Finding My Way (closed)

[DrStein]

Logan Masters was a very memorable young man. He was in his mid-twenties and had very continental features and striking good looks. He was tall, lean, tanned... His long dark hair fell about his shoulders and upper back in a mane of shaggy curls that refused to be tamed by any comb, no matter how hard he tried. A trim beard only added to his rugged looks. He was also a bit of an anomaly.

He sat on a stool in a small cafe with an odd bass guitar in his lap. The bass was a narrow black box that tapered toward the top with a white fretboard and no headstock at the end of the neck. The tuning was done at the bottom. Hooked up to a small amp, the bass accompanied Logan's smoky, crooning voice as he sang his cover of Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel.

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
All the doors would soon be shut

He played his bass as a melodic rather than rhythmic instrument, even duplicating the keyboard hook in the verse.

This was also his first performance here in New York City. Amidst the general crowd of upper middle class students, yuppies, and run-of-the-mill artistic types, Logan stood out as a West Coast rebel with a wide-brimmed hand, worn jeans, boots, and a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. He seemed one part cowboy, one part Indiana Jones, and one part Native American shaman. A lone, romantic figure of the West amidst one of the busiest metropolises in the East.

He was here now trying to find a home. Five long years on the road, hitching his way across America looking for answers to questions he couldn't even put into words. But he was growing tired of being a vagabond. What he really wanted now was a place to call home.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

The fitted Dolce & Gabbana suit slid up her thighs as Carnie sat back in her seat and crossed her legs. She had picked it up for a song last time she'd been in Italy and had it tailored to make it short enough to reveal one of her best assets -- her legs. Men (and most women) couldn't resist a shapely gam, and hers went on and on and on. That and the fact that they started with black spike heels.

The meeting she'd just flown in from was the clincher to a huge deal she'd had in the works for the past year. It would open doors to a lot of opportunities -- not to mention bringing in beaucoup bucks. Her half-glasses slid down her nose as she glanced at her wristwatch. Eight twenty-five. Her cel rang.

"Hello, Jake. I'm on my way home. My flight was delayed. Daddy's giving me a lift in the limo. Meet me at my place."

"Actually, I was in the mood for the Village. Why don't you meet me at Think?"

"I don't know. I'm really beat," Carnie patted the chignon at the nape of her neck and then checked her makeup in her compact. Deciding she didn't look the worse for wear, she applied more lipstick and shrugged. "You know, maybe I will." She cut off the call and turned to her father who had his nose buried in The Wall Street Journal. "You wouldn't mind dropping me at Think Coffee, would you? It's on Mercer between 3d and 4th." Of course he didn't mind, she being the apple of his eye, and thirty minutes later she was there.

Think Coffee's three thousand square foot space was furnished with a plethora of comfortable couches, free Wi-Fi and reading lamps, making the overall feel less kaffeehaus and more Ivy League study room. At six it morphed into Happy Hour with live music and regular Scrabble nights. Tonight, Carnie realized as she entered the building, there was music.

Jake Brownstein, her "occasional" as she called him, was already there, as were several of their friends. She smiled and waved, sliding easily into a space on the couch that they'd made for her. Looking around, Carnie saw that the indoor busker had just finished a set. "Who is he?" she asked, her eyes taking him in from head to toe and back again as she subconsciously checked her hair for any stray wisps; his hair looked like it hadn't seen a brush in days. "Any good?"

 

[DrStein]

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen," Logan said in his usual smoky voice into the microphone with a tip of his hat. "Again, my name is Logan Masters, and I'd like to finish off tonight with a a bass solo I put together recently. I call this one Howling in the Wind."

The bass solo was very dreamy and atmospheric. He had a rather unique style, using every finger on his hand and harmonizing strings in much the same way as a classical guitarist would. Whereas many played the bass as a rhythmic instrument, he actually had a strong sense of melody and used the full range of the instrument. He accented passages with soulful string bends, dramatic slides up and down the fretboard, and even a phrase of eight-finger tapping toward the end of the song.

