"Finding Neverland Together" a slice of life tale about a husband and his wife.

[emraoz]

"Finding Neverland Together" a slice of life tale about a husband and his wife.

Closed for (Lominiel) thank you.
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My Wife and I have been married for 8 years now. We had never had kids, we just figured we should wait, till we were more sure about it. Maybe we werent sure we would stick together through thick and thin, or maybe we just didnt want, something like kids, testing our marriage. Maybe we just didnt beleive in ourselves as much as we wanted to.

We had Met in college, it was a story not worth recollecting, we met , we dated, on and off, we graduated, we still dated on and off, till we both figured we would stick it out together. Maybe we did it, because we were tired of all the randomness with looking and searching for people. It was all so tenuous, in retrospect it was a wonder how we held together for so many years.

When we got married, we kind of rediscovered each other, it was a new feeling, we fell in love all over again, experienced the whole spectrum, in a new place, in a new world, with jobs, felt secure in our togetherness. Then time struck. Work slowly started getting in the way. We saw less and less of each other. I figured she still loved me just as much, and that she just wasnt able to show it, same as me.

Maybe i was right maybe i was wrong. But we stayed like that for 3 years, seeing less and less of each other, growing old, we had sex less and less. Seeing her not enjoy it, just put me off, so i stopped asking. Maybe it was my fault for not being able to enjoy it, but there it was, i would be so tired, i would just go jerk a quickie in the bathroom, after kissing my wife. The funny thing was, i masturbated to fantasy sex with my wife, It was sad, and happy at the same time, at least i knew i loved her, and i also knew that i wanted her.

There would be days, where i promised myself, that i would change, that i would really make an effort, but i would wiggle and worm, and put off till tomorrow, and keep putting off till three years passed.

I was painfully aware of how beautiful my wife was to me, and how much she cared for me, i mean, she still got back from work, she still kissed me nicely, always lovingly, maybe a little to platonic a kiss, but it would always be there, she would always make time to listen to me when i needed her. She was always there for me, she overlooked so much of my faults, she overlooked the mess in the house, she overlooked the dirty laundry when it was my day. I knew she still cared a great deal.

My still not being able to make time for her, makes me feel incredibly guilty i would sometimes retreat into a little shell sometimes, unable to take the guilt. Her closeness, and the way shes put up with me, reminds me keenly of her love for me, and i always felt pained at not being able to make amends.

Slowly the guilt mounted, i could not take caring so much and still leaving it at nothing, i couldnt do that. I would come home, and look at his wife, while she tenderly, with patient little gestures let him feel like the most loved man on earth, she probably did it without knowing, she was like that, i knew her too well. To the normal observer, her conduct might not be construed as loving, and she had her bad times too, but what were all those compared to the little times, she sat down and comforted him when he needed her, while he would stare at her, feeling guilty, and impotent, and powerless to make amends, and show her how much he loved her.


Today, he had been dressing for work, and seen his wife in bed, carefully snuggled up in bed, under the covers, his constant source of warmth and shield from loneliness, her angelic face, had lost none of its warmth, and he still associated it with the enormous love that they shared for each other, and it made him realize that if he didnt do something today, he might lose himself in the abyss. Then something happened that made his resolution stronger than concrete, he saw his wife during her sleep reaching out for his form, no longer there, her hands flailed around in the bed for a bit, for a few seconds, when they didnt find anything, her breathing grew irregular, and soon after, her eyes opened.

Nothing could have made him forget that tender memory, he told himself that "today is the day, i take it all back from the world, im going to do what i always should have." And with the firm Resolution he had gone to work. He quit his 70 hours a week job, went to a good university, applied for a professorship at a university.

And he came back home. Prepared to make amends, and find themselves anew.

 

[Lominiel]

She was tired. She worked long hours, then came home to make sure that dinner was cooked, the house was clean, and saw to her husband's comforts. She genuinely enjoyed his company, but by the time everything was done, she did not feel like she had enough energy for sex. Not to mention, she'd gained about thirty pounds in the last eight years, and, being ashamed of her figure, she did not want him to discover her body. Still, it saddened her to realize that for all she thought she knew about her husband, she did not really know him at all. Something had to give. They couldn't continue living separate lives much longer, or else their marriage might fall apart.

She was almost shocked when he told her that he quit his job. Even though he went for a professorship at a university, she knew that would be demanding work as well. But they'd been on the same path for so long, she was afraid of change.

