Femdoms please explain

[NCShin]

Femdoms all over lit are bracing for another flame fest, I can feel it. But, I just want real info from the real people who are Femdoms in Real Life.

Maybe (probably) I have a total misconception of what it is to be a Female Dominant. I have little to no experience with them. (I'm not submissive, so I likely never will first hand)

All I know of the term femdom is what I've seen on the internet, seen or heard in chatrooms or message boards.

Here is what I think of when I think of a Female Dominant.

1) Brutal -- I've seen many pictures of high healed women standing (at least sort of) on genitalia belonging to submissive masochistic men.

2) Man-haters -- I'm not sure why I have this opinion. Maybe it's because of the above example, my thinking that you have to hate men to have any desire AT ALL to stand on their cock 'n balls.

3) Butch -- This is just from internet porn I guess. If I've ever seen a petite woman in a Femdom position I can't remember. Most are, at least tall, but from what I can remember in photos they are usually also fairly husky.

4) Bitchy -- Yeah, I said it. I'm sorry. I'm sure they aren't all bitchy. Maybe it's because they constantly have to defend themselves from opinions like mine. I think it is also just how I view them in stories. Maybe it's because I'm not submissive.

5) Overbearing -- Again, from pictures. This one is really hard to explain as to why I feel that way. Maybe it's the way that they assert themselves over their submissive. Maybe it's what they, and the submissive likes. Again, hard to explain, maybe you one of you will be able to decipher this


Again i am NOT trying to start a flame war here. I am just trying to be open and understand. I'm looking for maybe some facts of how it really is when it's not porn.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Maybe a visit to Shadowsdream's site might begin to dispel some of these myths for you. Have fun.

Catalina

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Er, hasn't this topic been overdone a bit?

As I'm not a femdom (domme is the proper spelling btw, I believe) so risk the wrath of both you and the many bitchy, brutal, manhating, overbearing, brutal (What?! You left out Amazon! You even left out Lesbian!! You're slipping, dude! I know, I know, you said butch but Butch doesn't Equal lesbian, now does it, dear?) Femdoms hereabouts -- BUT Why, oh Why would you even Ask this question? Hmmm?
What do you expect anyone to say, hmmmm? No, no, they are all sweet gentle little pussycats, dainty and ill-perceived. Yes, It's all True!! So, true! Oh, g-d I see it now -- what have we been Doing! What have we been Thinking! We are all but a Stereotype! Just like all those other stereotypes that are True, True I tell you!

And as a nondom, I get to be as bitchy as I like, don't I?

Let's see -- Femdom. Kinda like that word. Let every Woman in the Femdom come before me, saith the Fem (that would be Me, of course!!)

Okey, now that Some of that is out of my system -- let me guess: it never occured to you to switch sexes and ask those self-same questions? For instance -- do you assume that Mendoms (or to keep it french, Homdoms) hate women, when you see photos of them doing nasty sm stuff to women? How about rape? Did you ever stop to think that you have Never Ever heard a news story about a gang of evil Femdoms chasing down and hurting the privates of some hapless young man? NOW reverse the sexes.

In fact, those poor Femdoms can't keep up with all the action from men begging to be beat, hounded day and night. Seriously, don't piss off the Femdoms or they could leave and then you're going to have hoards of angry Mensubs chasing you down. I kid you not.

So anyway, what was the question again?

If you're not a sub, what do you care, where does your Curiosity come from? Brace yourself. I just want real info, from a real non-sub who would ask such a question in Real Life. Maybe I have a total misconception of what it is to be a Just Curious. All I know is what I've seen or heard in chatrooms or message boards. Here is what i think of when I think of a JustCurious (may I call you JusCuss for short, or maybe JCr -- pronounced joker):

1. hidden agenda
2. Woman-Hater -- not sure why I have this opinion. Maybe because my thinking that you have to hate women to have any desire AT ALL to come harass the ones that are perceived of as being strong and dominant.
3.wimpy -- this is just from, well, that you harped so on such things as body size, as opposed to say, asking if they all wear black leather and other such dumb physical stereotypes.
4. Bitchy -- there I said it! I'm sure All the Just Curious aren't bitchy.
Maybe it's because they constantly 'have to' attack, with their opinions.
Maybe it's because I'm not a Femdom, and therefore don't recognize that everybody BUT ME, is bitchy?

