"Femdom"... for real..?

[000zing]

I'm aware that the concept exists "in reality" inasmuch as it takes the form of, in all but name, a game played between consenting adults. That's one thing... but...

... I'd be fascinated to know whether true femdom has been encountered by anyone here among people they've encountered. Perhaps it's possible to imagine a couple where the guy is not just mentally weaker, which tends to be something of a prerequisite, but also perhaps physically. I'm thinking of those two aspects really, although I'm aware that other matters like blackmail may also come into play, such that the male is forced to do the female's bidding.

Any thoughts very welcome.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Not trying to be difficult, but can you elaborate on encountered, do you mean experienced or known a couple or individual in real life or does experiences people are sharing on the internet that scans as real count? Also I think femdom can be closely related to FLR which is the term that gets used the most and there are a number of people on these forums living that reality.

I don’t agree with the premise that the person is mentally or physically weaker, it’s more related to psychology where for both parties it works because he (although it could be she in a same sex relationship) has a strong disposition to be submissive and she has the opposite. There is also a number of examples where it started with the submissive driving this scenario and the dominant fully embracing it, and in some cases it becoming maybe much deeper than the submissive initially intended. It’s a good example of be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

 

[000zing]

Met in real life. Don't believe anything "shared" in the murky world of online.

I'm not talking about matters as weak as "FLR" which is precious little more than an agreed arrangement. I'm talking real, honest-to-goodness unasked-for but successfully carried-out domination of the male by the female...

... IF such a thing really exists...

... and for which, generally speaking, both superior psychological and at least equal physical attributes would be necessary.

 

[SteelPoint]

There are certainly marriages in which the wife wears the trousers. Who knows... maybe it is mainly psychological and, probably behind closed doors, the guy gets regularly done over?

One can imagine the "headache excuse" in reverse and no truck being had with it.

 

[CuttingEdge]

Met in real life. Don't believe anything "shared" in the murky world of online.

I'm not talking about matters as weak as "FLR" which is precious little more than an agreed arrangement. I'm talking real, honest-to-goodness unasked-for but successfully carried-out domination of the male by the female...

... IF such a thing really exists...

... and for which, generally speaking, both superior psychological and at least equal physical attributes would be necessary.

Oh goodness yes, its out there.

My brother is in a marriage like that; she literally told us, "I need to isolate him from his family", and did, and he will often tell me, "I would be dead without my wife telling me what to do". It is really sad, a man married to a narcissist, who is so gaslighted that he does not know reality.

But I also know other relationships that are similar.

Its just a bad teaming of personality types that were trauma-laden, like a female-alpha with a male-beta for instance, where the female-alpha was abused in childhood or neglected. In my brother's case; his wife was the daughter of a prostitute, who never knew who her father was. She does not want him to know his family, because she is jealous she never knew hers.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Oh goodness yes, its out there.

My brother is in a marriage like that; she literally told us, "I need to isolate him from his family", and did, and he will often tell me, "I would be dead without my wife telling me what to do". It is really sad, a man married to a narcissist, who is so gaslighted that he does not know reality.

But I also know other relationships that are similar.

Its just a bad teaming of personality types that were trauma-laden, like a female-alpha with a male-beta for instance, where the female-alpha was abused in childhood or neglected. In my brother's case; his wife was the daughter of a prostitute, who never knew who her father was. She does not want him to know his family, because she is jealous she never knew hers.

Sorry to hear this about your brother, the psychological aspects are very complex and seem hard to break,

 

[CuttingEdge]

Sorry to hear this about your brother, the psychological aspects are very complex and seem hard to break,

Thanks, but yes it is sad.

Fortunately, narcissism is a learned behavior and not a hereditary one, so we can do things as a society to combat it.

They are just so prolific in society, and often hard to spot early in a relationship because they are essentially con-artists trying to find a victim to exploit. I was married to one for six years, and even now she tries to use our former marriage as a means to control me, and satisfy her needs. It gets combative at times, but youtube has given me tools so that with my Sigma Male personality, I can combat her, and nullify the affects for our daughter. It is just very scary; they don't even love their children, they just expect their children to fulfil THEIR wishes and get very upset when they form their own lives.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I had a great tabletop gaming group and my best friend invited a friend of his and the man's wife. Very nice couple. Good gamers, we had a great time. After a while, the game location changed to this guy's house, and over the next six sessions or so, she went from the sweetest wife ever to total femdom. She would insult him and belittle him, and conversation with her took a decidedly pornographic turn. She went so far as to suggest some rather unconventional repercussions for poor dice rolls. My wife tried dealing with it and being a good sport, but when the woman was about to roll her dice, she said, "If I roll a 1, you boys can run a train on me while my worthless husband watches."