On the last note of the tune, Logan crooned out a lilting howl like that of a wolf or coyote, letting both his voice and the note on his bass slowly fade away into silence.

His true passion was to play ska, but he had a certain progressive rock streak to his style that he made no attempt to hide. Though his deepest influences would always be The Hippos, Sublime, The Skatalites, Operation Ivy, and Big D and the Kids Table, he would just as gladly tell one of his love of Peter Gabriel, Yes, and Rush.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

As if on cue, the singer announced his name and sang again, forestalling any comments or critiques from Jake or her friends. Carnie watched and listened, her curiosity piqued.

He was good, they all agreed, though Carnie herself kept her thoughts to herself; the feral-sounding howl he'd made at the end of the song had raised gooseflesh on her arms and well... I'm just tired, she thought to herself as the man began to weave his way through the room.

"I'll ask him over," Marsha Adams said, waving her arm to get his attention. "He's absolutely delish, don't you think?"

Carnie looked Logan Masters up and down once more and shrugged noncommmittally. He was good looking - in an exotic sort of way - she supposed, but she was more interested in what made a person like him...

"Hello," he said quietly. "I hope you enjoyed... "

Marsha was bouncing her way across the couch to make room for him to sit, but he remained standing. Not easily put off, she grinned. "We loved it. Didn't we, Carnie?" Carnie nodded and concentrated on her cappucino, certain that Marsha's next move would be to jump the poor guy's bones. "We were just going to order a late night something. Would you like to join us?"

Despite her determination not to stare, Carnie found herself looking up into the most worldly-wise eyes she'd ever seen. Thinking that they reflected a disconcerting combination of agelessness and wisdom that both attracted her and made her uncomfortable, she quickly looked away. "Personally," she quipped, a smug look spreading over her face as she said it. "I'm dying for sushi." That was certain to send him packing.

 

[DrStein]

Logan stayed as calm and dignified as ever, though he was wary of the woman who had waved him over. Clingy girls were nothing but trouble and he had no desire to get mixed up in another melodrama. He'd had enough of that already.

The mention of sushi caused his stomach to growl. The most he'd eaten since this morning was a muffin here at the cafe. "As much as I would love to join you all, sushi is a little steep for my budget. And though I'm really jonesing for a plate of cool mackerel beside a few steaming slices of octopus, I'm afraid having a roof over my head until the next paycheck takes priority. Unless..."

He looked off to the side slightly in thought. "Is there a Marriott within walking distance of here?"

"A few blocks down on your left, yeah," one of them answered.

"Then perhaps I can join you all tonight," Logan answered with a smile. "Scamming a free night out of a Marriott is easier than pickpocketing tourists." He then turned to the woman who had waved him over. "Speaking of which, here's your watch back." Sure enough, he produced her watch from his pocket and handed it to her.

He shrugged when everyone looked at him in awe. "I lifted it about 30 seconds ago." He then pulled a few bills out of his pocket. "I give you my word though that these are mine. Part of my performance fees for the evening."

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Carnie glanced surreptitiously at her wrist, unable to resist the urge to verify that her own watch was still in place. Whether it had been sleight-of-hand or he was just a good pickpocket, she didn't know but she did know that those few bills in his hand weren't going to feed that grumbling gut she could hear from where she sat.

Draining her cup, she set it down on the coffee table in front of herself and turned to look at Jake. "Tomoe sound good?" He nodded and Carnie had to stifle a laugh as he patted the front of his jacket to see if his billfold was still there; the look of relief on his face was priceless. "Don't worry," she whispered, leaning in close. "My treat and you can make up the difference with me later."

Jake grinned and stood, offering his hand to help Carnie up from the couch. "Ready, everyone?" Marsha giggled and joined them, still putting her watch back on her wrist and Logan, well... he was putting his cash (or someone else's) into his pocket. Carnie patted her chignon and sighed. "The sooner the better," she said. "I'm starrrrrrrrrving."