5) Overbearing -- This one is really hard to explain as to why I feel that way. Maybe it's the way that they try to assert themselves over people like Femdoms. Again, hard to explain, maybe you one of you will be able to decipher this.


Again i am NOT trying to start a flame war here. I am just trying to be open and understand. I'm looking for maybe some facts of how it really is when it's not porn.

Love and kisses,

Your Friend,

lil ol' me (just another non-Femdom)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

just kidding.


ok, ok, Seriously, I looked up your recent posts and see that you haven't been trolling, have been respectful of others, etc. So SOME of that may have been unwarranted. DAMN, it was FUN, though!
(How about some smilies to go with it? )

Ps. Am NOT a Domme! Am not, am not am Not! No matter what ownedsubgal says. Switch...? hmmm....


(edited just for the hell of it.)

 

[s'lara]

Not a Domme, but it will be interesting to see some coherent, serious and thoughtful responses to the questions.

lara

 

[NCShin]

Without going through every line of your post, I ask because I am trying to be open.

I am hoping that my submissive will be able to move here by summer. At that time (or soon after) I hope to get into the local scene. I'm sure there will be female dominants there, I don't want to walk in with an untrue opinion of them.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Not a Domme, but it will be interesting to see some coherent, serious and thoughtful responses to the questions.

lara

Will it? Was it the last several times the topic came up in the short time I've been here?

The last time I was one of those thoughtful, serious responders (ask Saint-Sinner, Netzach and others). This time, well... there's a search function. Could I have said that? Yes. But it would have been a lot less fun. "Coherent," though, now that was just plain mean.

(Oh, where is the Wrascally Wrothful One when I need him?)

Ps. there was plenty of serious substance in that post -- to wit: try reversing the sexes and ask yourself the same question. And btw, would you find 'interesting' a 'serious and thoughtful' response from African-Americans to a question as to whether they are shiftless and lazy... as seen in some movie by someone who has never met one?

 

[Netzach]

Ok, so porn is where you are getting your ideas from. I guess I could get some really fucked up ideas about heterosexuality from porn. Like 95% of heterosexual females like being covered in jism from a circle jerk. Like 56% of heterosexual females walk around sucking their own tit and looking feral. And 99.8% of heterosexual females do no kinds of activity whatsoever but lounge in lingerie, vacuum in the buff, and get screwed from behind.

But you want to know about reality.

Brutal:

I'm so brutal that I sometimes blow my fiance when I have him tied down, and I even enjoy it.

I'm so ruthless that I stop when he seems like he's genuinely distressed or if he safewords. (edited to add, not safewording on being blown, obviously)

I'm so brutal that we talk about new things that he finds troublesome or cause him trepidation at length and

...I'm so TOTALLY callous that I really don't force the issue if something that he really hates comes up, I back down more often than not. Because I love my boy and frankly, our co-existence is more important to me than ownership or total obedience and it's not contingent on some very inflexible idea of what has to be done. He does his best to please me, always, and I could not be happier. He enjoys pain and he's masochistic, and when I apply pain, as I enjoy doing, it's a cocktail for something quite magical and amazing. he goes out of his way for my pleasure, often, and this is something that fulfills us both.

I am just a ballbreaking, cocksucking, ass ramming heartless bitch on wheels.

There are butch Dommes and fem Dommes just as there are butch Doms and femmy little sissypants milquetoasty Doms who keep their women (and men) totally and completely under their control.

I'm 5'4" not in heels. Male jackoff fantasy usually involves a Domme in heels, hence the impression that we are all tall.

submale jackoff fantasy image banks also involve Dommes doing things like ballbusting, ashing on your face, beating you with whips and doing things other than looking demure and sucking dick. Guess what, it's aimed at the submissive male, not the Dominant male. Duh. Hence the emphasis on brutality and bitchiness. Just like it's impossible for you to imagine some guy wanting his balls stepped on it's totally unthinkable for me to imagine having my any fucking thing pierced because Master wants me to, but guess what...I know other women love that shit. And it's great for them whatever makes them happy is totally great.

Do you want to know my opinion of maledoms, as a femdom?

I don't really have one. Maledoms, like femsubs, Femdoms, switches, and fans of the Simpsons, come from many walks and have unique styles.

I dislike a lot of them because they seem to need to invalidate me, I count one or two as super good friends and I don't really fixate on them as a class of people that much, probably the way you don't really fixate on guys because they are out of your sexual running.