When we questioned him, he was very dismissive. "Oh, that's just the way she is, she doesn't mean anything by it."
That was the last night my wife and I went. Group broke up not long after.

On the other hand, sounds like a great idea for an erotic story, doesn't it?

 

[lovecraft68]

Femdom is no different than when a man is the top and that was common knowledge back before weak men and outright incels began forcing those stories out of BDSM and attacking it in real life.

In real life, it follows the same D/S structure including the participants knowing beforehand what the limits are. Being a switch I have encountered this and enjoyed it. When you don't suffer from real man syndrome aka cold male insecurity it can be a thrill to not be the one in control.

 

[lovecraft68]

I had a great tabletop gaming group and my best friend invited a friend of his and the man's wife. Very nice couple. Good gamers, we had a great time. After a while, the game location changed to this guy's house, and over the next six sessions or so, she went from the sweetest wife ever to total femdom. She would insult him and belittle him, and conversation with her took a decidedly pornographic turn. She went so far as to suggest some rather unconventional repercussions for poor dice rolls. My wife tried dealing with it and being a good sport, but when the woman was about to roll her dice, she said, "If I roll a 1, you boys can run a train on me while my worthless husband watches."

When we questioned him, he was very dismissive. "Oh, that's just the way she is, she doesn't mean anything by it."
That was the last night my wife and I went. Group broke up not long after.

On the other hand, sounds like a great idea for an erotic story, doesn't it?

I've often held the theory that cuckold is a form of submissive and in a way, a small subset of BDSM. Like anything else in BDSM, its only being safely and properly done with consent. If the man in your example is truly fine with his wife being like that, its not up to anyone to judge him.

I bet if the husband said if I roll a one the guys can run a train on her, it would have been "that's awesome" because men still live in the mindset its okay for them to do anything to a woman, but the woman can't have the same power....and its her body.

But to your last point...not that exact set up but I've written a couple of similar short strokers where the wife just tells the guys, "let's go boys, and don't worry about my husband, he has no say." Of course, I do work it in that the husband doesn't mind because I don't write anything deliberately cruel unless there's a revenge angle. Despite some men's 'outrage' over these things, they are very popular in porn...the countless wife does the poker buddies or wife is the half time show at Superbowl parties do very well.

 

[LiverpoolMaster]

It seems to me a lot of the comments and alleged 'examples' are landing wide of the OP's mark, which itself was fairly simple:

1. Force
2. Force
3. Force...

... to achieve sexual goals.

Sex, and not psychological one-upmanship, not 'insults'... and certainly not 'knowing beforehand'.

Too much of what has been said is peppered with such caveats and conditions. He can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the OP just wanted to know, and I use his words, whether a male can be 'forced to do the female's bidding', having previously mentioned the requirement for physical strength, albeit among other things.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

It seems to me a lot of the comments and alleged 'examples' are landing wide of the OP's mark, which itself was fairly simple:

1. Force
2. Force
3. Force...

... to achieve sexual goals.

Sex, and not psychological one-upmanship, not 'insults'... and certainly not 'knowing beforehand'.

Too much of what has been said is peppered with such caveats and conditions. He can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the OP just wanted to know, and I use his words, whether a male can be 'forced to do the female's bidding', having previously mentioned the requirement for physical strength, albeit among other things.

I’m still confused by what force means in the OPs context and he uses both physical but also mental weakness, and then discusses ”true femdom” like there’s an untrue version. After all we know when it comes to force, there are many ways to carry that out without being physically stronger than somebody, if for example somebody had a weapon I would argue as would the law that that is still force.

also the “achieve sexual goals“ is your interpretation the OP didn’t mention that he said to do her bidding which for female dominants is going to probably be less about sex with her submissive and more about her controlling whether her submissive has any sex at all and what flavor.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Met in real life. Don't believe anything "shared" in the murky world of online.