 

[emraoz]

He was a bit worried, about what she would say about him leaving his job, but the intent had been too strong, this had been going on too long. As he opened the door to their house. He dropped the car keys into the bowl on the side of the door. It was a pretty bowl, and it was so convenient, she had picked it out for them, telling him that, losing keys would be impossible with something like this to attract them into throwing keys in there. He smiled at the memory, strengthening his resolve to find his wife, and talk about his leaving his job in detail. She had sounded a bit worried over the phone when he had told her, and he didnt want her getting the wrong ideas. So he patiently waited at home, waiting for her to come back, as he did, he thought if he should make something for her, like food, or maybe he should pick up some champagne for her, she had been so supportive of his teetotalling ways, and had put up with his insistence about not drinking, in such a patient and loving way, that it had envoloped his ego in a drowsy stupor of caring affection, leaving him unable to think clearly about her own needs. So he with his extremely limited knowledge of Alcoholic beverages, went out to the nearest convenience store to find whatever was most expensive. He wondered with a twinkle in his eye if he should, but then he figured, that the professorship pay wasnt that bad, he could always teach a few more classes, and get more money. So he picked up his keys, and took a trip to the store, hurrying back with some Wine that he was able to read the name of, but couldnt pronounce, he figured she would know what it was, and would tell him.
So he got busy with making some food, when he realized that he knew nothing about cooking, except things so rudimentary, that he would not push them on his loving wifes stomach. So he looked around the house, and figured he would wash all the clothes. That was something he was good at, he could even figure out how to do her lace and lingerie and her cottons, and he knew which to do seperately, and he figured, it was the least he could do. Plus it would give him a chance to be with her underwear, which was always sweet, for he had a bit of a kink, that he had not told his wife about yet, so he started gathering the clothes, and seperating them by colors and material and started making groups to put in the wash, when he was done, he started up the machine, and started throwing the clothes inside, and figured he would vacuum the house while he was at it. Firing up the old stereo with some Pink Floyd he started vacuuming, straining to get the music above the infernal vacuuming noise.
He kept on vacuuming, and he kept on washing, and he kept on waiting. . .

 

[Lominiel]

She had been having one rough day. First of all, it seemed that all the employees in her department decided she was their crisis manager, and they all came to her at once. Then she'd had three meetings she had to wade through and pretend to take notes. No sooner had she gotten back to her desk than the phone rang, and it was her husband, telling her he was quitting his job. She gave an audible groan after the put the phone down.

She didn't seem to have the ability to concentrate the rest of the day at work.

Hopping in the car, she found the grocery list, so she headed to the grocery store. What she needed was a really good wine, and lots of dark chocolate, but, since her husband did not want her drinking, she carefully avoided the aisle and consoled herself with buying several bars of the darkest chocolate she could find. It was the reason she'd gained 30 pounds, but it was her drug of choice.

Scarfing down one bar before she even got back into the car, she then drove home.

She unlocked the door with one hand, shoving it open with her hip, as her arms were full of groceries. She set them down on the counter, and slid into the couch, closing her eyes from the stress of the day.

 

[emraoz]

He heard the door open, and he took the clothes that he had from the dryer and and threw them into the basket that he had for clean cotton clothes, and after throwing them in there, promising himself he would iron them all as soon as he could, he went to see his wife, who he presumed had come in, as nobody else had the keys to their house, he wondered what she was going to say, but resolved to face down her sad eyes full of dissapointment in him, he picked up the bottle of champagne, and a glass for her, grabbing a coke for himself, he went into the living room, towards the couch in which he knew she liked to sit and rest herself from the stress of the day. He wished that his attire of loose bermudas, and a soft cotton shirt, which might have been a bit to colorful for a man, who had just quit his job, and hoped the effect he had on her wouldnt be too bad. He didnt want to hurt her, he just wanted ... and with that thought buzzing around in his head, he arrived at the couch where she sat, her eyes closed, he put the bottle glass and can on the table and said the name of his wife ever so lightly.. hoping her sleep wasnt deep, and that she would wake up.

 

[Lominiel]

"Hmm? Travis?" Becca looked into the eyes of her husband. She decided to sit up to make room for him on the couch. "So what's this about quitting your job? Did your boss drive you crazy one too many times?"

She waited for him to sit down. This time on the couch had pretty much been the only time they had spent together in the evenings for the past few years. She wished it didn't have to be that way, but they had needed the money at first, so they worked overtime, then they continued it out of sheer habit.

 

[emraoz]

"Ah honey, no, it wasnt the job, it wasnt my boss, it was nothing of the sort, just relax, the pay from the University is pretty good, around 2 thirds of the job, and i can always pull it up with extra lectures and stuff, but i want you to relax before i tell you why i really did this."

He poured her a Drink from the bottle that was on the table, handed her the glass, watched her start to sip.

