elsol
I'm still sleeepy!
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Posts
- 3,964
I was reading through some other threads and got interested in something because of how I perceive it affecting my view of the world. That being my very first memory.
Let me explain this completely.
For me, conciousness arrived like a switch being turned on. There's a specific date that I can enumerate that I became 'aware'.
Some people have doubted me about this, but I can state it with finality because of events that occurred before and after. For instance, my mother moved to the states before this date, but I have NO memories of her except those after this date. I was also moved from family home to home, but I have no memories of any of those homes prior to my godfather's which I moved into in the time surrounding this date.
Because of my early upbringing there's a lot of events or situations I COULD/SHOULD remember that would be distinct but I do not until AFTER my date of conciousness.
That date was exactly on the day that my cousin died.
Again, some people have said 'that's just such a significant event that it overshadows other memories, but that doesn't take into account my memory of waking up that day, going downstairs, having breakfast while 'knowing' something about me was different. At THAT point is when the police came over to tell my aunt and uncle that my cousin had died, I remember the screaming and the crying, and my other cousin trying to explain to me what happened.
I also specifically remembering that in that explanation is when I came up with my own religion (at three no less)... I arrived at the conclusion that I was my cousin reincarnitated and that's why something was different because his soul (came up with the idea of the soul to satisfy the 'something from him came into me') had taken residence in my body giving me the new awareness. A couple of days later, I caused a problem trying to explain to my aunt that she didn't have to cry anymore because I was really 'my cousin'.
What's the point of this?
Well... I was reading another thread (Lime's about the person fucking with their real identity) and I, again, had a major split in my thinking from other people pointed out.
I would never fuck with someone that way because my assumption is that most people think what I do... "You fuck with me, I kill you. I then go to the prosecutor and say 'I'll make you deal, I'll plead guilty and will refuse any appeals. We set my execution date as soon as possible." (The death penalty threads also got me thinking, but I've been unwilling to step in to those.)
The though-process is 'bloody-minded' but in thinking about it, I realized that it comes from that first memory and how it formed my sense of self.
I'm incapable of conceiving of death with any sense of finality. My first memory, my first cogent thoughts are about death as reincarnation and nothing I've ever done or been taught has ever shaken that sense of unity between life and death.
My cousin asked me today whether or not I was afraid of flying, and I said no. He said he was and why wasn't I considering the 'dangers'.
I answered without thinking, "Well, if a plane goes down, you're dead. That's it. If you have a car accident, you can live but you're life might no longer be your own. Like you could be burned over 90% of your body or be quadriplegic... but in a plane crash realistically the worst that can happen is you die."
My sig-other and cousin were really disturbed by the "That's it." They kept trying to explain that death is the 'big' IT, needless to say it's an argument I don't have anymore because people seem to not understand when I say "Death is just death... what's the problem?"
This is not a thread on death though...
I was actually wondering if other people's first memories affect them in that deep a fashion or if i'm just a freak?
Also wondering if other people's 'awareness' was awakened in that sense of 'from this forward, I remember things but nothing prior'.
Sincerely,
ElSol
Let me explain this completely.
For me, conciousness arrived like a switch being turned on. There's a specific date that I can enumerate that I became 'aware'.
Some people have doubted me about this, but I can state it with finality because of events that occurred before and after. For instance, my mother moved to the states before this date, but I have NO memories of her except those after this date. I was also moved from family home to home, but I have no memories of any of those homes prior to my godfather's which I moved into in the time surrounding this date.
Because of my early upbringing there's a lot of events or situations I COULD/SHOULD remember that would be distinct but I do not until AFTER my date of conciousness.
That date was exactly on the day that my cousin died.
Again, some people have said 'that's just such a significant event that it overshadows other memories, but that doesn't take into account my memory of waking up that day, going downstairs, having breakfast while 'knowing' something about me was different. At THAT point is when the police came over to tell my aunt and uncle that my cousin had died, I remember the screaming and the crying, and my other cousin trying to explain to me what happened.
I also specifically remembering that in that explanation is when I came up with my own religion (at three no less)... I arrived at the conclusion that I was my cousin reincarnitated and that's why something was different because his soul (came up with the idea of the soul to satisfy the 'something from him came into me') had taken residence in my body giving me the new awareness. A couple of days later, I caused a problem trying to explain to my aunt that she didn't have to cry anymore because I was really 'my cousin'.
What's the point of this?
Well... I was reading another thread (Lime's about the person fucking with their real identity) and I, again, had a major split in my thinking from other people pointed out.
I would never fuck with someone that way because my assumption is that most people think what I do... "You fuck with me, I kill you. I then go to the prosecutor and say 'I'll make you deal, I'll plead guilty and will refuse any appeals. We set my execution date as soon as possible." (The death penalty threads also got me thinking, but I've been unwilling to step in to those.)
The though-process is 'bloody-minded' but in thinking about it, I realized that it comes from that first memory and how it formed my sense of self.
I'm incapable of conceiving of death with any sense of finality. My first memory, my first cogent thoughts are about death as reincarnation and nothing I've ever done or been taught has ever shaken that sense of unity between life and death.
My cousin asked me today whether or not I was afraid of flying, and I said no. He said he was and why wasn't I considering the 'dangers'.
I answered without thinking, "Well, if a plane goes down, you're dead. That's it. If you have a car accident, you can live but you're life might no longer be your own. Like you could be burned over 90% of your body or be quadriplegic... but in a plane crash realistically the worst that can happen is you die."
My sig-other and cousin were really disturbed by the "That's it." They kept trying to explain that death is the 'big' IT, needless to say it's an argument I don't have anymore because people seem to not understand when I say "Death is just death... what's the problem?"
This is not a thread on death though...
I was actually wondering if other people's first memories affect them in that deep a fashion or if i'm just a freak?
Also wondering if other people's 'awareness' was awakened in that sense of 'from this forward, I remember things but nothing prior'.
Sincerely,
ElSol
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