Yeah, some male Doms are pretty cool, and that's all they are ever going to be is pretty cool

because I...don't...submit...to men. Deal.

MaleDoms are not in my own sexual running. So what am I supposed to do, fall down all over myself? Get really neurotic or just say, hi, how are you doing?

I'm dying to know how to be overbearing in a picture, I think it would get me more business...can you please explain this to me?

Look, guy, remember you PM'd me with a normal vanilla-life businessy question, I said hi and answered, and thanks?

I'm a Femdom, I don't get called bitch very often at all. I'm in fact pretty damn conciliatory, and have often discouraged other femdoms from pitching the uneccessary hissy. But I don't like the invalidation, and you would not either.

 

[s'lara]

Will it? Was it the last several times the topic came up in the short time I've been here?

The last time I was one of those thoughtful, serious responders (ask Saint-Sinner, Netzach and others). This time, well... there's a search function. Could I have said that? Yes. But it would have been a lot less fun. "Coherent," though, now that was just plain mean.

(Oh, where is the Wrascally Wrothful One when I need him?)

Ps. there was plenty of serious substance in that post -- to wit: try reversing the sexes and ask yourself the same question. And btw, would you find 'interesting' a 'serious and thoughtful' response from African-Americans to a question as to whether they are shiftless and lazy... as seen in some movie by someone who has never met one?

i think you took my post directly to heart possibly because i posted right after you. If i'd wanted to single your posting out in any way, i would have quoted you PS.

Yes, i think it will be nice to see some thoughtful, serious responses to those questions simply because, and as you've pointed out, there haven't been any in-depth discussions regarding Domme's in the past. Whether those previous conversations were of substance does not mean there shouldn't be any now or in the future.

The topic of Domme's hasn't been covered nearly enough and i would like to see that here on the board. Given our limited number of Domme's present, i'd hope the discussion would turn in that direction. Any discussion regarding Domme's would be interesting and how that is akin to stereotypes of African-American's makes no sense to me. That's a reaching comparison and unfitting in this discussion. i said the response of the Domme's would be interesting ... not NCShin's questions -- again, another assumption. While i may not agree with the definitions set-forth by NCShin, i do want to see this board's Domme's stomp those misconceptions into the ground.

i think your being offended about my statement says more about how you view your posts and not how i view them. i've found you coherent, thoughtful and serious on occasion. Your perception about my post pointed towards you is misplaced. If you want to discuss this without unnecessarily hijacking the thread any further, feel free to PM me.

Now back to topic.

lara

 

[FungiUg]

NCShin, that's a very negative attitude to take about what is essentially just a personality trait. Let's reflect it so that maybe what you say makes a little more sense.

Are male Doms "brutal"?

Are male Doms female haters?

Are male Doms "butch"?

Are male Doms "bitchy"?

Are male Doms "overbearing"?

For me, the answer kind of jumps out as a "yes". All of those things can be dominant traits. They've little relationship to gender. Okay, we don't often call men "bitches" (unless you hang around in gay male circles.) But the same attitude can prevail.

So is it that these traits are acceptable for males, but not for females? Can you accept that other people enjoy being dominant, being in control, and unleashing their darker sides -- whether they be male or female?

From my point of view, your questions are non-issues. It has nothing to do with being female, but everything to do with being Dominant. Oh sure, I gather there are some differences "on average" between being Dominant for men and women, but I think that the motivation is much the same.

So what is it to be a Female Dominant? Well, it's just like being a Male Dominant, only female. Everything after that comes down to the individual desires and drives of the person.

 

[Scarlett_t2]

Femdoms all over lit are bracing for another flame fest, I can feel it. But, I just want real info from the real people who are Femdoms in Real Life.

Maybe (probably) I have a total misconception of what it is to be a Female Dominant. I have little to no experience with them. (I'm not submissive, so I likely never will first hand)

All I know of the term femdom is what I've seen on the internet, seen or heard in chatrooms or message boards.

Here is what I think of when I think of a Female Dominant.

Ok I'm going to give this a shot. I am more of lurker and reader than a poster. But this got my attention so I thought I would give my opinion.


1) Brutal -- I've seen many pictures of high healed women standing (at least sort of) on genitalia belonging to submissive masochistic men.
Well I don't wear heals to often...I like to be comfortable....I do have cowgirl boots never have used them in a scene...To meet my sub you would not know for one second he was a sub. He is just your average joe with a kink.