As her eyes wandered back to Logan Masters, she realized that she was hungrier to find out exactly what scamming a free night at a Marriott entailed than the current discussion between Jake and Marsha about whether they would walk or ride the two blocks to Tomoe. "Do you have a preference, Mr. Masters?" she asked.

 

[DrStein]

"Logan is fine," he said in answer to how he was addressed. "And no, I don't have a preference. I just got into town yesterday." He then held out Carnie's watch. "Oh, here's your watch back. People don't learn very fast, do they?"

"Anyway, shall I assume that your group has good taste in Japanese cuisine? I roomed with a sushiya in Frisco a few years back, and it made me kind of picky."

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Carnie started to reach for her watch and drew her hand back thinking she would get a carry-out container at Tomoe and collect all of her belongings at once. "I don't... settle," she said in response to his remark about quality of sushi and his expectations.

He certainly redefined the old saying: beggars can't be choosers. In his case, not only could he, but he did. Carnie wasn't quite sure if she didn't admire that, though she was a bit miffed about her wristwatch. Turning her attention away from Logan, she gave Jake's sleeve a gentle tug and began walking toward the door. A sushiya, she thought. Imagine that.

It was mid-week, cabs were cruising and Jake hailed the first one. "We opted to ride," Marsha explained to Logan as she clambered in. "Just in case we have a wait to be seated."

They got lucky. The dinner crowd had gone and the noshers were trickling in and out. Frankly, Carnie was relieved as they walked inside Tomoe's unassuming storefront, its interior decorated fairly traditionally in bare pine, with hand-drawn signs advertising specials du jour.

"They subscribe to the 'big fish' doctrine here," Marsha schmoozed, still trying to gain - and hold - Logan Master's attention. "Fortunately, everything is fresh."

Feeling an uncommon urge to defend her choice in light of Logan's earlier statement, Carnie added "The sashimi isn't anything you can't do in one bite."

 

[DrStein]

Logan tried not to pay much mind to the girl Marsha. He could tell she only wanted one thing, and he was not about to get mixed up in that again. Everybody thought sex mean you owed someone something, even if it was a one-night stand. Bullshit. He'd learned that lesson the hard way and had no intention of repeating the process.

They sat down and placed their order. Much to Logan's delight, he spotted the chef bringing several octopus tentacles out of the pot to the cooling basket and immediately asked for two orders of it.

"I love octopus," he explained. "It has a supple, chewy texture, but a smoky mild flavor nut unlike fresh nuts. It's best when served hot, a little steam still wafting up off of it, and with just a small touch of wasabi on top like the first greens of spring against a pallette of pure white snow... Heavenly."

 

[Maid of Marvels]

"How... poetic!" Marsha schmoozed, leaning toward Logan, her eyes bright with a come-hither look they'd all seen many times over the years. She was probably on the edge of an orgasm by now, Carnie wagered. Her flirtations didn't usually have the opposite effect, yet this man seemed oblivious to all of her efforts. Probably gay.

"That's an interesting way of putting it," Jake said non-committally before turning to face Carnie who was seated beside him at a small table for four. "How did your deal go?" he asked.

"It's in the bag," she replied, smiling broadly. "We're just waiting for his lawyers to look over the paperwork one last time." Carnie patted her chignon. "It was a great opportunity for me, you know? My first big... "

Jake looked around sheepishly. "I guess we should have celebrated somewhere... fancier."

"Don't be silly," she replied. "We can do it when they sign on the dotted line. Besides, tonight I was in the mood for... " Leaving her sentence unfinished and not caring whether Jake took the inference or not, Carnie found her eyes wandering to Logan's face again.

"I can't wait to order," she continued. "I think I'll have tako also, but I think I'd like the sushi/sashimi combo as well. Oh... and what are we drinking?" The question was generic, though she wondered what Logan's answer would be. Was he a sake kinda guy or would he order umesho, beer or even tea?

