Female submissives who submit to a Dom/f-sub couple

[Mr Blonde]

Imagine that a straight male dominant is in a good relationship with a straight submissive woman. Well, she is actually mostly straight and mostly submissive...she would like to try to "top" another woman in a structured scene. As a change of pace, the couple decides to find a second woman for a single encounter.

Other than quick thrills, I would sincerely like to understand what the second woman gets out of this arrangement? Why would women actively seek out casual BDSM with a male/female couple as opposed to seeking a poly-relationship of their own (if that was their needs)?

Second, all of my BDSM has been with women who were my girlfriend. I do not go to public events and have not done any one-night stands that went into BDSM. Would these "casual" encounters be real action or just a little kinky? Using handcuffs or something basic like that is very different from flogging or humiliation.

If this was a vanilla situation, the best way for a threesome is to be spontaneous and let it happen without much contemplation. That does not really seem possible with BDSM. Some stuff needs planning and I am hesitant to involve myself in a situation that has not been sufficiently discussed. But on the other hand, spending lots of time preparing for a single encounter might disrupt the main relationship.

What are people's comments on such a situation?

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, this is interesting, but unfortunately have to run so will get back to it when I get home. There is also the situation of adding a male sub too of course, though female seems to be more common.

Catalina

 

[Poussin]

.....

 

[catalina_francisco]

Finally back....OK, while I was searching for the one I wanted to commit to, I made a point of exploring my tastes, preferences, limits, with people I met and felt I could trust. Most of these men were people I initially met as prospective Masters on a permanent basis, but for one reason or another were not the one for me. It was good in it's way, but also became more difficult with some who wanted it to be more. For that reason, about the same time I met F I was beginning to look at the option of playing with couples who were not interested in making it a poly or permanent relationship, but were willing to allow me to explore without long term commitment on an emotional level, while still free to find the one for me. To me it made perfect sense.

That being said, I am aware there are a lot of such situations offered where it is on the instigation of the Dominant, via his submissive, so they/he can have a second sub for sexual play, or to live out his fantasy of two women together sexually. I have found many of those arrangements, while they may offer to participate in BDSM play, it tends to become the small part of the arrangement, often tokenistic. If the submissive is fine with that, or can find like minded people willing to allow them to experiment in a safe environment, I think it is a great opportunity.

We are experimenting with options of playing with others in such an exploratory arrangement, though for us it is with male submissives/slaves at this point. So far it is working well, with the chance for them to explore their limits or just have a play outlet, while we also have the opportunity to explore our own options and learn through experiencing others. To me, for us as a couple, it extends us and allows us to evolve to another stage/level while also making some great friends along the way and sharing in their growth as well.

Catalina

 

[abbey_kyle]

Other than quick thrills, I would sincerely like to understand what the second woman gets out of this arrangement? Why would women actively seek out casual BDSM with a male/female couple as opposed to seeking a poly-relationship of their own (if that was their needs)?

This is the exact relationship I am in right now. When the three of us formed our relationship, it started with just she and I with him entering a month later (they are husband and wife, 11 years). I was submissive from day one. All of us are bi. We have been together about 9 months, at present.

She and I met as friends and realized that we had some of the same interests by way of BDSM. I entered the relationship thinking that it was going to be one of fun, nothing too serious. They knew from the beginning it was going to be more than casual and waited for me to make this same realization. It has turned into the most beautiful, caring, safe and loving relationship I have ever had.

There are things that she and I share that are special to us, very female driven, woman's space. He has been amazing at stepping aside to allow that for us. Likewise, she has offered space for he and I to share, one that has allowed me to work through issues I have had with men in my previous relationships that have made me very skittish. Together, they have created a space of security to explore the submissive side I was never really comfortable with.

This is the most serious and committed relationship I have ever had. I am not inexperienced; I am 37 and have drifted in and out of many relationships with both men and women, both vanilla and "everything else". It is only now that I am realizing I am in love for the first time in my life. My biggest obstacle is in how to "name" this relationship to friends and family. Now that we will be living together and are planning a future together, this has become an issue for me (they manage to both flow without it being a concern).

I like the space that we three have created and have no interest in having "something special" with two people, separately. I have been in these types of relationships before and have always felt that I was shorting someone of my attention. That they have a long term, committed relationship entering into this has only enhanced our space since we are all learning new things about each other, equally.

I am not sure I am answering your question, Mr Blonde. I just know that the relevance of having a whole new space that exists for the three of us together has been a crucial part on how we three hold something more sacred than anything I have ever known.

 

[Esclava]

I understand completely, Abbey!

My current online relationship shares some of the basics that your relationship does...and it is a profound experience I share with Master and Mistress - moreso than anything I have ever experienced.

There is such a freedom in being involved with a couple in a committed relationship. If you go into it with the intent to try to deal with one partner more than the other, such friction will develop between you all that everything you could think of experiencing - and even those things you had no idea were possible - will fail.

The ability to trust that they are committed to each other allows a f/sub to enter into such a relationship and grow without losing her own identity. That is why I participate with committed couples. Not only in BDSM scenes, but in "nilla" menage as well.

Esclava

 

[Mr Blonde]

Thanks for these replies. They have been informative.