2) Man-haters -- I'm not sure why I have this opinion. Maybe it's because of the above example, my thinking that you have to hate men to have any desire AT ALL to stand on their cock 'n balls.

I adore men....always have...did you ever think maybe they want someone to stand on the cock? Many of the things I do to my sub I do for his pleasure too. He has made suggestions to me that I thought were a bit much. We talk threw these things and if they intrest me I will incorporate them into our play. Play is just more than the act. So many feelings go into it. As for hate in any of the acts I do....NO....Trust, Love, Understanding, to bring someone such sweet bliss those are my ressons for my lifestyle.

3) Butch -- This is just from internet porn I guess. If I've ever seen a petite woman in a Femdom position I can't remember. Most are, at least tall, but from what I can remember in photos they are usually also fairly husky.

I have never been called that in my life....yes I am tall 5'9 and I am a BBW but I am all women. I have talked to many that were small gals but size has nothing to do with what is in your heart.
I wear make-up, do my hair, love sexy clothes but then again I like to hunt and I love nascar. I think you need to quit looking at internet porn...lol

4) Bitchy -- Yeah, I said it. I'm sorry. I'm sure they aren't all bitchy. Maybe it's because they constantly have to defend themselves from opinions like mine. I think it is also just how I view them in stories. Maybe it's because I'm not submissive.

Yes I have to admit, I can get quite bitchy but it is not because of my lifestyle. I was just born than way. It's not because I have to defend myself...I could give a rats ass what other people think. I don't have to wake up next to them in the morning. There are to many other important things in my life to worry about than what others think. I have to say I have met bitchier ( I hope thats a word) people than me and they had nothing to do with this lifestyle.

5) Overbearing -- Again, from pictures. This one is really hard to explain as to why I feel that way. Maybe it's the way that they assert themselves over their submissive. Maybe it's what they, and the submissive likes. Again, hard to explain, maybe you one of you will be able to decipher this

I think this comes from our confedence to know what we want, and go after it. It's as simple as that.


Again i am NOT trying to start a flame war here. I am just trying to be open and understand. I'm looking for maybe some facts of how it really is when it's not porn.

red all text color (l)xxx(/l) d

I hope I helped....you shouldn't judge anyone until you know a bit about them. I suggest you do a bit more reading of some of the Dommes that post. Shadowsdream is drop dead gorgeous and is one smart lady as are many on this board and I bet if you met them on the street your head would turn, not because you thought they were a Domme, just because you thought they were beautiful women.
Just my opinion
Scarlett

 

[NCShin]

Ok, so porn is where you are getting your ideas from. I guess I could get some really fucked up ideas about heterosexuality from porn. Like 95% of heterosexual females like being covered in jism from a circle jerk. Like 56% of heterosexual females walk around sucking their own tit and looking feral. And 99.8% of heterosexual females do no kinds of activity whatsoever but lounge in lingerie, vacuum in the buff, and get screwed from behind.

You're absolutely correct. (especially the stats)

Of course things aren't IRL as they are in porn.



But you want to know about reality.

Brutal:

I'm so brutal that I sometimes blow my fiance when I have him tied down, and I even enjoy it.

I'm so ruthless that I stop when he seems like he's genuinely distressed or if he safewords. (edited to add, not safewording on being blown, obviously)

I'm so brutal that we talk about new things that he finds troublesome or cause him trepidation at length and

...I'm so TOTALLY callous that I really don't force the issue if something that he really hates comes up, I back down more often than not. Because I love my boy and frankly, our co-existence is more important to me than ownership or total obedience and it's not contingent on some very inflexible idea of what has to be done. He does his best to please me, always, and I could not be happier. He enjoys pain and he's masochistic, and when I apply pain, as I enjoy doing, it's a cocktail for something quite magical and amazing. he goes out of his way for my pleasure, often, and this is something that fulfills us both.

I am just a ballbreaking, cocksucking, ass ramming heartless bitch on wheels.

There are butch Dommes and fem Dommes just as there are butch Doms and femmy little sissypants milquetoasty Doms who keep their women (and men) totally and completely under their control.



Question here...

About Dommes who are butch. Is that for them or the sub? What I mean i guess is... Are they butch all the time? Is it a rollplay for the sub, or a rollplay to get themselves into the headspace to dominate?



