Female sub versus het male Dom on line ratio?

[MissTaken]

There seem to be far more female subs on any of the personals site I have frequented.

For some of us, finding the right partner will have to start on line as there is no lifestyle activity or culture in our remote pieces of the world.

So, I have been thinking.
I have, to date, been mislead by no less than five Doms that I hvae met on line. No grave danger was involved, nor am a tattered and torn. However, it seems that once a Dom has decided to become seriously involved with me, they still frequent personals sites, or they lie to me, or otherwise take advantage.

My theory....
The ratio of fem subs to Doms is so great that for a Dom, it is too easy to slide from one sub to another.

A kid in a candy store sounds like a good analogy.

So, does this ratio and the accessibility provided by the net actually work against those of us who seek long term relationships?

How do you know when to stop searching?

Or, am I simply a lousy judge of character?

 

[Lancecastor]

Surf City

This is a bit of a rambling post.....no really big words in it though. It's meant to sound like I'm having coffeee with MissT yakking about her thread starting experience.....

Lit BDSM Forum seems to be the only male/female dynamic with the much sought after "Surf City" ratio..."2 grrls for every boy".

Vanilla personals online are almost always flipped the other way in terms of numbers....2 guys for every grrl.

Perhaps the easy answer is for sub grrls to go check out the mainstream places"Where The Boys Are" ...there are lots of intelligent, kinky men in the world who you can give a book to read on TPE if you dig them enough, you know.

I know there are loads of kinky vanilla grrls out there IRL & online who love the learning process....they think they're filming "9.5 Weeks II". And you know that can't be bad. Maybe the same goes with the boys.

As to the bigger question of "How do you know?" when the person you've met online is genuine...well, obviously it's easier to be lied to online, isn't it? That goes for everyone, by the way, not just subs.

Plus, yes, it's easier to "sneak out" for a few hours to "see" someone else (on the 'puter), isn't it?

I think it comes down to values and the things you learn by listening carefully...same as IRL.

I was lied to in the spring by an exceptionally beautiful sub woman I met online who, as it turned out, really just wanted fine dining experiences. And after the fact she was quite comfortable in telling me she hasn't bought groceries in years...she dates to eat, while saying she's looking for a long term relationship.

At the time, I wanted to strangle the bitch...or sue her. She was great to be seen with, a genuine head-turner....but wow, was she ever ugly on the inside! Now it just makes a funny story....it was only dinner after all; it didn't cost me a house! (ha!) Could have been worse. Perhaps one day she'll meet an affluent chef and eat happily ever after.

I think the risk is always there to think of the people you've dated that didn't work out as lying psycho idiots.

When maybe they're just not the right match, you know?

People jump in bed pretty quickly, you know, which is another factor. I worked at a big ISP during the internet boom in the early-mid-90's....our staff were fucking like mink, because they had unlimited broadband at their desktops and were meeting people on IRC all over the place, jumping a plane and going somewhere to get laid for a weekend. Just like that. Crazy times. I met a grrl thousands of miles away during that period and we wound up moving to a new city, living fast & intense for about a year and a half.

So, sex and relationship are two different things.

And growing a relationship out of sex as the primary nexus seems dodgy for LTR likihood. At least one must be cautious.

Those are my thoughts.

Lance

 

[WriterDom]

I checked two states at bondage and found that there were twice as many male Doms as female subs.

 

[Lancecastor]

Lit BDSM Forum is the only place online I've ever seen with this demographic anomoly.

Shhh!

 

[WriterDom]

I have, to date, been mislead by no less than five Doms that I hvae met on line. No grave danger was involved, nor am a tattered and torn. However, it seems that once a Dom has decided to become seriously involved with me, they still frequent personals sites, or they lie to me, or otherwise take advantage.

I don't think your experience has squat to do with bdsm, but rather the way many men are in general. You can drop "Doms" and substitute "men" and I think a large part of the female population could identify with you.

 

[Rubyfruit]

I think it's very risky to give your heart to somebody you've never met.

That being said, what is life without taking risks?

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Wow, If this is the case Miss Taken....

Why am I having such a difficult time finding a female sub? I need to visit the sites that you are visting. *smiles* Or I need to redo the ads I've already placed. *wink*


Care to share the sites you've visited? I could use the help. Thank You Miss T, and Congratualations.


(((HUGS)))




kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[lovetoread]

I think there are just more freaks around the net than you usually see on the street.

