Find out if he's married..without asking.

[NewEnglandBBW]

Since I don't really know who else to ask, I thought I'd ask the experienced folks here!

I am a healthcare temp, and work at a small facility once or twice a week. I have developed a little "thing" for one of the men working there, and, naturally, want to know if he's married.

Problem is, it's a VERY small workplace where everyone has been there (or their parents before them) forever. They all live in the equally VERY small community, so, asking him outright, or anyone else there for that matter is totally out of the question. If he is married, and there is any hint that I'm interested, I'll be watched by the mother hens as if I were a threat (even though I believe in being totally faithful and would never pursue a man who was "taken").

We speak once or twice during the days I'm working there, but only brief conversations in the hallway as we pass. He usually initiates the conversation (stops as he passes and says hello, asks how my day is) but I've watched him, and he does the same with everyone, so his attention to me is not "special" in an way.

In this short time, where should I steer the conversation, or what topic might get us where I'm trying to go? He know's I'm not married, and I'm raising a child (I figured that was a good step, in case he's interested in me). He's got no wedding ring, or sign of one (but, some men don't). I've never heard him mention family, or seen any family come in to see him (at this place kids, wifes, etc often stop in for lunch, etc.)... But.. he drives a newer SUV (which I see it as a family vehicle)..

So, I know it's a long drawn out question with explanation, but I'd love some help. This is a really nice guy who I could see possiblities with, if he's single that is...

Any ideas??

NEBBW

 

[R Nitelight]

NewEnglandBBW

Under the circumstances, I don't think a simple, direct, "Hey, are you married?" is inappropriate. Ask.

Good luck!

 

[NewEnglandBBW]

Thanks, R Nitelight..

In most cases, I'd agree, but not here. If I ask outright (without being on the subject of kids or marriage), and he IS married, chances are, I may not be asked to come back to work at this place, they'll consider it inappropriate, etc.. It's hard to explain, unless you know small town mentality.. I'm looking for an alternative to just asking. If I saw this man elsewhere, I'd ask him.. the problem is that we are in a workplace, and more-so, a workplace that isn't MINE, where I'm essentially a guest... I wish it were easier!!

 

[dancinvixen]

Try indirectly asking your co-workers.

 

[Friendly Dragon]

Seeing as Christmas in on the way I think that'd give you the perfect opportunity. If you were to buy Christmas cards for everyone that works there (it's a small close workplace after all, so it shouldn't bankrupt you ) then you should quite happily be able to ask one of your colleagues about everyone's "situation", so you know what to write on the cards. You know, whether it's to just them, them AND FAMILY, etc. Just be sure to take the details for everyone there, coincidentally including him, and they should be none the wiser.

 

[R Nitelight]

Friendly Dragon

Sneaky. Very sneaky. Damn, you're good!

 

[NewEnglandBBW]

Friendly Dragon

Now THIS is exactly the type of thing I'm looking for. I'm not sure if I'll be assigned there in December, but I might be able to work with it somehow....

Any other brilliant ideas?? I knew I could count on you guys!!

 

[Weird Harold]

Play dumb.

Ask him what his wife thinks about something. If he doesn't have one, he'll correct you and you can plead embarrassement for making an obvious mistake.

 

[ANiceGuy]

Ask About the SUV

Ask about theSUV. (Guys love to chat about their wheels.) Mention as a single girl ( that will flat out tell him you are single for sure and give him the in to kinda active "protective" and helpfull.) you are thinking about an SUV for the safety aspect. (You can evade some one harrassig you. ) That ought to open up a lot of areas. Ask if he goes camping. (Hunting with the guys would indicate either married or single but camping might bring out the "other half" info. Also if you get close enough to see if his passenger seat is it clean all the time like some one sits there a lot or littered with all kinds of stuff. Single guys use the passenger seat for storage a lot. If the visor is down it might mean a girl has been using it to check her make up a lot. If he doesn't act nicer to singel girls or act like he is "trolling" it may be he has an other half (Wife or girlfriend).

 

[NewEnglandBBW]

Some great ideas!!

You're all doing great!! Now I've got a few ideas to keep in the back of my mind, and I can use whatever seems suitable at the moment. I don't get back there until Thursday of this week, so there's still time to work on some more routes of pursuit!! I'm hoping that the topic of Thanksgiving will come up, and I can work in a question/ comment about where I'll be and what his plans are..

Wish me luck!

[Edited by NewEnglandBBW on 11-13-2000 at 03:58 PM]

 

[SpecialK]

Oooh! Good luck NewEnglandBBW!!

I must say, that Christmas card idea was great!

K

 

[NewEnglandBBW]

darnitall.....but not what you think...

Went to work.. Saw him.. down the hall..going the other way. that was it!! Argh!! Not even a chance to talk this week.. But.. the good thing is, I'm assigned at that facility for the entire month of December!! I can't wait!!

Thanks for all your advice!!

NEBBW

 

[Softly]

It is better to try and fail, then to not try at all

New EnglandBBW,

Use a people search like http://www.whowhere.com to get his home address. Drive by the place. If it is a single family home that has children's swings or play things around, you have your answer. If on the other hand, it is an apartment or condo complex, a check of the listed residents might give you the answer. An example: If all listings are John and Mary Smith, but in his case, it says "Tom Jones," you have a clue that he may be single. Another thing to do, if it is a condo or apartment is to ask one of the residents, or the manager of the place.

If he has a single family home or condo, go to city hall and ask the clerk to help you identify who is the owner of the place. The clerk will think you are interested in buying it. If he is listed alone, he may be single.

If you find clues that he may be single, the next step is to let him know of your interest. At this point, you have to be bold, with a chance of upseting the locals. I would find him alone and say to him something like, "I hear that Jim Carry is really funny in his new movie that is on, care to see it with me?" Whether he is not dating or has a current girl, he now will know that you have an interest. The ball is in his court then.