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Festive Smiles.

English Lady

English Lady

Erotic English Rose
Joined
Sep 28, 2002
Posts
48,011
I don't know about anyone else, but I could really do with a smile right now.

So here we go, post your jokes, funny pics, annecdotes of Christmas past and anything cute and smile worthy to do with Christmas here.

Let's smile, lets have some fun, lets get festive! :D
 
Sam -oooh get as carried away as you like - I'm enjoying them!

Mat -thats a great little collection on that site :)

I'm feeling far more chipper already!
 
THIS RECIPE TAKES THE CAKE!

CAKE INGREDIENTS for CAT LITTER CAKE

1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"

1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan.
Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or
food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie
crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.

When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss
with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the
mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable.
Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more
rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture.. Sprinkle remaining
white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over
top.

Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the
cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining
Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box
on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!

:eek: :eek:
 
Samandiriel said:
RUMPLE'S TREE...

http://www.unbound.ru/img/pics/tree.jpg
Click to expand...
SAM!

You done went a spoilt the surprise.

Anyway, here are:

The Twelve Thank You Notes of Christmas (Cajun Style*)


Day 1
Dear Emile,

Thanks for da bird in the Pear tree. I fixed it las night with dirty rice an' it was delicious. I doan tink the Pear tree would grow in de swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma.

--

Day 2
Dear Emile,

Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got was 2 scrawny pigeon. Anyway, I mixed them with andouille (sausage) and made some gumbo out of dem.

--

Day 3
Dear Emile,

Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darned bird. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog, Phideaux (Fido). Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster.

--

Day 4
Dear Emile,

Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez four, what you call "calling bird" wuz so noisy you could hear dem all da' way to Lafayette. I used they necks for my crab traps, and fed the rest of dem to the gators.

--

Day 5
Dear Emile,

You finally sent something useful. I liked dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Breaux Bridge and got enough money to fix the shaft on papa’s shrimp boat, and to buy a round at da Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

--

Day 6
Dear Emile,

Couchon! Back to da birds, you big dumb turkey! Poor egg sucking Phideaux is scared to death ah dem six goose. He try to eat they eggs and they pecked da heck out ah his snout. Dem goose are dang good at eating cockroach around da house, though. I may stuff one ah dem goose with oyster dressing to serve him on Christmas Day.

--

Day 7
Dear Emile,

I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Ol' Boudreaux, da mailman, is ready to kill you, too. The poop from all dem bird is stinkin’ up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and gonna sue him. I let dem seven swan loose to swim on da bayou and some stupid duck hunter from Mississippi done blasted dem out da water. Talk to you tomorrow.

--

Day 8
Dear Emile,

Poor ole Boudreaux had to make 3 trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids-a-milking & der cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me. I told dem to get to work gutting fish and sweeping papa’s shack--but dey say it wasn't in their contract. They probably tink they too good to skin all dem nutria I caught las night.

--

Day 9
Dear Emile,

What you trying to do? Boudreaux had to borrow da Cameron Ferry to carry these jumping twits you call lords-a-leaping across da bayou. As soon as dey got here, dey wanted a tea break and crumpets. I doan know what dat means, but I says, "Well la di da. You get Chicory coffee or nuthin’." Mon Dieux, Emile, what I'm gonna feed all these bozos? They too snooty for fried nutria, and da cow ate up all my turnip green.

--

Day 10
Dear Emile,

You got to be out of you mind. If da mailman don't kill you, I will. Today he deliver 10 half nekkid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said they be "ladies dancing" but they doan act like ladies in front of dem Limey sailing boys. Dey almost left after one of them got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde (everybody) and get toilet paper rolls. The Sears catalog wasn't good enough for dem hoity toity lords and ladies. Talk at you tomorrow, maybe.

--

Day 11
Dear Emile,

Where you at? Cherio and pip pip. You 11 Pipers Piping arrived today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off da boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished da whiskey, and we're having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman drank a bottle of Jack Daniel, and he's having a good old time dancing with the floozies. Da old mailman, Boudreaux, he done jump off the Moss Bluff Bridge yesterday, screaming you name. If you happens to get a mysterious-looking package in da mail dats ticking, don't open it.

--

Day 12
Dear Emile,

Me, I'm sorry to tell you--but I am not your true love no more. After the fais-do-do, I talked all da night with Jacque, the head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentlemen's club on da bayou in Napoleonville. The floozies--pardon me--ladies dancing, can make $20 un hour for dancin' or whatever, and the lords can be the waiters and valet park da pickups and boats. Since dem maids have no more cows to milk, I done trained dem to set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, and help papa with da shrimping. We'll probably gross a million dollars next year.

Joyeaux Noel et Bonne Annee!

==

*Cajuns are hard-working, fun-loving folks of French descent who settled in the bayous of south Louisiana when the English tossed 'em out of what's now called Nova Scotia.

Prof. Rumple Foreskin, Ph.d (piled higher and deeper) :cool:
 
Last edited:
I adore the doggy nativity :D

Mat -that recipe is scary!

Rumply -loved the 12 days!!! :kiss:
 
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