"Honey, i suspect we told us how much we loved each other, but i have been at fault, i havent been there for you, while you have put up with me in every way even though i was being an ass, who acted like everything else was more important than the one thing that should have been more important. I always thought about getting old together with you, and having you there with me, and although i think you would never leave me, i know that there hasnt been much going on between us, and i realized the job was essentially a means to an end for me, an end that a large percentage of was a good life, with you and me enjoying it together, i just realized a few days ago that the job was taking away from the end, and it wasnt the right means. So i quit, no i will have much more time for you, and please keep in mind, that this is by no means an indication by me that you have to leave your job or anything, this is just what i think is making up for what i havent been doing for such a long time, and i am going to make it up to you, our relationship and me as well, and the extra time was necessary for that."

He hadnt looked up at her, during this whole monologue of his, as he knew he wouldnt be able to take the expression in her eyes, so he had kept his eyes facing downwards , too afraid to look, now he looked up, after he was done, wondering what would happen.

 

[Lominiel]

"I, ummm..." Becca started, surprised he had bought her wine. She stared down at her fat frumpy body and sighed. Then she looked up again. "I... I really don't know what to say. I hope we can afford the house payments! We're going to have to sacrifice somewhere to do this, but I don't know what to cut from the budget. Honestly, I would leave my job but they depend on me too much there, and, well it's good money that we're really going to need now."

 

[emraoz]

"He looked at her appreciatively, we can fire the help, the money i saved up from the job, is in the bank account, we get interest from there, and like i said, if i take more lectures at the uni, and there are lots of students there, then they have to pay me more, so dont worry about the money, i dont drink, im going to learn to cook, im going to clean, hell i might even start sewing if thats what it takes, plus i had an idea about an online business, which me and a few students can start, if that takes off we can have fun, so dont you worry about the money"

Between their conversation, he had seen her glance down at herself, and he knew from the wonderful times they had spent together that she had body issues, he didnt know why, and he felt angry at himself for letting her feel that way, even when he was so in love with her, her softness was always there for him, and it was always warm, and when he touched her, he could always feel her flesh warming to him, like it had a life of his own, he couldnt imagine life any other way. He wanted to hold her right now, hug her, kiss her, make her feel better, but he told himself it was too soon, this was not the right moment, but the anger and sadness at himself still remained, and he blamed himself for her not feeling comfortable with her beautiful self, and he wanted to go smack himself upside the head or at least break a few of their mirrors with his head, but he realized that money would be tight, and breaking thing would not be in their relationships best of interest. So he calmed himself as best as he could, and reached out to touch her hands, making a note to himself, to enjoy her as much as he could, hoping his love and appreciation would make Becca love herself just as much as he did.He knew he wasnt what he used to be, and he wasnt much tall either, but he hoped, she still felt as happy with him as he did with her, but he promised to start getting his muscle tone back. It was a pleasant thought, and for a bit, his mind wandered, as he imagined himself, cuddling up to her all night while she tried to go to sleep. But he forced himself back to the issue at hand and still holding her hand he tried to stare deep into her eyes, trying to communicate with a mere stare, the confidence he felt in his love for her, and how that would make everything turn out all fine

 

[Lominiel]

Becca had been thinking that something had to give. There was just too much going on in their separate lives for her to spend much time with Travis. "I... I appreciate what you are doing, Travis, I really do." She said a little apprehensively, as she started to lean towards his chest, halfway wishing that he would take her up into his embrace, the other half trying to remember what that even felt like.

 

[emraoz]

He saw her saying those words, and he couldnt believe it, instead of a tirade, about responsibility, he got this, his eyes got a bit moist, as he saw her form coming towards his, he had to think, to think hard and make his body move to reach out, as he was so unused to the whole idea of hugging anymore, it had been so long, he reached out, and he took her leaning form, one hand on the back of her neck, guiding it to his shoulder, he hoped it would be comfortable, as he leaned into hers, defintely knowing that there was no place he would rather rest his head than her shoulder, her hair brushed across his face a bit, and he enjoyed the feeling of comfort, human touch was just so therapeutic, he had forgotten, he couldnt help in that moment of great emotion, pulling her closer to him, im more of a bear hug, his arms comfortably around her back, and his head tightly pressed on her shoulder, just trying to feel her as much as he could, as if trying to make up for all the lost hugs he had wasted, while she was with him every day of his life.

 

[Lominiel]

She relished the touch and buried her head deeper into his chest. "Oh, Travis..." she started, her voice sounding wistful, "We haven't had time to even have dinner together for a long time. It's like we don't even know each other anymore. When you went to working 70 hours a week, I began to wonder if it was because you thought I'd gotten ugly or couldn't stand being with me anymore and sought a way to escape without being unfaithful." She looked down at her fat frumpy body; she had never been slender, but these last thirty pounds had put her just under the 200 pound mark. "I wouldn't blame you if you did."