First Erotic Poem...what do you think?

[English Lady]

Ok so I took the plunge and I had a go at doing some erotic poetry. Please let me know what you think but try not to make me cry (in a bad way at least!)


With much thanks and appreciation


English Lady xxx


the link :

A Spanking Good Time!

 

[Icingsugar]

Well, what can I say? It was just like you Lady. A juicy story full of spanking fun.

But, as poetry goes... (I figgered you could take some critisism, despite your warning. )

It seems like this was written in poetry form "just because". Because you wanted to try to make a poem instead of a story, when the event described would lend itself much better to being that instead. It's really hard to describe that funky foreplay thingy in any way that is original enough to work as a poem.

Now it's just a series of events chopped up by line-breaks. I do this. Then I do that. And feel this. (but in -ing form) So the sum of it is that you have a sexy event that would had been really great as a story, with longer descriptions, more in-dept to the erotic mood and emotions. When turned into a poem it sadly lost more of it's eroticism than it gained.

Maybe that's because when distilling all that you could had written down to what you actually wrote, you boiled away the wrong things. We're left with more of what events took place, and less of how they felt. You do have a flair for poetry structure, but you need to pick more carefully what to fill the structure with.

Phew, that's my input on that. Now my fingers gotta rest. I just hope I made some kind of sense.

/Ice

 

[English Lady]

Thank you so much for your feedback


To be honest I did set out to write a poem...the idea hit me on the bus believe it or not*l* and i sat and I worte a poem. Now there was no editing done(well very little) and I posted it in a flurry of excitement. Maybe if i'd have thought about it longer i would have messed around with it a bit more.


I like it as a poem and i'm pretty impressed since it's my very first erotic poem attempt*L* I have written poetry before, infact I have written alot of poetry before but I have never tried to do a poem and make it erotic before. Maybe I need more practise at blending them.


Once again many thanks for your feedback Icing Sugar....and I wil take what you say and use it constructively in the future