Filthiness - yes or no?

[hurricane64]

I wouldn't be intimidated in the slightest.

 

[elsol]

All of this really begs a question:

How important is sex? It seems like fear of sexual inadequaty on one end and fear of not getting your sexual needs fulfilled on the other end is given a magnitude like none other in a relationship.

You know, having been single for several years now, I am not having what I thought was my sexual needs fulfilled, and gues what? I'm pretty damn happy anyway. Could it be that the importance of sexual perfection and sexual intensity in a relationship is blown way out of proportion by the common culture we share?

We're contantly reminded of that we need to "spice things up" in the bedroom. And yeah, by all means, I'm all for that. But why - and this is a question for guys and gals alike - is the humping game such a deal-breaker?

#L

Sex is the ONE un-recoverable deal-breaker to me. Anytime the issue has been sexual, it's a breakup for me.

Every single time, it's an issue of control... she said or did something that forced me to put control of sex in her hands.

For instance, an ex said 'If you ever hurt me, I would just go to [Ex-boyfriend]." We were talking about sex. Sexual control ceded to her, and we were done before the month was out.

The only other automatic breakup is the remote control... I either control it or you let me go watch TV in another room without complaints.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[rgraham666]

You know, this thread is really depressing the living shit out of me.

All these women wondering where the hell the good men are, and here I am, not even trying to find a woman any more because I'll never be good enough.

Shucks and other comments.

 

[elsol]

You know, this thread is really depressing the living shit out of me.

All these women wondering where the hell the good men are, and here I am, not even trying to find a woman any more because I'll never be good enough.

Shucks and other comments.

I don't think they're wondering where the good men are.

Just the ones that like women as filthy or filthier than they are.

Let's not open the can of worms labeled 'Where have all the good men gone?'

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[logophile]

The thread has actually depressed me as well, Rob.
I was really hoping to be proven wrong today.
I don't get it.
Maybe I'll exclusively date women from now on.

 

[Liar]

The thread has actually depressed me as well, Rob.
I was really hoping to be proven wrong today.
I don't get it.
Maybe I'll exclusively date women from now on.

I've read this thread back and forth, and I just gotta say: Huh? Because there are some men that are having issues? Didn't you already know that?

 

[rgraham666]

I don't think they're wondering where the good men are.

Just the ones that like women as filthy or filthier than they are.

Let's not open the can of worms labeled 'Where have all the good men gone?'

Sincerely,
ElSol

Sorry, elsol. Maybe it's just me but that's how I read it.

The thread has actually depressed me as well, Rob.
I was really hoping to be proven wrong today.
I don't get it.
Maybe I'll exclusively date women from now on.

Logo, I didn't answer this because I really don't know. I've only really had one woman in my life so I can't say.

I will admit that the word 'filthy' gives me a lot of problems. If it had been 'highly sexual' I could have made a comment.

That comment would have been 'I'll try, if she keeps it inside our relationship. I can't promise I'll be able to fulfill her needs, but I'll try.'

'Filthy' makes me think a woman is more interested in sex than in me. Fine, she can find her sex somewhere else.

 

[SeaCat]

Holy sweet effing Jesus I am so tired of this damned double standard. Why is it so important how experienced your partner is? Other than to learn from each other it doesn't mean shit. What a person does or did before hooking up with their current partner is in the past.

When we met my wife was more experienced than I was. Some of that experience was by choice, some of it wasn't. Some of it was good and some was bad. Rather than being disgusted, or upset, or jealouse about it I chose to learn from her. We took the parts we liked and left behind the rest. What she did before I came along, well I could care less about unless it makes for a good story.

My personal answer when a guy comments to me about what slut or whore the lady he dated was because she had more experience than he did is for him to call his Mommy and have her bring him his Barbie and Ken so he can sit in the corner while the adults play.

Cat

Sorry about the rant but I hear this way too much and am more than a little tired of it.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

 

[sophia jane]

Holy sweet effing Jesus I am so tired of this damned double standard. Why is it so important how experienced your partner is? Other than to learn from each other it doesn't mean shit. What a person does or did before hooking up with their current partner is in the past.

When we met my wife was more experienced than I was. Some of that experience was by choice, some of it wasn't. Some of it was good and some was bad. Rather than being disgusted, or upset, or jealouse about it I chose to learn from her. We took the parts we liked and left behind the rest. What she did before I came along, well I could care less about unless it makes for a good story.

