Female Chinese Fire-drills

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So my life partner freaks when she see's a raccoon in the back yard. He's about the size of a small pony. So I calmly ask life partner to go get my gun. She gets my gun, and I go outside to shoot the coon. And that's where the fun began.

I tell life partner to stay inside with the dogs, cuz I don't want any of the crazy fun they'll add to the event.

So she comes outside anyway, and brings the dogs, and all of them have a Chinese fire drill. I cant shoot with a female and 3 dogs bouncing around shouting LORD A MERCY, LORD A MERCY. It was like a FAR SIDE cartoon.

The coon finally thought, FUCK THIS, and left.

 

[Aphro]

Now, if you'd shot it, would you have made yourself a Davy Crockett hat with the pelt...tail hanging down the back and all? Because I can totally envision this.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Now, if you'd shot it, would you have made yourself a Davy Crockett hat with the pelt...tail hanging down the back and all? Because I can totally envision this.

You secretly want one, doncha? Shit, this guy was big enough to fit one family if they stood close together.

 

[Recidiva]

Why the hell did she have to go get your gun for you? Did you forget where you put it? Maybe she thought you couldn't find the raccoon if she didn't find it for you.

 

[Aphro]

You secretly want one, doncha? Shit, this guy was big enough to fit one family if they stood close together.

Raccoons are whacked on the road around here all the time...believe me, if I wanted to make one, I could find the "raw" materials no problem.

But no, no... I have an image of you in my mind... a vision in buckskin, rifle in hand, and the offending critter draped jauntily over your pate like the latest creation from Kate Middleton's milliner.

 

[subdued_passion]

Raccoons are whacked on the road around here all the time...believe me, if I wanted to make one, I could find the "raw" materials no problem.

But no, no... I have an image of you in my mind... a vision in buckskin, rifle in hand, and the offending critter draped jauntily over your pate like the latest creation from Kate Middleton's milliner.

^^^

Thank you for that image.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Why the hell did she have to go get your gun for you? Did you forget where you put it? Maybe she thought you couldn't find the raccoon if she didn't find it for you.

I like obedient women is why.

But Miss Feminazi it was like this...I didn't know where she had it hid, and since she knew where it was, she seemed like the right man for that job. And I wanted to do a Vulcan mind meld with the coon. To send him dulcet thoughts and psychic hugs. And to assess him for rabies.

 

[Recidiva]

I like obedient women is why.

But Miss Feminazi it was like this...I didn't know where she had it hid, and since she knew where it was, she seemed like the right man for that job. And I wanted to do a Vulcan mind meld with the coon. To send him dulcet thoughts and psychic hugs. And to assess him for rabies.

So...she took your gun.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So...she took your gun.

No. My son cleans and oils the gun when he comes, and he gave it to his mother to put away, and she put it wherever. You know how you people are.

If females didn't come with vaginas there'd be bounties on you in every county.

 

[Aphro]

If females didn't come with vaginas there'd be bounties on you in every county.

Some come with vaginas, but for others the clitoris works better.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Some come with vaginas, but for others the clitoris works better.

Very clever wiseguy.

 

[Aphro]

Beware raccoons of the South...here lies your fate.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Beware raccoons of the South...here lies your fate.

Mmmm Its is appealing, Kinda manly.

 

[subdued_passion]

Beware raccoons of the South...here lies your fate.

This calls for photoshop. Somebody, pleeeeeeeeeeease.

 

[JohnnySavage]

Life partner.... is his name Festis?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This calls for photoshop. Somebody, pleeeeeeeeeeease.

His moustache is kinda sissy though. Real men have raccoon like faces.

 

[Ishmael]

Raccoons are whacked on the road around here all the time...believe me, if I wanted to make one, I could find the "raw" materials no problem.

But no, no... I have an image of you in my mind... a vision in buckskin, rifle in hand, and the offending critter draped jauntily over your pate like the latest creation from Kate Middleton's milliner.

Why did the chicken cross the road?












To prove to the raccoon that it could be done.

