Finding Boundaries

[niteshade]

Hi... I am very new to the site, and wanted to say thanks for all the great links you guys have already sent me. I am also very new to the idea of being a sub.... I am a very independant person in most areas of my life, so I have worked hard to suppress that part of me that says I need something else, or someone else. My problem now is that I feel a need to be informed ( which is happening rapidly here... ty) and I am not sure what my boundaries are. Do any of you have any thoughts? I am sure that you all had to find your boundaries at one time or another; how did you do it?

Thanks for any discussion,

Niteshade

 

[Master_Vassago]

I know there are checklists out there on www.castlerealm.com, and a few other places. Simply go through one or more of them and rate things as you would or would not do them or are open to try.

These are more guidelines than boundaries. But unless something is a hard limit (something you won't do) I'd keep an open mind. Sometimes you think might make you cringe end up being the most pleasurable. But also they can turn out just awful lol.

Checklists are a good place to start though so you can research more in depth the areas that interest you and the ones you have no idea about.

 

[His Flower]

I've done one of those checklists things that Master Vassago was talking about.

But I think what I've learned to be more important is being honest with yourself and your Dom. And even when I'm saying this, I still find it hard myself; but don't be embarassed to tell them what you enjoyed and don't enjoyed. Be open-minded, but don't hesitate to tell them what you think as well.

From my experience, I mean they're Doms, but MOST of them are rather reasonable, and I'm sure together you guys can find your own boundaries.

Good luck on your journey, and of course welcome abroad.

<smile>

His Flower

 

[niteshade]

ty for the advice guys... I was at castlerealm late last night; I guess i missed that section. I am off to explore it now!

 

[MasterNico]

it's great to see you doing the exploring ahead of time. Limits and boundries are a very good thing. I suggest sorting things into catagories (on paper, in your head, whatever) Wanna try, wanna try someday but not now, and don't even THINK about it. Eventually some things may get shifted around on the list.

slightly off toipc, I'll never forget once at a party I was about to play with someone I had not played with before. I sat down with her and said "let's discuss limits.." she quickly said "oh, I don't have any!" to which I replied "Great, I've always wanted to use 16 penny nails to mount someone's nipples to a 2 x 4!"

....she re-thought the idea of limits

 

[niteshade]

LMAO.... I bet she did.

 

[His Flower]

"let's discuss limits.." she quickly said "oh, I don't have any!" to which I replied "Great, I've always wanted to use 16 penny nails to mount someone's nipples to a 2 x 4!"

....she re-thought the idea of limits

the sadistic humor. I love that one! Heheheh

His Flower

 

[bunny bondage]

i'm so glad to see that you're trying to figure this stuff out BEFORE jumping into a relationship. limits are something that are, i've found, prone to change. but i guess my point is this: limits (with the exception of some very hard ones that you'll just never even consider) tend to bend and change as time goes on and intimacy with your partner increases.

 

[niteshade]

Ty Bunny... I appricate the feedback... btw... I saw your pics... they are awesome

Niteshade.

 

[bunny bondage]

Ty Bunny... I appricate the feedback... btw... I saw your pics... they are awesome

Niteshade.

thanks! ^_^

 

[catalina_francisco]

I agree also with most others have said, though I also know that sometimes even the hard limits that you thought were absolute no-no's forever can change overtime, and with a particular partner, not all. It is one of those strange tricks the mind plays on us at times when we find ourselves drawn to the very things we previously thought were unacceptable just out of some perverse pleasure principle which demands trying it at least once just to see if it is as horrible as imagined, or simply just to please the one you love and serve. LOL. Is not for everyone though, and certainly does test the most open minded of minds.

Catalina