First attempt....

[irishwoody]

Lost Days
********************
I shun blame,
you measure it.
Your gaze is mirrored,
I linger and avert.
I yearn to bridge this chasm -
or see you make a start.
To navigate a course dare I
first offer the olive branch?
Not intended like this I say,
not delivered as promised you retort.

Our days traversed in battle -
together and lost from sight
Too close, we know each too well,
our reflex pressure points.
Disruptive patterns lodge and wedged
repeat the hurting, verbal stabbing.
Give way to the long silences
shadowed by quiet withdrawal.
"Our lost days, best forgotten love,
remind me how this started?"

Thirty years before us,
Can we make this path ?
The diner on the table,
the clean shirt on my back,
mocks my evening menu,
my mundane stale acts;
The silent undressing, lights off
- a yards space at my back.

Passion's still born child, Loyalty
remains faithfully at hand,
missing long departed siblings,
while shouldering old desires.

 

[arielsgoddess]

Your name suits the flavor of your poem...

It definitely has the feel of Irish 'everydayness'. I think it is common for early attempts to seem more 'spoken', and even at times now (4 books' worth later) I still find myself running narratives, just because it fits the life that you are trying to evoke in the poem. I like the personal sentiments in your poem, and without getting into the technical, I think that as you get used to expressing yourself and get more confident delving deeper into the imagery and complex emotions of your subjects, that you will be quite good. The ability to see and feel can be impossible to teach, but anyone can learn to write better.

Welcome, I.W.--hope to see you posting more of your work as it comes for you, and would love to have you interacting with us in other threads. Many blessings, Ariel