 

[DrStein]

Logan sighed heavily and turned to Marsha. "I'm not usually this blunt, but I have to be honest. I appreciate the attention. I'm flattered, really." He paused and rubbed his brow with his forefinger and thumb before continuing. He didn't want to tell the whole truth, but he needed to get this woman off of his case before it started to wear down his patience. Also, he rationalized, it probably wasn't fair to lead her on.

"But... I went through an extremely bitter break-up, which is still fresh in my mind." Technically, he didn't lie. He just omitted to tell them that was 5 years ago and still haunted him like it was yesterday. "So again, I really am flattered, but I'm not interested right now."

Rather than make eye contact with anyone at the table and risk having to into detail, Logan merely added a serving of smoked tuna (tekka) and surf clam (hokkigai). He tried to convey through his body language that this particular train of conversation was over and that he really didn't want to ruin the meal with talk of his past.

He turned back to the waiter after everyone else had ordered. "Also, to drink, I don't suppose you guys stock IBC?"

The waiter shook his head, no.

"No harm in asking," Logan shrugged. "In that case, a pot of tea would be great."

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Curiouser and curiouser. Carnie smiled inwardly as Logan firmly, albeit politely, forestalled Marsha's advances. So he wasn't gay as she had presumed, but most men would jump at the chance to boff the busty brunette and this put him in a completely different light - at least in her mind. She turned a surreptitious 'thumb's up' from the hand resting on the table.

"I think," she said, to break the silence and resume a more comfortable level of conversation, "I'll have plum wine." Sake was a bit much - at least for tonight - and tea just wasn't enough. Carnie wanted to relax a bit after the stress of the past few days... and she wanted to learn a bit more about this mysterious man.

"I have to admit," she said bluntly, after the server had brought their drinks, "You seem quite an anomaly to me, Logan Masters. You roomed with a sushiya who obviously gave you good instruction in Japanese cuisine. You're a singer and songwriter. You know how to scam a free night at the Marriott - something we would probably call a comp." She eyed the platter of sushi and sashimi with delight as it was placed in front of her. "And let's not forget that you are a Fagin in the making."

Carnie grinned, placing her napkin on her lap before picking up a pair of chopsticks and inhaling. She placed a dab of wasabi on the tako and placed it to her mouth. "Mmm... " Logan had been right. It was heavenly, indeed.

 

[DrStein]

"The term is 'con' actually," Logan corrected. "And I do what I have to to get by. Sometimes that means doing things that many would frown upon." He took a moment to chew a piece of hokkigai, savoring both the texture and flavor.

"There's a long story behind it all, one which we really don't have time for right now." Logan sipped softly at the tea they were brought. He knew the woman was curious, but it still felt like an interrogation.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Carnie sighed, for two reasons and preferred to dwell on the second - she'd taken her first bite of toro sashimi which melted like butter in her mouth.

To his credit, Jake had tried to ease the bump in the conversation, though Marsha remained quiet, her eyes wandering over the other diners in the restaurant. If someone was taking bets, and Carnie wasn't, she'd find someone to fill the empty side of her king sized waterbed before the night was over. If not here, then she'd move on to somewhere more... fertile.

"It is good," Jake schmoozed, though he had opted for grilled sea bass and had almost finished his bottle of sake.

She nodded, her mouth full of salmon now. "Yama is so passé," Carnie commented after savoring the flavors and textures. "Besides, their quality is inconsistent. Tomoe has by far the best sushi and sashimi downtown." She turned to Logan. "Are you enjoying it?"

 

[DrStein]

"I have to say, it's higher quality than the previous places I'd been to," Logan stated after finishing a slice of octopus. "The art of being a sushiya is truly underrated."

He sipped lightly at the tea, taking his time to let each delicate sip turn in his mouth for a moment before letting it glide down his throat. Hot drinks after a night of performing were always preferable. They were soothing and eased his throat.