I'm 5'4" not in heels. Male jackoff fantasy usually involves a Domme in heels, hence the impression that we are all tall.

submale jackoff fantasy image banks also involve Dommes doing things like ballbusting, ashing on your face, beating you with whips and doing things other than looking demure and sucking dick. Guess what, it's aimed at the submissive male, not the Dominant male. Duh. Hence the emphasis on brutality and bitchiness. Just like it's impossible for you to imagine some guy wanting his balls stepped on it's totally unthinkable for me to imagine having my any fucking thing pierced because Master wants me to, but guess what...I know other women love that shit. And it's great for them whatever makes them happy is totally great.

Do you want to know my opinion of maledoms, as a femdom?

I don't really have one. Maledoms, like femsubs, Femdoms, switches, and fans of the Simpsons, come from many walks and have unique styles.

I dislike a lot of them because they seem to need to invalidate me, I count one or two as super good friends and I don't really fixate on them as a class of people that much, probably the way you don't really fixate on guys because they are out of your sexual running.



Did you feel that this post was invalidating you? (or attempting to?)



Yeah, some male Doms are pretty cool, and that's all they are ever going to be is pretty cool

because I...don't...submit...to men. Deal.

MaleDoms are not in my own sexual running. So what am I supposed to do, fall down all over myself? Get really neurotic or just say, hi, how are you doing?

I'm dying to know how to be overbearing in a picture, I think it would get me more business...can you please explain this to me?

Look, guy, remember you PM'd me with a normal vanilla-life businessy question, I said hi and answered, and thanks?



Absolutely. Still wish I could remember who it was that posted that. Guess I'm not really all that sure how the PM and this post relate. That WAS business, this has nothing to do with that.



I'm a Femdom, I don't get called bitch very often at all. I'm in fact pretty damn conciliatory, and have often discouraged other femdoms from pitching the uneccessary hissy. But I don't like the invalidation, and you would not either.

Question about this was already asked above.

NCShin, that's a very negative attitude to take about what is essentially just a personality trait. Let's reflect it so that maybe what you say makes a little more sense.



Well, I didn't mean for it to be negative per se. I hoped to get some questions answered. I don't think just asking, "hey Dommes, explain yourself" would have gotten as good of replies as we have so far.



Are male Doms "brutal"?


Speaking on average, no, I don't think they are. Yes some are more than others. But, I do think that on average, femdoms are more brutal. The question I guess I have is, are they more brutal because they just are, or are they more brutal because the male subs want them to be, let them be, or is thier being more brutal (on average) a total misconception?



Are male Doms female haters?



No, but i'm willing to admit that I might have the opinion that the femdoms are manhaters due to other misconceptions.



Are male Doms "butch"?

Are male Doms "bitchy"?

Are male Doms "overbearing"?

For me, the answer kind of jumps out as a "yes". All of those things can be dominant traits. They've little relationship to gender. Okay, we don't often call men "bitches" (unless you hang around in gay male circles.) But the same attitude can prevail.

So is it that these traits are acceptable for males, but not for females? Can you accept that other people enjoy being dominant, being in control, and unleashing their darker sides -- whether they be male or female?

From my point of view, your questions are non-issues. It has nothing to do with being female, but everything to do with being Dominant. Oh sure, I gather there are some differences "on average" between being Dominant for men and women, but I think that the motivation is much the same.

So what is it to be a Female Dominant? Well, it's just like being a Male Dominant, only female. Everything after that comes down to the individual desires and drives of the person.

Since the issue of invalidation was brought up. Thanks for stating that my questions are non-issues. Here I thought this was a forum that I could ask questions and learn about things that I don't have exposure to.

red all text color (l)xxx(/l) d

I hope I helped....you shouldn't judge anyone until you know a bit about them. I suggest you do a bit more reading of some of the Dommes that post. Shadowsdream is drop dead gorgeous and is one smart lady as are many on this board and I bet if you met them on the street your head would turn, not because you thought they were a Domme, just because you thought they were beautiful women.
Just my opinion
Scarlett

Thanks Scarlett. Your post did help.

 

[sunfox]

The question hasn't been asked yet, "How many Dommes do you actually know/speak to regularly, from which your opinions are formed?"

My bet is few.. if not none.

Either way.. this is something of a flashback post. So I'm not going to comment further, cause we've been there, done that... and I look damned good in this T-shirt.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

If you want to discuss this without unnecessarily hijacking the thread any further, feel free to PM me.

I'm gonna discuss this here, as it doesn't happen to be 'hijacking the thread further' in my opinion, at least the aspects I intend to respond to aren't.

