Finally, my first story is posted

[LivingUnicorn]

Hi all,

My first story has finally posted. It probably is terrible, but I enjoyed writing it and it gives me a thrill just to see it posted on this site.

If you have some time I would appreciate any and all comments on the story, my writing, or anything else you would like to comment on.

Here is the link to the story, which is called "The Deflowering"

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=37658

My email address is

LivingUnicorn@surfy.net


Thanks to everyone.
LU

 

[rigged4dive]

Beautifully conceived, and even more beautifully told.

On a scale of one to five, this story is a solid ten.

If you don’t write for a living, you should.

 

[LivingUnicorn]

Wow Rigged4Dive! {blushing}

Thanks for the wonderful compliment! You are so very sweet!

LU

 

[Spydr2010]

Firstly I am in complete awe, that you were able to take a fantastiacal species like the Wood Elves & turn it into a very erotic story. I had now idea what to expect, but couldn't stop reading as I wished to discover more!!

Your story completely enthralled me, not to mention, getting me quite excited. I only hope that when I pluck up enough courage to write & post my first story it will measure up to half of your achievment. I will recommend your stories to friends. Bravo.

 

[Whispersecret]

I also liked this story very much. It was well written, nicely paced, exciting and imaginative. I gave it one of my rare fives.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

LU,

Good imagination and fine execution. Your writing's very goog, but not perfect. However, the mistakes I noticed were relatively minor ones which practice and study should eliminate.

You made me hunt hard, but I managed to come up with a few nit-picks.

When she's being serviced by her fiance, there's a POV shift. As those hateful things go, it's not horrible, but it is a flaw.

IMHO, you way-to-hell-and-gone-again overuse the word, "she". It was your only real "beginner" type mistake.

Some of your paragraphs were on the long side, especially for a story that is being read on computers, where readers seem to perfer short paragraphs.

For a first poster, you're already very good with the potential to be even better, but only if you study and practice the craft of writing. RF

 

[LivingUnicorn]

Thanks so very much!

My, my, now I AM blushing!

You guys and gals are so very sweet to me! I really appreciate your comments.

RF, I will continue to study writing and try to improve. Your points are certainly well taken. Thank you for your excellent help.

I just love you all!

LU

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Unicorn,

Wonderfully written, you should be proud. I throughly enjoyed your story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. All the best in your future endevours. Don't stop writing.

Katerina