Marsha offered him a small cup of sake, but he waved it off with a muttered, "I never drink." Most people seemed genuinely surprised to hear that. He was a tough-looking musician, tattooed and bearded yet he didn't drink alcohol. He was a vocalist though. It seemed obvious to him to want to avoid the booze to preserve his voice.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Carnie continued to savor each bite place in her mouth and considered the mysterious man who sat beside her yet again. He was, in her mind's eye, a curiosity of sorts - indoor busker and huckster, magician or pickpocket (depending on one's view). Logan Masters was a connoisseur of Japanese food. He didn't drink. He was a man who turned down overt sexual advances from a woman who wasn't used to being...

A thought occurred to her as she recalled the last song he had sung at Think Coffee and their subsequent introduction. Logan had said that he had written that song himself. Perhaps, she considered, the rest was all "trappings" - or a way to survive. Rethinking it in a way that made more sense within the commerce-minded framework that shaped her business life and the need for outré amusements that colored her social life, he was a small business struggling to become a mega-emporium in a surrounding that already had too much of the same-old/same-old to make him a novelty. On the other hand... wouldn't it be interesting to see where he might end up with a little bit of... encouragement.

Glancing pointedly at her wrist which no longer sported a watch, Carnie settled back in her chair and commented that her day had been overlong though she wouldn't be averse to everyone coming up to her place for a nightcap. "I make a mean cup of hot chocolate," she added, raising the eyebrows of both Jake and Marsha.

 

[DrStein]

Logan surreptitiously picked the pocket of someone he spotted walking in as they passed by the table. It was only a few dollars out of their jacket pocket, but it was enough to order one more serving of mackerel.

At Carnie's mention of a nightcap, he thought at first that he wasn't invited, so he didn't comment. He took a moment to savor the mackerel. "Decadent," he thought aloud. "A delicate, smooth flavor with an appropriately tender texture. Melts in the mouth like butter, enveloping and combining with the flavors of the rice, soy sauce, and wasabi, subtly changing like a fine wine..."

He didn't seem to be aware that he was speaking out loud. His eyes were staring off into the distance and there seemed to be more on his mind than just the food.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Carnie found herself watching Logan as well as listening to him. He certainly was a curious breed if nothing else and she was, admittedly, more than curious. She dug in her clutch and placed a penny beside his plate. "For your thoughts," she said quietly as Jake got up to attend to the check privately. It would, they both knew, avoid any arguments over who would pay what and she would make it up to him later.

When Logan turned to face her Carnie felt suddenly disconcerted and blurted out. "You are coming for hot chocolate, aren't you? Besides, I know someone that... " her voice trailed off as he started to speak.

 

[DrStein]

Logan glanced up at Carnie. If he was at all surprised to see that the invitation did indeed include him, he certainly didn't show it. His face remained as placid as ever. He seemed almost impossible to perturb.

He shrugged softly after a moment. "Not as if I was doing anything else tonight," he remarked off-handedly. "Anyway, you were saying? You know someone who..." His eyes were turned to her, but not his head. The neutral alignment and comfortable seat he had settled into didn't seem like it was about to change anytime soon. He was where he wanted to be, and had no intention of moving any more than he had to.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

"Has a small studio," Carnie said, holding out the bone. "Have you ever made a demo?"

She leaned back in her chair, turning away from Logan and drinking the last of her plum wine. Mitch Vandermark didn't exactly move in the same circles she hung in these days, but there had been a time when... She nodded to herself. He might go for it... If Logan Masters didn't rob him blind. Then again... If he had prospects, maybe their newfound companion wouldn't need to rob people blind.

Carnie glanced at her watchless wrist and sighed. "I seem to have misplaced my watch," she said. "Anybody have the time?" She turned to Logan, fully expecting him to push his sleeve up to reveal fifty watches there for her inspection.