I dont think it has anything to do with the lifestyle,just that there are guys(and gals) that are really warped.

 

[~Dream~]

the search is over..

I cannot really believe that I should speak for my Master here so I wont attempt tohowever I feel that in my heart I can honestly say "the search is over for the both of us".
I too.Miss T have been hurt.used , and lied to by bunches of Dom-wannabees out there and they are seriously making it look bad for the "good guys" Like Artful,,for one.(Master is for REAL)..

I believe you KNOW the search is really over when you not only SEE& KNOW that everything between the two of you fits great but,also the fact that you FEEL it on the inside also..You feel like your life has somehow been "enhanced by the other person..

The ratio is probably so high cause so many of we subs are just earnestly looking to serve someone deserving of us..

 

[SexyChele]

I've never really checked out the ratio of ads out there, but I do know that in any BDSM chatroom (where both Doms and subs can post), there are always way more subs than Doms. Guess that's why I stopped doing those things.

I'm sorry that you've been mislead, Miss T. You seem like a very special woman who is capable of returning much in a relationship. I've met a couple of Doms that initiated through online connections, and a few were simply not compatible. Don't know if they were "kids in candystores" or not, as we never got farther than coffee.

I am taking my time with the couple now that I am considering. I was a relationship that is long term, and I want to know that he feels the same way. If I just wanted to play, there are literally hundreds of men out there - 'nilla or no. Some might say that I am overly cautious and take far too long to decide, but I have to know my decision based on solid footing before getting my heart involved. How long depends on the dynamics between me and the other person, but if it were to take months, I am willing to wait.

Patience is one key, I believe. Also, knowing which questions to ask and how to read between the lines is essential.

 

[Rubyfruit]

I think there are just more freaks around the net than you usually see on the street.

Oh, they're on the street too, Love, you just aren't chatting them up.

 

[MissTaken]

I think it's very risky to give your heart to somebody you've never met.

That being said, what is life without taking risks?

To clarify, I hve never given my heart to anyone on line.

I am talking about real life, skin to skin dating, meeting, weeks or weekends together.

However, when they hit the net from pc while I am sleeping looking for another sub, it is really a slap in teh face.

I wonder if men and women have a hard time knowing when to say, "This is it. There is nothing more to search for."

I do believe that attention from the opposite sex, or same sex as appropriate is so easy to garner from the internet, that many always feel like they might be missing out on something better. NO matter how good what they have is.

I did play that game for a while, when I first came on line, but now, I am ready to stop searching when I hve found the right man. Unfortunately, for all my worldliness, my views on bDSM and relationships are romantic and naive.

 

[Lancecastor]

All men are pigs.

However, when they hit the net from pc while I am sleeping looking for another sub, it is really a slap in teh face.

Lemme get this straight....He attempted two timing you from your computer while you were sleeping?

That IS a warm and tender story, isn't it?

You don't suppose he was suffering from Online SubShopping Withdrawal or something, do you?

It's been suggested once or twice that perhaps I could enhance my sensitivity skills a wee tiny bit....but this chap's a bounder, wouldn't you say?

Well, MissT, you're a fine woman, so it's his loss.

And while it's true that "all men are pigs"....there is surely a fine bristle-backed hog out there somewhere ready to set his pork-pie hat for you and start makin' bacon.


Lance "Pun-tastic" Castor

 

[MissTaken]

*chuckling*

No, Lance, your people skills are unique.

Thank you, I think.



I do like the term "Online Sub shopping."

I think that is what I was getting at when I started this thread. "Sub Shopping" or "Dom Shopping" are perhaps almost an addiction with some?

Some just don't know when to stop or when they should stop.

When would you stop searching?

 

[Lancecastor]

*chuckling*

When would you stop searching?

I think you'll both know....you know?

Onward and upward, my friend!

Cheers;

Lance

 

[moonstruck3774]

New to thisworld

I am new to this world and found this thread interesting. I guess men are men even when they are doms! that being said, I still hold out the belief that there are some good guys out there that want a relationship and fun

 

[MissTaken]

Yes, moonstruck!!!!

Great point!

WE are all men and women underneath all the regalry of the titles and lifestyle garb.


Just men.

Just women.

 

[UCE]

Hey MissTaken,

Why not create a poll on this topic? Although that might just tell us who is more likely to answer polls: female subs or male doms or other orientations (you'd have to add several more I think).

 

[MissTaken]

WE have one somewhere, let me take a peek and bump it up for all the new posters.

