Fiery Chasm

[Lonelypoet]

The fires burn across the chasm,
as the smoke fills the sky.
Never more will the people dance,
no more the birds will fly.

For man has made his worthless bed,
which sinks into this pit.
He does strive to make things better,
but now must lie in it.

~ Lonelypoet

 

[BooMerengue]

You don't want comment, do you?

 

[Lonelypoet]

Comments

Yes, Boo, you may comment.

 

[Nickie Smiles]

I'm coming back tomorrow to tear your poem to pieces. Oh shit, it IS tomorrow! I'm going to bed. I can't see straight. I read too much tonight. I mean today.

You know I'm joking, don't you?


You punctuated. Come here and let me kiss you.

 

[bluerains]

I find

The fires burn across the chasm,
as the smoke fills the sky.
Never more will the people dance,
no more the birds will fly.

For man has made his worthless bed,
which sinks into this pit.
He does strive to make things better,
but now must lie in it.

~ Lonelypoet

no more the birds will fly
and
but now must lie in it

to me, does not make the impact of this powerful first part of the verse I love the first 3 lines, very insightful but, I feel you can find a line that will grab the viewer into
a heighened sense of awareness...imho...blue

 

[bluerains]

I find

The fires burn across the chasm,
as the smoke fills the sky.
Never more will the people dance,
no more the birds will fly.

For man has made his worthless bed,
which sinks into this pit.
He does strive to make things better,
but now must lie in it.

~ Lonelypoet

no more the birds will fly
and
but now must lie in it

to me, does not make the impact of this powerful first part of the verse I love the first 3 lines, very insightful but, I feel you can find a line that will grab the viewer into
a thundering sense of awareness, stun the viewer awaken the sheep....imho...blue

 

[Lonelypoet]

For: Nickie & Blue

Dearest Nickie,
You may kiss me anytime, darlin'.

Dearest Blue,
What am I to do with you? I could bend you over my knee and spank you into a "heightened sense of awareness," now that would get your attention! lol Oh well, here we go again! I do appreciate your comments. I will think on it. "Boo" did not come back to comment. Boo, it's okay, you may comment.

~ Lonelypoet

P.S. I'm in a good mood today. Can you tell?

 

[gypziedoll]

The fires burn across the chasm,
as the smoke fills the sky.
Never more will the people dance,
no more the birds will fly.

For man has made his worthless bed,
which sinks into this pit.
He does strive to make things better,
but now must lie in it.

~ Lonelypoet

very profound