My personal answer when a guy comments to me about what slut or whore the lady he dated was because she had more experience than he did is for him to call his Mommy and have her bring him his Barbie and Ken so he can sit in the corner while the adults play.

Cat

Sorry about the rant but I hear this way too much and am more than a little tired of it.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Your wife is a very lucky woman.

SJ

 

[sweetnpetite]

Men are intimidated by a woman who has a dirty mind and the desire and will to use it. They like it at first and tell you they love you for it, but then they're afraid they can't handle you, so they tell you you're too intense and then they run away to fuck someone they can handle.

I think I agree.

I also think that they *think* they can handle it, but then they can't. Although, I'm sure there a few that actually can. After a while they are gonna start to wonder about where you learned that and *with who*- or they might become insecure that they aren't enough for a wild child like you and start to think that you're running around on them.

 

[SeaCat]

I think I agree.

I also think that they *think* they can handle it, but then they can't. Although, I'm sure there a few that actually can. After a while they are gonna start to wonder about where you learned that and *with who*- or they might become insecure that they aren't enough for a wild child like you and start to think that you're running around on them.

As I said, there's always Barbie and Ken.

Cat

 

[sweetnpetite]

I'm sure everyone hates me from my last post. But anyway, in my own current life, my boyfriend likes me to be the dirty one. Or anyway, he likes to 'blame' it on me. Good cop-bad cop or something like that. He only does those dirty filthy yeah, I said it, I'm fine with the word, in fact, I rather like it things because I like it.

 

[Liar]

I think I agree.

I also think that they *think* they can handle it, but then they can't. Although, I'm sure there a few that actually can. After a while they are gonna start to wonder about where you learned that and *with who*- or they might become insecure that they aren't enough for a wild child like you and start to think that you're running around on them.

Man, I dig sterotyping. Here is another one (not exacly my opinion, but a good flamebait, I hope):

They might become insecure that they aren't enough for a wild child like you and start to think that you're running around on them...because that does happen?

It seems to me that highly sexed/experienced women are complaining that not as experienced men are afraid of the women puuting to high demands on them. At the same time those men are complaining that the women in fact do put those demands on them.

I see a match made in heaven lurking somewhere beneath the surface.

#L

ps. Naah, you're too adorable to hate.

 

[sweetnpetite]

As I said, there's always Barbie and Ken.

Cat

Yeah, I liked that response.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Man, I dig sterotyping.

ps. Naah, you're too adorable to hate.

Yeah, I get accused of that all the time. But I've been around long enough after a while you start to form opinions- and yes they are often generalities and stereotyping- that not everybody likes. But even though it may not be politically correct, I won't pretend that's not the way I see the world. There *are* certain general rules that guide us though life. We can't all go around being starry eyed and nieve forever, beleiving that each and every case is "special" that 'this time it's gonna be different'- I mean, you can keep your eyes open to the possiblity that it might be different, but if you expect it to be every time, you're just gonna be disapointed an awful lot.

And I'm jaded, but not completely closed minded. Because I don't say, "Oh for sure every time"- but you know, generalities do hold up, as long as you remember that they are generalities and not iron clad irrifutable laws of nature.

ps-- thanks about the adorable part :uu:

 

[logophile]

Man, I dig sterotyping. Here is another one (not exacly my opinion, but a good flamebait, I hope):

They might become insecure that they aren't enough for a wild child like you and start to think that you're running around on them...because that does happen?

It seems to me that highly sexed/experienced women are complaining that not as experienced men are afraid of the women puuting to high demands on them. At the same time those men are complaining that the women in fact do put those demands on them.

I see a match made in heaven lurking somewhere beneath the surface.

#L

ps. Naah, you're too adorable to hate.

Liar, I've read this post several times and I don't think I'm following you.
Can you clarify at all?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I wouldn't care if she were dirty minded or not. I think the greatest turn on I can have is when a woman just lets go to the moment. No thinking, no planning, just letting go and being completely uninhibited.

If the uninhibitedness leads to filty thoughts and words, so be it. If not, that's okay too.

 

[logophile]

I wouldn't care if she were dirty minded or not. I think the greatest turn on I can have is when a woman just lets go to the moment. No thinking, no planning, just letting go and being completely uninhibited.

