Finally, I'm writing again

[SubbiSister]

Hey all,
After a long hiatus, mostly due to time constraints from my previous Master, I am back, and writing again. Please check out my latest story in BDSM, "Weekend Getaway" and let me know what you think. And, before someone else asks, no, it did not happen to me. Well, not quite like that, at least.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=445274

I hope to have another story up soon, if this one does well.

Subbi

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Apart from a few copy edit glitches, it reads well and should be well received.

I'm no expert in D/s so my comments may be inappropriate, but anyway.

I know it is just a 'scene' but I felt you could have made Rebecka's emotions more of a rollercoaster - her initial fears more dramatic and her later pleasure more ecstatic. As you make her Master invisible and anonymous this becomes virtually first person and more of her thoughts would give depth to the story.

More angst when he discards her to go to dinner/reception, more relief when he returns.

Again, after you have eliminated sight as a sense, you don't explore the other four. To make the stranger real, shouldn't R be able to smell his muskiness, feel his hot breath on her painful clit etc. (I know clichéd examples).

Without sight, wouldn't she - like a blind person - concentrate on the timbre and resonance of his voice, trying to decide whether she trusted him enough?

Just my two cents, but I think that without the sensory and emotional stuff, the story becomes rather a blow-by-blow account of an encounter.

 

[SubbiSister]

Thanks for the tips. I appreciate the honest criticism. It's very hard to try to remember, and write everything, but I will certainly do better next time.

Subbi