Yes, i think it will be nice to see some thoughtful, serious responses to those questions simply because, and as you've pointed out, there haven't been any in-depth discussions regarding Domme's in the past.

Actually, what I said was that there HAD been serious thoughtful responses. There is a whole thread, not very far down if you check. Doesn't mean it can't be all done again, of course but some of us will have less patience this time. I had less patience that time with those who were already tired of the topic from the PREVIOUs times it came up!

The topic of Domme's hasn't been covered nearly enough and i would like to see that here on the board.

Certainly possible... but wouldn't it be nice to go over some OTHER aspect for once, than whether they are all like the stereotype?

Originally posted by s'lara Any discussion regarding Domme's would be interesting and how that is akin to stereotypes of African-American's makes no sense to me. That's a reaching comparison and unfitting in this discussion. [/B]

Uh maybe because he was asking the subject of stereotypes to comment on the stereotypes? As I said in the post, what are they gonna say? Got two choices -- it's true, it's not true. Wow, fascinating.

I guess I could have picked asking gays about their stereotypes, as was answered last time (by someone else). Would that have been reaching? (Oooh, and 'unfitting in this discussion.' My, my.)

Originally posted by s'lara i said the response of the Domme's would be interesting ... not NCShin's questions -- again, another assumption. [/B]

Nope, didn't assume. You assumed I was assuming. It was quite clear to me that you were saying you thought the dommes responses would be interesting.

Uh oh, changed my mind and decided to respond to the rest here: Ok, get ready... Here comes the hijack portion of the post!

hijack/ Yup, as you said 'i think you took my post directly to heart possibly because i posted right after you.' And thanks for explaining the following: 'If i'd wanted to single your posting out in any way, i would have quoted you PS.' Thought you were being subtle. My bad.

Originally posted by s'lara i think your being offended about my statement says more about how you view your posts and not how i view them. [/B]

Now This was unworthy of you (though I've seen you use this on someone before, which is why I'm commenting on it.) Reminds me of a sort of 'I'm rubber and your glue' schoolkid response, somewhat akin to people who tell everyone who doesn't like something that it must reflect a part of Them. If I hate hypocrites it must be because -- gasp -- it's my own hypocritical nature I'm hating. This is the sort of stuff that Freud tried (which got disproved.) Now THERE's a Reach for you! Anyway, nope! Sometimes I get offended because I find something someone said, or something I think they said, offensive! (Will admit that I'm just insecure enough to go doublecheck my posts though. Like checking under my armpits -- is it Me with the funny smell?) /hijack

Now back to your regularly scheduled program ReRuns.

(edited because -- oops, messy, messy!)

 

[NCShin]

The question hasn't been asked yet, "How many Dommes do you actually know/speak to regularly, from which your opinions are formed?"

My bet is few.. if not none.

You'd win the bet. While it hasn't been asked, it has already been answered in a round-about-way.

Phoenix Stone, can't find whatever the post is that you're talking about.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

oops, accidentally edited it all out.

oh well, it just gave NCShin the the name of the last thread that covered basically the same topic. how far would you go to win?

 

[FungiUg]

Since the issue of invalidation was brought up. Thanks for stating that my questions are non-issues. Here I thought this was a forum that I could ask questions and learn about things that I don't have exposure to.

Er, I said that the questions were non-issues "from my point of view", i.e. for me. Last time I looked, a discussion involved people giving their points of view. Or did I miss something?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

can I play? please, please please??

Gonna anyway....

"Question here...

About Dommes who are butch. Is that for them or the sub? What I mean i guess is... Are they butch all the time? Is it a rollplay for the sub, or a rollplay to get themselves into the headspace to dominate?"

What do you think here, big boy? How about depends on the Domme? Just like any look You like to affect for effect?

"Well, I didn't mean for it to be negative per se. I hoped to get some questions answered. I don't think just asking, "hey Dommes, explain yourself" would have gotten as good of replies as we have so far."

These were the kind of Good responses you wanted? hmmm. You don't think it's negative to ask someone if the stereotypes about their group are true? I think I'm beginning to form a few new ones about Maledoms, based on, admittedly, only a few online Maledoms and their questions!

"Are male Doms "brutal"?


Speaking on average, no, I don't think they are. Yes some are more than others. But, I do think that on average, femdoms are more brutal."

Wow. Now why/how the heck would you think that?? Tried one? Oh, I remember, what you saw on porn. I'd figure Maldoms are because they're bigger and less likely to know their own strength.

