Finally accepted something about myself...

[LostBabygirl3489]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

 

[Tommybowler]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

Well done you for realising this part of you. What works for one does not always work for others. It changes over time to. We need to be mindful of what is right for us now in our life and listen to our heart. If something feels bad don't do it. If it feels good go ahead. The only judge that matters is our heart. The judge in our head and in society punishes over and over again for the smallest thing. Just accept move on and don't keep punishing yourself repeatedly for one thing.

There is someone out there for you some place and they will probably pop up when you least expect it.

 

[kdb]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

You are strong and confident in knowing who you are. That in one word is sexy

 

[ArthurW]

Sweet lady there is nothing wrong with you. For most people casual sex is very troubling. You are and should be searching for a bond (love). I for one am very happy for you. Online casual sex is great and you only hear or read from your lover. Meet them if you want or feel you want to know more. But I feel you will have better luck off line meeting and finding someone. Lady chatting here is find but anyone can say anything but turn out to be a total pice of crap in person. You take care lady. I wish you all the best.

 

[Proximus]

"Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. " Billy Crystal, City Slickers (1991)

You are not a freak for needing/wanting that connection. Sure, you can get off without it, but, in my experience, you get off harder and you are much more fulfilled with it. Remember, your biggest erogenous zone is that 6 inch space between your ears! Good Luck!

 

[DarkSimian]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

thank you for saying what I've been thinking for years.....and know that you are not the only one (male or female) that thinks and feels this way. Some day, hopefully, you will find a partner of like mind, and it will be magic

 

[IARainman]

I felt the same way from high school through college and remained a virgin because I wanted to connect with someone I believed I had a future with and that didn't happen until I met the woman who is now my wife. Looking back, I missed out on some fun, and sometimes have regrets that I didn't partake in the wildness that was the early 80's, but overall, I'm pretty happy with who I am, where I've been and what I've experienced. There is no one right answer, and the right answer today may change over time. Congratulations for taking charge of "you" and doing what you want rather than what others want.

Be strong. Be happy.

 

[FelicityJohns]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

I am sending you a great big hug.

I am the same way. At the very least there has to be a solid friendship and a baseline of trust. You will find what you're looking for, probably when you least expect it. Just be true to yourself and happiness and love will find you. I truly believe that.

 

[LostBabygirl3489]

Such lovely responses...thank you so much, all the replies I read made me smile and helped me feel better. I've always been told that I am too sensitive, too clingy, even by past partners, but you guys are right. I will find the right person eventually. I won't close myself off completely.

 

[ab724u]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

You are spot on baby girl
Look, casual sex is fun but eh
When you truly find someone special, sex becomes more than the act and feels oh so good and special

 

[porkyrocket69]

Stop looking for what you want or need. It will find you...sooner than you think.

 

[yellowrocket]

I only want to say understanding your needs puts you ahead of so many people on an emotional level. Don't let the nay sayers ever get you down.

 

[LostBabygirl3489]

Stop looking for what you want or need. It will find you...sooner than you think.

I know...it takes time to learn these things.

 

[LostBabygirl3489]

I only want to say understanding your needs puts you ahead of so many people on an emotional level. Don't let the nay sayers ever get you down.

Thank you. I won't.

 

[Peppadance]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

Excellent discovery. As I've said before you are an exceptional person who deserves the best. No one can tell you how to live your life, acknowledging your true self, as it grows, is not always accepted by those around you but is always a good bet.

 

[txgent101]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

This may or may not be helpful:
Can you utilize this period of your life to learn about your own sexual needs and wants. What you enjoy receiving and giving. What things about this or that (temporary) partner do you really like or dislike. You might even keep a diary about your experiences. So that you do not have to deny yourself some sexual release, but also consider it a learning experience. And these temporary liaisons will prepare you for the joy of your permanent connection when you find it. I suspect that he will be very happy to have found someone who is sexually aware and (may I say?) skillful. Just a passing thought.

Take care of yourself little lost one....