I'm not talking about matters as weak as "FLR" which is precious little more than an agreed arrangement. I'm talking real, honest-to-goodness unasked-for but successfully carried-out domination of the male by the female...

... IF such a thing really exists...

... and for which, generally speaking, both superior psychological and at least equal physical attributes would be necessary.

Forgive me if I find the irony in your statement about the murky world of online while you’re simultaneously posting to an online forum where the majority of participants (me included) like to be anonymous.

I‘m not sure why you’re dismissive of FLR, isn’t everything including marriage an agreement? Having observed both I would say that it’s a continuum.

In your last sentence I’m not sure why that has to be true, as I responded to Liverpool Master, successfully over powering somebody doesn’t necessarily require greater physical strength and how do you measure that anyway?

i‘m still curious about your interest, are you researching a story or is this something you’re into.

I do think there is a more fundamental issue in getting the response you probably want, which is it’s unlikely you’ll have a female come on and say they do this. Both because they can’t be bothered and secondly it’s a little like the question when did you stop beating your wife. You’re unlikely to hear from males or females that are the submissive because they would have to ask for permission.

looks like you have some interesting responses

 

[Purple_Fronds]

I had a great tabletop gaming group and my best friend invited a friend of his and the man's wife. Very nice couple. Good gamers, we had a great time. After a while, the game location changed to this guy's house, and over the next six sessions or so, she went from the sweetest wife ever to total femdom. She would insult him and belittle him, and conversation with her took a decidedly pornographic turn. She went so far as to suggest some rather unconventional repercussions for poor dice rolls. My wife tried dealing with it and being a good sport, but when the woman was about to roll her dice, she said, "If I roll a 1, you boys can run a train on me while my worthless husband watches."

When we questioned him, he was very dismissive. "Oh, that's just the way she is, she doesn't mean anything by it."
That was the last night my wife and I went. Group broke up not long after.

On the other hand, sounds like a great idea for an erotic story, doesn't it?

You have way more interesting couple parties than my wife and I. I do think that when a woman as you describe says “you can run…” she absolutely 99.99% means it. You have to hand it to her that’s major chutzpah on her part, the husband is a given as it seems likely he’s completely submissive to her, depending on her hotness she’s not running much risk with the men they’re either laugh it off or go for it, but the fact that she’s doing this in front of your wife who seems she hadn’t got onboard with first show some serious guts after all in a way she’s looking to dominate your wife by fucking her husband in front of her.

yes it would make a good story.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Thanks, but yes it is sad.

Fortunately, narcissism is a learned behavior and not a hereditary one, so we can do things as a society to combat it.

They are just so prolific in society, and often hard to spot early in a relationship because they are essentially con-artists trying to find a victim to exploit. I was married to one for six years, and even now she tries to use our former marriage as a means to control me, and satisfy her needs. It gets combative at times, but youtube has given me tools so that with my Sigma Male personality, I can combat her, and nullify the affects for our daughter. It is just very scary; they don't even love their children, they just expect their children to fulfil THEIR wishes and get very upset when they form their own lives.

what is Sigma male I’ve not heard of it?

 

[Kumquatqueen]

'Non-consensual femdom' is usually called an abusive relationship. Plenty of literature on how those can start.

Sub/dom is consensual or it's abuse. 'True femdom' has to go one way or the other.

 

[lovecraft68]

It seems to me a lot of the comments and alleged 'examples' are landing wide of the OP's mark, which itself was fairly simple:

1. Force
2. Force
3. Force...

... to achieve sexual goals.

Sex, and not psychological one-upmanship, not 'insults'... and certainly not 'knowing beforehand'.

Too much of what has been said is peppered with such caveats and conditions. He can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the OP just wanted to know, and I use his words, whether a male can be 'forced to do the female's bidding', having previously mentioned the requirement for physical strength, albeit among other things.

Tell me you're a poser without telling me you're a poser.

 

[000zing]

i‘m still curious about your interest, are you researching a story or is this something you’re into.

There is a third possibility, of course, namely that I'd simply be interested in knowing... as stated in post #1.

 

[000zing]

I do think there is a more fundamental issue in getting the response you probably want, which is it’s unlikely you’ll have a female come on and say they do this. Both because they can’t be bothered and secondly it’s a little like the question when did you stop beating your wife. You’re unlikely to hear from males or females that are the submissive because they would have to ask for permission.