Ishmael

 

[Liar]

So my life partner freaks when she see's a raccoon in the back yard. He's about the size of a small pony. So I calmly ask life partner to go get my gun. She gets my gun, and I go outside to shoot the coon. And that's where the fun began.

I tell life partner to stay inside with the dogs, cuz I don't want any of the crazy fun they'll add to the event.

So she comes outside anyway, and brings the dogs, and all of them have a Chinese fire drill. I cant shoot with a female and 3 dogs bouncing around shouting LORD A MERCY, LORD A MERCY. It was like a FAR SIDE cartoon.

The coon finally thought, FUCK THIS, and left.

Pity. Gotta be at least a couple o stew's worth on a pony sized coon.

Also, your dogs can talk. You might wanna Youtube that and make some bank.

 

[Ulaven_Demorte]

Wait...
Your son cleans your gun.
Your wife puts it where you don't know where it is.

It sounds like they're conspiring to make sure you handle it as little as possible, and then only with permission.

*whip crack*

 

[Recidiva]

Wait...
Your son cleans your gun.
Your wife puts it where you don't know where it is.

It sounds like they're conspiring to make sure you handle it as little as possible, and then only with permission.

*whip crack*

Frozone Syndrome

https://encrypted-tbn0.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSJ9qBK1yKf7r84e2EemO4c1_6x2RDNl9EeuKHlx3bfAzahDgjy2A

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Raccoons are whacked on the road around here all the time...believe me, if I wanted to make one, I could find the "raw" materials no problem.

But no, no... I have an image of you in my mind... a vision in buckskin, rifle in hand, and the offending critter draped jauntily over your pate like the latest creation from Kate Middleton's milliner.

You described Prince Achilles Murat. Murat was the son of Caroline Bonaparte and Marshal Murat, Napoleons cavalry commander. He moved from France to Louisiana to Tallahassee. He married a woman who was George Washingtons grand-daughter.

Anyway, Murat was infamous for what you suggest...hunting animals and wearing or eating them. Anything. But he could never make a vulture edible.

There's a testament that Murats uncle, Napoleon III, came to Tallahassee on one occasion, to fish and hunt with Murat. A French woman made the claim. But there's no other evidence of it.

Murat was also a duelist, and was 2nd in a gunfight my ancestor fought in 1836 at Tallahassee.

http://www.napoleon-series.org/research/biographies/c_princemurat.html

 

[Ishmael]

You described Prince Achilles Murat. Murat was the son of Caroline Bonaparte and Marshal Murat, Napoleons cavalry commander. He moved from France to Louisiana to Tallahassee. He married a woman who was George Washingtons grand-daughter.

Anyway, Murat was infamous for what you suggest...hunting animals and wearing or eating them. Anything. But he could never make a vulture edible.

There's a testament that Murats uncle, Napoleon III, came to Tallahassee on one occasion, to fish and hunt with Murat. A French woman made the claim. But there's no other evidence of it.

Murat was also a duelist, and was 2nd in a gunfight my ancestor fought in 1836 at Tallahassee.

http://www.napoleon-series.org/research/biographies/c_princemurat.html

LMAO Many years ago my little brother shot a vulture while hunting in Big Cypress, mistaking it for a turkey. We made him clean it.............down wind........................way down wind. He never made that mistake again.

Ishmael

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

LMAO Many years ago my little brother shot a vulture while hunting in Big Cypress, mistaking it for a turkey. We made him clean it.............down wind........................way down wind. He never made that mistake again.

Ishmael

Murat said the vulture was impossible to cook.

 

[Ishmael]

Murat said the vulture was impossible to cook.

Didn't even try. We made him leave it where he cleaned it. And wouldn't let him in until he showered and washed his clothes. The stench is unbelievable.

Ishmael

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Didn't even try. We made him leave it where he cleaned it. And wouldn't let him in until he showered and washed his clothes. The stench is unbelievable.

Ishmael

Murat had a reputation for stubbornness but the vulture defeated him.