Fetish story author looking for feedback and more

[DJM]

I've written a couple of stories for Literotica. They are:

Finding Her Desires and Seeing Jane

I've received feedback, much of it anonymous. The problem with that is I cannot have a discussion with the respondant. No e-mail to reply to. One of my stories is written from a woman's point of view, though I am a man. It would be great if there are women out there who would like to provide feedback. I write for the response of people. And, to connect, on a certain level, with someone. That would be interesting. Thanks for reading.

=J.

 

[Singularity]

Author? Author? Who's the Author?

DJM, you have no link to the stories in your post. And when you search the member list, there are no stories listed under DJM.

However, some other soul named DJM298 is the proud author of the stories you are asking to have reviewed.

I do have to say that the Pretenders song you used to set up the encounter in Seeing Jane is one of my favorites. Using Chrissy Hynde's voice as an accomplice is a good idea (now I also like Talking Heads from the same era, and Psycho Killer and Burning Down the House probably wouldn't quite work the same way, so I agree with your choice of Chrissy - one of the all-time most sexy voices in the business).

My first suggestion is that you have some overly long paragraphs, that the reader can easily get lost in, especially when you and the Leather Queen get it on.

And I would like to know more about what is going on in your head when all of this is unfolding. You make it all sound somewhat unremarkable. The morphing of a bland accountant or consultant into a leather goddess should engender some excitement, some sense of "Holy Shit!" or some other emotion.

More passion, more emotion, and more intensity, please!

Singularity