 

[DrStein]

Logan fished out Carnie's watch and handed it out to her with a mild roll of his eyes. "I haven't made a demo tape, no. Though I have plenty of material to work with." He absently placed a hand on the gig bag beside him containing his bass.

"I've been doing a lot of writing on the road." He had a whole binder filled with sheet music and lyrics he had written. But he had never had the resources he needed to record any of it. He only stuck around a town long enough to pay for the maintenance on his equipment and then move on.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

"Can't you get someone else to... " Jake's words drifted toward Carnie as he returned to the table, his cel glued to his ear and a decidedly grim look on his face. Carnie sighed, though she was surprised by the realization that she wasn't particularly disappointed by the way the overheard conversation was going. "It seems as though Jake won't be joining us, Logan," she murmured quietly and almost laughed aloud as Marsha stood and wandered off toward someone she obviously knew. Or not.

All things considered, she realized that Logan hadn't exactly accepted her invitation either. Carnie shrugged. "C'est la vie," she smiled. "Of course, you're still welcome," she said as Jake rushed out of Tomoe after offering an apologetic air-kiss in the general direction of her cheek. If he declined, oh well... there would be a hot bath with some scented bubbles to keep her company. And she did need the rest.

 

[DrStein]

Logan shrugged. "Why not? It's difficult to turn hospitality down when you live like me." He paid for the last of his food, including his end of the tip. He didn't say it out loud, but he found it rude that Carnie's two friends would wander off like they did. They obviously had the money to at least cover the tip. Come to think of it, none of them had tipped him either after his performance. He wondered if this woman was the only non-cheapskate in Manhattan's upper class.

He gathered up his few possessions and stretched out once, waiting for hostess of the evening to join him.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

The limousine was just coming up the block when Carnie and Logan stepped out of Tomoe, and, for perhaps the first time in her life the young woman felt a bit abashed. "It's my father's," she shrugged apologetically when it drew up in front of them. "I don't usually... "

Logan seemed oblivious to the whole event, nodding cursorilly to Edmund as he stepped out and held the door for them to climb into the car. "Just a few blocks to my place," Carnie commented as she leaned back into the spacious seat. "It's been a long, long day."

******​

Her place was actually an ancient brownstone on the Upper East Side. It was owned by her father's corporation, she explained, but he had allowed her to redecorate it to suit her own tastes. "It's a work in progress." Carnie shrugged again as they climbed the steps.

Fishing in her clutch for the key, she unlocked the door and and allowed Logan to go in first. Kicking off her shoes as she followed, Carnie sighed as her feet touched the cool slate of the foyer floor. "There's a bar behind the folding screen in the living room," she told him, "and soda and other things in the kitchen. Make yourself at home while I get into something... Tee shirt and shorts," she added quickly, avoiding looking at him for fear he might have thought something other.

Leaving him to his own devices, Carnie climbed the stairs to her bedroom, unbuttoning her jacket and blouse as she went.

 

[DrStein]

Logan looked around slowly. He felt a little out of his element. He had spent so long in motels and camping by the roadside that to be in a place of such comparative opulence and comfort was now forgeign to him. Truth be told, he didn't know if he could even recall what his old room back in LA looked like... the one she had shared with...

He shook his head to keep thoughts like that at bay. He set his things down by the bar instead and wandered into the kitchen. He looked in the fridge and suppressed a sigh of disappointment. No IBC. Since coming to the Big Apple he'd had the damndest time trying to find the stuff.

Logan noticed the bathroom door open and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He stepped in and turned on the light, a little surprised with the face looking back at him. True, his shaggy mane of curls was the same as always. His features themselves hadn't changed a bit. And he knew that in certain light, the scar on his cheek became much more noticeable. But was he really that scruffy-looking? His beard was getting less organized and the hair on his cheeks made him look downright grungy. He was in bad need of a shower and shave.

Or was he only noticing this because of his surroundings?