If the uninhibitedness leads to filty thoughts and words, so be it. If not, that's okay too.

But, do you think you settle down with her?
Or would she just be fun for a little while?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

But, do you think you settle down with her?
Or would she just be fun for a little while?

If she's anything like you, I become her bitch for life.

 

[logophile]

If she's anything like you, I become her bitch for life.

 

[Edward Teach]

Question for the blokes - settle an argument between myself and logophile:

Filthiness? Do you like your girls to be as filthy, or filthier than you? Do you like them to have a dirty mind full of fantasies?

Or would you be intimidated if your g/f had a more sexual mind and a bigger libido than you?

The Earl

To strictly answer the questions:

I wouldn't want a woman for any length of time who had a "filthier" mind than mine.

I would not be intimidated if she had a more sexual mind and a bigger libido.

However:

To have a filthier mind than mine, she would have to be wanting me to do some pretty wild things -- hurt her or endanger one of us or engage in scat or shower play.

I have had two women ask me to hurt them. I mean really hurt them, not just leave a little bite mark or bruise. I refused but found a suitable substitute by using a mind fuck.

As for women who want to be choked, etc., fugitaboudit. I walk.

As for scat, etc., it isn't a matter of being intimidated, I could probably shit on one if that's what she really wanted but there's no way in hell I could fuck her after that. Even if I could get it up I would probably get sick and every time I thought of her from then on, the image would not be a very sexy one. For those who enjoy that sort of play, more power to you but for me it just wouldn't work.

To me, it is more a matter of being responsible than it is an obligation to engage in whatever your partner wants, kinda like it is up to me to use a good condom. And ego doesn’t enter into it.

As for the bigger libido, I have only met one and I loved the hell out of it although I pissed her off. When taking her home after fucking all night and half the day, she wanted me to pull off the road in broad daylight, forty miles from nowhere, out in farm country, and fuck one more time. I could just picture what would happen if a couple of inbreds came across us with her naked, hot little ass screaming her head off, as she was want to do. Can you hear "Dueling Banjos?"

Ed

 

[blackhaus7]

OK, I'll play with this.

Conversation from two weeks ago with my wife:

Wife: I'll bet you thought you'd never find a woman with as voracious a sexual appetite as yours.

Me: Yeah, but I never thought I'd marry her.

Me: I'll bet you thought you'd never find a guy with as voracious a sexual appetite as yours.

Silence

Wife: You're right.

The not marry part has nothing to do with sex, but has a lot to do with putting up with the other person. I could be (and have been) sexually compatable with a woman, but I didn't even want to live with her, much less be married to her.

I have NEVER, repeat, NEVER, been intimidated by a woman's sexuality. I don't back down and I don't quit. (My wife's and my first date was sharing a motel room. I told her I didn't quit first. She told me that she'd never been with a guy who could go the distance with her. 22 years later, I still haven't quit first. And we have yet to make love. It has not calmed down to that. Our sex is very physical and relentless.)

 

[Liar]

Liar, I've read this post several times and I don't think I'm following you.
Can you clarify at all?

This thread got flooded with generalising statements like "Men can't handle women with strong sexuality, so they end up leaving them." and "They *think* they can handle it, but then they can't." and so on. All boiling down to a universal male fear of sexual inadequacy. I just got a little fed up with the stereotyping and offered an alternative and equally "true" perspective: Maybe that fear is not just a creation of their minds? Does men leave women because they think they can't satisfy them, or could it also be that women leave men because they're not satisfied? I'd say both are equally valid. I've seen both happen.

Just saying that if a woman would lower her expectations if she was with a sexually plainer bloke than her (like you said you would, and the replies in RG's thread kinda speaks for themselves), then what reason would he have to worry? Sounds like a case of communication problem more than anything else. And if that could be resolved, cue the happily ever after theme.

Now, would you mind answering my question? What in this thread, other than perhaps elsol's perspective, got you so into blues mode?

#L

 

[LadyJeanne]

Me? http://www.my-smileys.de/smileys2/hat_3.gif

Absolutely! Worth waiting for too.


Hope really is the most insidious of the spirits in Pandora's Box, and the most challenging to subdue.

 

[Edward Teach]

From The Tonight Show


Johnny Carson: Do you think sex is dirty?

Woody Allen: Only when it's done right.



Ed


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