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

so many responses, so few from women...

I applaud you for continuing your self discovery. The more you develop yourself and get to know your needs and wants, the more capable you'll be of communicating this to potential partners. Whatever you do, be sure you stay true to yourself and never try to force a square peg into a round hole.

Never let anyone make you feel odd for your likes and dislikes.
..unless, of course you're into scat... because that's just weird on multiple levels..

 

[LostBabygirl3489]

so many responses, so few from women...

I applaud you for continuing your self discovery. The more you develop yourself and get to know your needs and wants, the more capable you'll be of communicating this to potential partners. Whatever you do, be sure you stay true to yourself and never try to force a square peg into a round hole.

Never let anyone make you feel odd for your likes and dislikes.
..unless, of course you're into scat... because that's just weird on multiple levels..

Thank you dear...you are very kind.

 

[Friendlymann]

so many responses, so few from women...

I applaud you for continuing your self discovery. The more you develop yourself and get to know your needs and wants, the more capable you'll be of communicating this to potential partners. Whatever you do, be sure you stay true to yourself and never try to force a square peg into a round hole.

Never let anyone make you feel odd for your likes and dislikes.
..unless, of course you're into scat... because that's just weird on multiple levels..

Absolutely right, be true to yourself.

 

[InRhythm]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

It's beautiful to be a bit demisexual, to want built up intensity meant for you unleashed. You're far from the only one to like it that way, and it's lovely to watch someone doing what they would really choose deep down. Bravo!

 

[cara2272]

You're not at all silly for admitting this, I think it's brave. No one should feel pressured into casual sex, and since it's to do with sex, it absolutely does belong on a Lit thread.

I think I know how you feel. I've been there, ages ago, and I have friends who've gone through similar experiences. It's not pleasant, but things can get better. Don't give up, don't lower your expectations. Fuck 'em. Just because there are many who think you should, doesn't make it right, or even normal. There are people who will want love, or a FWB arrangement that actually includes friendship and both sides feeling valued as human beings all the way through.

Good luck

 

[Paul_Chance]

Congratulations on the journey of self-discovery. I often tell people that first true step in developing your sexuality is to take the time to go inward and find the answer to the question "what do I really want".

Whatever that answer is, whatever form it takes, once you've discovered what you truly want (not what other people tell you to want, not what societal rule-makers tell you what to want, not what pop culture tells you to want) - then you're on your way to eventually reaching the full flower of your sexuality.

 

[Kantarii]

I tried and tried to do the casual sex thing with men expecting it to yield the same happiness I had dating women. It never did workout for me. I can't make it work either and I'm totally with you on needing an emotional connection with the person I am having sex with. In light of that, I abandoned the whole idea of dating men in favor of dating women several years ago and have, for the most part, been much happier in my choice to do so. Kant

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this on Lit, given the content of the site, but I do have friends on here and there are many lovely people that I have chatted with here. I feel really silly for admitting this, but for the longest time now I have been trying to force myself to like casual sex and be okay with casual relationships. But in reality, it does not work for me. The last two times I had casual sex, I ended up crying, I felt empty and numb, and it was actually painful. Sex is supposed to fun and pleasurable. I have finally accepted that I need to have a connection with the person in order to enjoy sex. If I don't have that connection with mind, heart and soul, it feels wrong for me. I completely support people who enjoy casual sex, and see nothing wrong with it, but sadly I have noticed that we live in a hook up culture where relationships are seen as irrational and casual sex is a much better option. I thought there was something wrong with me for not liking casual sex like so many others do, but I was wrong.

I am feeling a lot better now that I have finally accepted this part of myself. Perhaps it will be months or even years before I am someone's girlfriend, but that is okay. It's better than faking something that I am not.

I think this is a perfectly normal view. While some find casual sex to work for them, my observation has been that the great majority of people want sex to be something deeper.

I don't judge either way, but I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all.
I think it's good that you've figured out what you need in your relationships, and that you will look to fulfill that.