unusuallyconfused
BLUE EYED BABE
- Joined
- May 22, 2001
- Posts
- 1,253
> Feminine Language
>
> A must-read for all men.
> Keywords and their meanings:
>
> FINE:
> This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are
> right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a
> woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
>
> FIVE MINUTES:
> This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
> football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
> even trade.
>
> NOTHING:
> This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
> used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
> out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument
> that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."
>
> GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
> This is a dare, one that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing"
> and will end with the word "Fine."
>
> GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
> This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You
> will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
> "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when
> she cools off.
>
> (LOUD SIGH):
> This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
> misunderstood by men.
> A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders
> why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
> "Nothing."
>
> (SOFT SIGH):
> Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
> things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
> to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
>
> OH!:
> This exclamation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example:
> "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing
> last night."
> If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest
> exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your
> clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least
> 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are
> caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get
> raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we
> can't bring ourselves to write about them.
>
> THAT'S OK:
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
> man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying
> you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
> "That's OK" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction
> with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when
> she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big
> trouble.
>
> PLEASE DO:
> This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
> to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
> is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be
> careful and you shouldn't get a "That's OK."
>
> THANKS:
> A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome."
>
> THANKS A LOT:
> This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT,"
> when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her
> in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful
> not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
> say "Nothing."
>
> I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...
>
> A must-read for all men.
> Keywords and their meanings:
>
> FINE:
> This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are
> right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a
> woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
>
> FIVE MINUTES:
> This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
> football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
> even trade.
>
> NOTHING:
> This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
> used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
> out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument
> that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."
>
> GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
> This is a dare, one that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing"
> and will end with the word "Fine."
>
> GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
> This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You
> will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
> "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when
> she cools off.
>
> (LOUD SIGH):
> This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
> misunderstood by men.
> A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders
> why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
> "Nothing."
>
> (SOFT SIGH):
> Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
> things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
> to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
>
> OH!:
> This exclamation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example:
> "Oh, let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing
> last night."
> If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest
> exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your
> clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least
> 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are
> caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get
> raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we
> can't bring ourselves to write about them.
>
> THAT'S OK:
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
> man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying
> you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
> "That's OK" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction
> with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when
> she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big
> trouble.
>
> PLEASE DO:
> This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
> to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
> is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be
> careful and you shouldn't get a "That's OK."
>
> THANKS:
> A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome."
>
> THANKS A LOT:
> This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT,"
> when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her
> in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful
> not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
> say "Nothing."
>
> I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...