Which is why I've asked the question of the wider membership...

... and so far, quite frankly, I've yet to hear anyone claim that they actually know of a situation where this happens in reality. I can't say I'm surprised and it's no bad reflection on anyone here. It's just that it must be, I would guess, a supremely rare situation/occurrence... or possibly very well concealed. More or less what I was expecting.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

'Non-consensual femdom' is usually called an abusive relationship. Plenty of literature on how those can start.

Sub/dom is consensual or it's abuse. 'True femdom' has to go one way or the other.

I agree with you, but the hard part is telling the difference especially when the person who we see as being abused actively participates (consents) in their abuse. CuttingEdge’s example is a good one and is obviously very common with the genders reversed.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I agree with you, but the hard part is telling the difference especially when the person who we see as being abused actively participates (consents) in their abuse. CuttingEdge’s example is a good one and is obviously very common with the genders reversed.

True, but very few such relationships claim to be doing sub/dom (possibly partly because the dodgy consent would become more obvious?)

Mutual codependent or generally fucked-up relationships are common. My SIL's brother is in one. His partner is a controlling nightmare because of her anxiety and panic, which doesn't make it any better for him, but he claims 'she needs me' and he wants to be needed... The only reason I don't slap him and tell him outright he's being abused is because it won't make him see it any faster (and a bunch of friends already have). Sigh.

 

[CuttingEdge]

what is Sigma male I’ve not heard of it?

A narcist's worst nightmare because we advocate for others.

 

[CuttingEdge]

True, but very few such relationships claim to be doing sub/dom (possibly partly because the dodgy consent would become more obvious?)

Mutual codependent or generally fucked-up relationships are common. My SIL's brother is in one. His partner is a controlling nightmare because of her anxiety and panic, which doesn't make it any better for him, but he claims 'she needs me' and he wants to be needed... The only reason I don't slap him and tell him outright he's being abused is because it won't make him see it any faster (and a bunch of friends already have). Sigh.

Being guys, we talk about sex, and I know my brother says he often gets "frisky" with his wife, to the point where it bothers her, and so she tells him, "Okay, go ahead, you have twenty minutes with me, do what you want".

I am not sure if that is what you are looking for or not, but it kind of shows the insincerity of their sex, that it is just reduced down to some sort of control. That is, she knows she has to let him have some kind of sex, and so that is how she doles it out, as if she is "letting him have her"; control if there ever was such a thing. Maybe she likes sex, but refuses to admit it, and doles it out with statements like that. I am not sure.

Myself, I think this happens a lot more in real life than people think. No one knows what goes on in people's houses when the doors are closed.

All it takes is the wrong type of personalities, (alpha female with beta male) mixed with the wrong set of motivators which could be children, possessions, or lifestyle that the beta male is unwilling to give up, and abuse is allowed to reign. It only makes sense that it would spill over into their sex lives.

 

[CuttingEdge]

I've often held the theory that cuckold is a form of submissive and in a way, a small subset of BDSM. Like anything else in BDSM, its only being safely and properly done with consent.

I am in no way submissive, but I have wife-shared...

The common thread I see for cuckold's is that almost all of us has been cheated on in the past by someone we truly love. From that, we get this sense of deep betrayal, yet this understanding too, that despite commitment... often in the form of marriage vows, we cannot control the other person. So, from that, in this weird way of trying to protect ourselves from being hurt again, "we allow" her to have sex with others.

Deep down we know, we cannot stop her anyway, but at least by knowing about who she is with and when, the hard edge of betrayal is blunted.

Now for many cuckhold guys, they get off on being ridiculed and made fun of, but that is not me at all. And as I get older I get this more jaded, indifference that is more of a poly-lifestyle then cuckolding. This is, I just don't care who she sleeps with. But that is just how life works. Things only bother you if you care,

 

[SteelPoint]

Which is why I've asked the question of the wider membership...

... and so far, quite frankly, I've yet to hear anyone claim that they actually know of a situation where this happens in reality. I can't say I'm surprised and it's no bad reflection on anyone here. It's just that it must be, I would guess, a supremely rare situation/occurrence... or possibly very well concealed. More or less what I was expecting.

Yes, and for that reason it was probably predictable that people would start talking about contracted contrivances like Dom/sub rather than real, instinctive person-to-person interaction. The thread runs into the sand pretty quickly, sadly.