Finding a kink-friendly therapist

[angela146]

Anyone have any experience with finding a kink-friendly (or at least alternate-lifestyle-friendly) therapist?

I want to switch therapists and find someone with whom I'm comfortable being open about my sexuality.

Most of all, I don't want someone who will see BDSM or an open marriage as something to be "cured" or "dealt with". I'd like to be able to be open about relationships that have a direct impact on my life, rather than having to leave them "off the table".

Yes, I could just ask but it's difficult to get a therapist to give a direct answer about anything (i.e. I don't want to open up to someone until I know for sure I'm going to be accepted for who I am).

Has anyone been there? Can you share some successes/failures?

Thanks in advance...

 

[warrior queen]

seems to me, if you need a therapist to talk to about this stuff - you really aren't ready for any of it.

just my opinion.

 

[Quint]

seems to me, if you need a therapist to talk to about this stuff - you really aren't ready for any of it.

just my opinion.

I didn't read her post as saying she wanted help specifically about her sexuality, just that she didn't want to be judged for it. I also disagree with your opinion that one must be 100% emotionally and mentally prepared for an action before one attempts it, but that's a whole nother story.

In response to the original question, this is a list of a variety of kink-aware professionals. I think this is a very useful place to begin. Best wishes.

 

[dollface007]

It seems to me that a good therapist (that you're seeing voluntarily) will prioritize the aspects of your life that YOU want to work on, no matter what they are. Make sure the next therapist you see has this same philosophy before you start seeing them.

 

[lilnymph28]

Anyone have any experience with finding a kink-friendly (or at least alternate-lifestyle-friendly) therapist?

I want to switch therapists and find someone with whom I'm comfortable being open about my sexuality.

Most of all, I don't want someone who will see BDSM or an open marriage as something to be "cured" or "dealt with". I'd like to be able to be open about relationships that have a direct impact on my life, rather than having to leave them "off the table".

Yes, I could just ask but it's difficult to get a therapist to give a direct answer about anything (i.e. I don't want to open up to someone until I know for sure I'm going to be accepted for who I am).

Has anyone been there? Can you share some successes/failures?

Thanks in advance...

I have the exact same worries... I really need to go to therapy, for problems unrelated to my sexuality, and am afraid that the therapist will focus on my sexuality as either a symptom of my emotional problems, or the root of them. I am actually going to see a new doctor next week, and I'm sort of just holding my breath and jumping in. After all, I figure if my sexual choices are an issue for the therapist when I don't see them as a problem, I will simply find another one. There's nothing that says that if you feel judged you have to go back. I actually went to a therapist once before, about 10 years ago, and left feeling worse than I did when I walked in. The impression that I got from him was that my problems were insignificant, and that I had just wasted an hour of his time. It's taken me a while to realize that he was a waste of MY time instead. I think that's what you need to remember.... don't be afraid to be who you are, and if you feel judged, then you have to decide if its worth it to go back, or not.

 

[lovechild27]

well..dont go to a religious therapist first off...hehehe. do an interview with them before you set your appointment. Be upfront about your lifestyle and expectations. Even then...it takes time to find someone you comfy with...the first person or two may not work even if they are open to alternative lifestyles. I would imagine most shrinks, in this day and age...would be open to whatever you did in your life and would work with you on your issues...not what they want to change.

 

[angela146]

I didn't read her post as saying she wanted help specifically about her sexuality, just that she didn't want to be judged for it.

Correct. I'm in therapy to deal with the effects of severe mood swings caused mostly by hormonal issues. Obviously, this kind of problem *affects* my sexuality and I need a therapist who can deal openly with that issue.

[One doesn't have to] be 100% emotionally and mentally prepared for an action before one attempts it ...

Yes. I don't like being judged "ill" or "deviant" because I happen to like sex with someone other than my husband. When it comes from a therapist, it can be particularly painful.

In response to the original question, this is a list of a variety of kink-aware professionals. I think this is a very useful place to begin.

Thank you, it was, although there is no one listed in my state, there are a couple from the next state over. I may call one of them for a referral.

 

[angela146]

seems to me, if you need a therapist to talk to about this stuff - you really aren't ready for any of it. just my opinion.

As you'll see in another of my replies, I'm not actually in therapy *because* of my sexual preferences. However, I agree that one has to be pretty darn comfortable with polyamory before attempting it.

You and Quint are both right...

My problem is that my mood swings make it difficult for me to be "reliable" in a relationship. I want to get better control of my moods so I can be a slightly more stable lover with people other than my husband.

 

[angela146]

Re: Re: Finding a kink-friendly therapist

I have the exact same worries... I really need to go to therapy, for problems unrelated to my sexuality, and am afraid that the therapist will focus on my sexuality as either a symptom of my emotional problems, or the root of them.

Bingo!

I am actually going to see a new doctor next week, and I'm sort of just holding my breath and jumping in. After all, I figure if my sexual choices are an issue for the therapist when I don't see them as a problem, I will simply find another one.

And the process of therapist shopping can be pretty painful. Take a look at the list that Quint refers to. It may help.

There's nothing that says that if you feel judged you have to go back.

I just don't want to have to deal with it in the first place, especially if I have to "shop" through several therapists before finding a good one.

... don't be afraid to be who you are, and if you feel judged, then you have to decide if its worth it to go back, or not.

It takes a lot of courage to talk about this with a complete stranger and in the first meeting, a therapist is exactly that. I'm hoping that I can get a referral from one of the "kink aware" professionals to someone in my local area. I'll let you know.

 

[Lust Engine]

well..dont go to a religious therapist first off...hehehe. do an interview with them before you set your appointment. Be upfront about your lifestyle and expectations. Even then...it takes time to find someone you comfy with...the first person or two may not work even if they are open to alternative lifestyles. I would imagine most shrinks, in this day and age...would be open to whatever you did in your life and would work with you on your issues...not what they want to change.

I think your comfort level here is most important.

If you find a therapist who is kind & understanding as opposed to a therapist who is a prick, the same message gets delivered with a slight different twist. As long as you're jumping from one therapist to another seeking to hear certain things, I'd like to think all therapists should be professional and up front about things.

I'd like to think that most of them wouldn't be too judgmental on your lifestyle no matter how kinky or deviated from the norm YOU think it might be. If you're there to seek help- be specific about what you want.

Good luck.

 

[angela146]

Thanks, everyone, I think I've got my answer. I'm going to follow up with one or more of the people on the kink-aware list to see if any of them can give me a referral in my geography.