"The question I guess I have is, are they more brutal because they just are, or are they more brutal because the male subs want them to be, let them be, or is thier being more brutal (on average) a total misconception?"

So you Assume they are, then ask a question, presuming what you think is true? Nice. You just take it as a given because you Think so? What happened to asking, and wanting knowledge? Let's get a whip-o-meter and find out, shall we?

"Are male Doms female haters?

No, but i'm willing to admit that I might have the opinion that the femdoms are manhaters due to other misconceptions."

How can you just state 'No' like it's a fact? Because you aren't? You reading all the rests minds? Will admit this has been a stereotype of mine about the Maldoms, especially from reading all that stuff about their philosophies of domination, how many think it is natural to men, the stuff I've seen some of them assume on this board about subs etc. But I wouldn't assume about any given Maldom or even the whole group based on it. Just a particular subgroup.



"Are male Doms "butch"?

Are male Doms "bitchy"?

Are male Doms "overbearing"?

For me, the answer kind of jumps out as a "yes". All of those things can be dominant traits. They've little relationship to gender. Okay, we don't often call men "bitches" (unless you hang around in gay male circles.) But the same attitude can prevail.

So is it that these traits are acceptable for males, but not for females? Can you accept that other people enjoy being dominant, being in control, and unleashing their darker sides -- whether they be male or female?

From my point of view, your questions are non-issues. It has nothing to do with being female, but everything to do with being Dominant. Oh sure, I gather there are some differences "on average" between being Dominant for men and women, but I think that the motivation is much the same.

So what is it to be a Female Dominant? Well, it's just like being a Male Dominant, only female. Everything after that comes down to the individual desires and drives of the person. "
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noticed you read this whole thing from Fungiup (thank you Fungiup) and the only thing you reacted to was his comment on your questions being non-issues. In other words, you got your dander up about the one part that invalidated your invalidation, and sat on your high-horse about that. Rather than having learned anything from his post. At least that you were willing to admit. At least that's how I see it.

Whewh!! Succeeded in avoided doing the work I was supposed to do All day, while simultaneously pissing off a whole bunch of people, so my work here is done. Good night and G-d bless, one and all (especially the heathens amongst us, just so I can po the one group I may have left out.)

 

[Limbhugger]

Here I am short on time again and finding yet another post I want to respond to! Grrr. I will make a few quick statements though.

I must have missed this topic the first time around. I'm likely going to make a few assumptions here so forgive me if I miss a few marks.

I find this post very interesting. Not because I'm curious about "femdoms" (I already got that one pretty well covered ) but because of your statements and where you're coming from.

You profess to be a dominant with a submissive. Perhaps an OL submissive by the statement but a submissive all the same. So it perplexes me that a dominant would be so confused about other dominants.

While I obviously recognize there are more than just physical differences between male and female dominats, I see their dominance as the overridding quality. Meaning a dominant is a dominant. Period. Beyond that it is nuances and subtleties and personal styles.


I mean as a professed dominant I would think it would be easy for you to relate to other dominats regardless of gender. But even taking gender into account, I wouldn't think it too difficult a task for you to consider the situations and find understanding in them.

Dominants don't have to "get into headspace to dominate" as they are just naturally given to the role of confidence and superiority. They prefer to pierce the "headspace" of the submissive and play with their mind as they are assured of exactly where their own rests.

As for physical apperance, as a submissive I have a strong sense of "body-blur." Meaning, it isn't the physical that I find alluring and attractive. Of course I do to some extent. But then my ideas of what is attractive are likely far different from yours. I can amazing sexuality in a large woman and be left flat by model types. It's all in the presentation I suppose. Seeing past the body itself. But on the subject there is an extremely attractive dominant female on the am pic forum that most don't even realize is dominant. Point being, female dominants come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc. Just like everyone else.

But what I see first is the dominance. That is what I crave and therefore what I seek. It is what I find insanely attractive about a woman. I sense it in their demeanor and their subtleties and find it highly desirable regardless of their outward appearance.

As for the actual "acts" of dominance, the same ideas could applied to any two participants of any gender. It is a meeting ground of both the dominant's desires and the submissive's needs. However those fulfillments manifest is really immaterial as it is the motivation behind them that is important.

A dominant is strong, determined, stern, etc, etc. But they are also loving, caring, concerned, and passionate. A person who beats and degrades without regard for the submissive is just a mean person.