AS for the personal end of this thread.

I may be being too hasty.

I will try to phone him today.

Communication is key to D/s or any relationship and we have had no communication all weel.

 

[~Dream~]

Miss T..

Although you and I have never met in R/L I know in my heart you are an intelligent and beautiful woman ,just from the words you type alone and how they make me and alot of others FEEL..

I am truly sorry for your hurt and it is HIS loss,as far as people looking for others,perhaps they should look inside themselves first..

as an example just cause of my avy's alone some people wanna try to "cyber me" and I always say no but I feel it all comes down to trust,in REALITY .. I know there IS a chance Artful Could perhaps get "BORED' or just up and decide He wants a younger sub or a whole lot of diff reasons,to "go-looking".(but he wont).
I feel and I dont mean to cast judgement here at all,but perhaps that last guy was "intimidated" by your 'Strong sense of sel fyou have and i envy you for that.. people should be accepted in WHO THEY ARE in any relationship for it to really work..

I have genuine trust and REAL Love for Him as I know He has for me,I wish that for you also Miss T ,,, the happiness & Joy of finding your "soul mate".... it took me 45 years but at last the search is over.. ~

 

[MissTaken]

All in good time, Dream.

As for me, I am closing down all my personal profiles.

I realize after trial and error that the "HE" for me, isn't going to find me at an internet web site.

I am going to continue my involvement with the Ottawa munch group. RIght now, that is simply on line, but I have made contacts in real life who would be happy to introduce me to people who practice. And who knows?

Also, a friend who practices the most formal of BDSM, especially at a casual social level is making introductions for me.

She knows me well, very well.

IF the Dom of my dreams comes along, great!

IF not, I am not wasting anymore time chatting with teh same population I have been vis a vis bondage.com or alt.com.

And I am okay with this.

 

[redbomchele31]

cant find dom

cant find a dom period ive had no luck at all and to beat it all im a virgin when it comes to master/slave play ive never even tried it but want to experience it but your right men are like children in a candy store when it comes to variety they cant get enough they have to have this one or that one one is simply not enough and they wonder why women go fatal attraction on their butts LOL

 

[MissTaken]

It sure isn't easy, red bomchele.

Welcome to the forum.

If you are interested, here is a link to the BDSM personals ads.

You may find that you make a friend or two, or much more.

Best wishes.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=100358

 

[Amazing_One]

So many things to agree with!

Everyone has made some very profound comments on this thread - but I thought I would add my two cents.

I have never found a site like this in terms of how many women are online. Usually it is just heaps of guys. As for the number of submissives - it seems to me that the greater part of the population has a submissive tendency. As part of the world culture, so many of us are expected (from a very young age) to display extroverted tendencies. We are expected to be strong and outgoing and take control of situations - especially in the workplace. For some, this suits them fine. I believe others retaliate from this behaviour and in their sexual life they rebel and try to give control to others.

Enough of my philosophical beliefs though.

Lit is special - I have been on sites before and NEVER gotten into chatting to people. Maybe I am naive about this site, but I just feel that the large majority of people here are completely genuine, and that is a very special thing.

I must admit that before I came to Lit I was never genuine on line either. I am an intelligent and (I would like to believe) a really nice person. But since I never intended to meet others in R/L, I have never been genuine online. But since I come to Lit, I don't think I have ever told a lie (that includes around 100 posts now - some under a past nickname). Wow, that really is amazing.

MissT - continue your search - personals don't work that well, because I believe that people (men and women) generally don't expect to meet "the one" through personals.

Good luck with it all, you have my best wishes.

AO

 

[MissTaken]

Re: So many things to agree with!

Lit is special - I have been on sites before and NEVER gotten into chatting to people. Maybe I am naive about this site, but I just feel that the large majority of people here are completely genuine, and that is a very special thing.


MissT - continue your search - personals don't work that well, because I believe that people (men and women) generally don't expect to meet "the one" through personals.

Good luck with it all, you have my best wishes.

AO

I am glad you are finding lit a different and more favorable experience than you expected. Yes, most people are genuine and telling the truth, especially on this forum. We trust one another and are a community, of sorts. Of course, that also means that there may be some personal history adn tension from tiem to time....but the benefits far outweigh the crap!

Enjoy!

Thank you for you kind words. I believe you really hit on something. Whether or not I am trying to meet the one in a personal ad, I expect the majority of Doms don't expect that to be the case.

Great point!