So many thoughts I want to get out in a short time. Hope that makes some sense and isn't too much babble.

LH

 

[FungiUg]

Re: can I play? please, please please??

Noticed you read this whole thing from Fungiup (thank you Fungiup) and the only thing you reacted to was his comment on your questions being non-issues.

Oooh, I've gone "up" in the world!

By the way, great response Limbhugger. That is much what I was also trying to say -- that it is the Dominance, and not the gender, that is important.

 

[Quint]

Dominants don't have to "get into headspace to dominate" as they are just naturally given to the role of confidence and superiority. They prefer to pierce the "headspace" of the submissive and play with their mind as they are assured of exactly where their own rests.

LH

Without going into the rest of this post, I found myself disagreeing with this part in particular. Sure, being dominant means one is inclined toward dominance---that's pretty obvious. But I'm inclined toward submission and I still have to put myself in the right mental space a lot of the time. Sometimes I'm cranky, tired, what have you, and I don't feel like submitting--at which point I do have to consciously flip that switch. Why should it be any different for someone wired to dominance? They aren't gods.*



*Except for FungiUg, who is Shiva, Lord of Destruction.

 

[FungiUg]

I always wondered why I had all these extra arms...

Actually, I agree with you on that point Quint, but I also remember a discussion sometime ago about "roles", where some people pointed out that they are just simply "dominant", end of story. It's not a mind-set or anything like that for them, it's just the way they are... all the time.

Me, I'm like you (er, well... perhaps not). Being dominant is something I am, sure, but not "all the time". At the very least, I like to sleep. There are certainly other times when I can't be bothered or don't have the energy to take control. And since I'm a guy... whenever I'm sick, I turn into this big baby.

 

[Etoile]

3) Butch -- This is just from internet porn I guess. If I've ever seen a petite woman in a Femdom position I can't remember. Most are, at least tall, but from what I can remember in photos they are usually also fairly husky.

Okay, you've got me perplexed on a lot of things here. How does butchness equate to height of all things? Or weight, for that matter? (Assuming by "husky" you mean fat. Keep in mind that Hanne Blank is an ex-in-law of mine so she's desensitized me to using the word fat.)

I actually don't consider butch dominants to be Dommes, they are more Doms to me. Butchness implies masculinity to me...but I do admit that I come from a lesbian background in approach to this.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

A few posts ago, i did as NCShin requested and posted the thread that went over this same territory last time, 'what would you do to win?' Which was started less than a month ago, by Saint-Sinner. Since then, no comment from NCS. Checked that earlier thread, and guess what? He'd posted on it. He'd commented his agreement that he sees Dommes as manhaters.

Saint-Sinner stuck with it, and by the end, understood why folks were insulted by his question.

Wonder what ever happened to good ol' NCShin on that go 'round:/

Hey, Fungi, if you prefer to be Ug, no problem. We could always go with FU, if you like!
(Hmm, FungiUp. Anything like Surf's up, do you suppose? Time to go 'shroom hunting, the fungi are up? .)

 

[Mr Blonde]

NCShin, I will share one little thing that I have learned. It was from a side conversation I had with someone...just comparing notes, Domme to Dom. This might (or might not) explain some of the things you see.

There are typically 5-10 prospective female submissives for every straight male dominant. Female submissives are usually laidback or subtle if they make overtures towards a male dominant. They will try to grab attention but not go overboard. This allows the male dominant to act in the typical way.

The straight female dominants have a vastly different experience. They get 50-100 offers from male submissives. These approaches are far more aggressive and range from the ridiculous to the insulting. Dommes have to deal with a tremendous amount of topping from the bottom attitude. I dare you to go post a personal advertisement impersonating a Domme and just see the insane and idiotic responses you get...nothing a Dom would ever be forced to endure. (I saw some of the messages a Domme received.) As a coping mechanism, some are forced to develop a very explicit and outspoken style just so they can move forward. Perhaps a Domme has been treated disrespectfully by Doms in the past so now she has lost patience. They might seem over-the-top at first, but they act more relaxed once they know you (as a polite Dom) are not going to be ignorant towards them. There are still major differences, but there is more in common Dom to Domme than first appearances might suggest.

So before you overreact to certain characteristics you might perceive....step back and try to imagine what might contribute to such appearances.

(Take my information with a grain of salt. I am only replying because there are so few dominants around so I share what little I know.)