Feel weird afterwards :(

[wooger]

Okay so I am currently being trained by this guy to be a total cockwhore.

He has taken away all my male underwear and makes me wear slutty panties everyday and also has taken away all porn with girls in it.

He also can phone me at anytime and I have to go suck his cock

Dont get me wrong, I love being treated like this, it makes me so fucking horny but the problem is, after I cum (i usually cum when he cums on my face or in my mouth, without even touching myself) I feel dirty and yeah

how do i overcome this??

 

[Stella_Omega]

believe it or not, what you are doing is pretty extreme. -- you're doing humiliation play. You are giving up a lot of your power to this guy in this fashion.

This is okay once in a while for many of us, but BDSM folk don't do it all the time without a lot of trust, talk, negotiation. When you say "He took away your male underwear" did you guys talk about any of this? Probably not, huh.

Your body might be enjoying it, but your brain thinks something is wrong, and you need to listen to your instincts. You don't have to be a submissive to get what you want.

You might want to suck a lot of cock but you might not actually want, need, or deserve the humiliation every single time. There other ways to share those insane orgasms. Really.

Please take this to the BDSM forum.

Also, see if you can find any leather men's groups in your area. You might be real happy you did!

 

[lustatopia]

I don't know about this being real BDSM, Stella. Doesn't sound like B or SM part is involved. And as for the D part, haven't we all played top and bottom roles without calling it extreme or BDSM?

Wooger sounds like he's having a ball. Forced to suck cock via a phone call?? No doubt he's letting himself be dominated, but why?

The clue is that he's at least somewhat new to gay sex. This is revealed by his problem he seeks advice on. He feels dirty after he has gay sex.

I'm not so old that I can't remember the after sex shame I felt when I first began to have sex with guys.

I can describe it perfectly. First, you're horny and you try to direct your desires towards the heterosexually approved object of desire, ie the female form. But that nagging queer desire for cock just can't be satiate by a woman, so you begin to explore avenues for homosexual release. First just in masturbation. But every time you satiate your homosexual fantasies through gay sex or masturbation you must return to your real world where your fantasies are unspeakably disgusting, vile abomination against the natural order. God, do you feel the shame, even though no one knows but you. You feel dirty and as you devolve back into the dominate het mindset at school or work, you can hardly even think about your gay fantasy life without deep shame. You vow never to try gay sex again. But then you get horny again and the cycle repeats.

Wooger seems not too far past those early days of struggling with his gay (or bisexual?) orientation.

That's why this thread is primarily about dealing with emergent gayness and has little to do with BDSM.

As for the reason he enjoys dominance, it's related to his feelings of "dirty" shame after having gay sex. Because wooger (like us all) was programmed by society to think of gay sex as unnatural, he is "given permission" to engage in gay sex by being "forced" to do so.

Of course, the way to get past that dirty feeling after gay sex is to come out to everyone. The fewer people you hide your true sexuality from, the less dirty you will feel. Once everyone knows then the shame will go away entirely since there is no longer anything to feel shameful about. So will the need to be dominated.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Umm... I like your little thesis, 'topia, but am not a big fan of your conclusion there.

No body needs to come out to everybody unless it's safe.

And yes, this scene definitely falls well within the realms of BDSM.

 

[lustatopia]

Umm... I like your little thesis, 'topia, but am not a big fan of your conclusion there.

No body needs to come out to everybody unless it's safe.

And yes, this scene definitely falls well within the realms of BDSM.

Good point. Don't walk into a Klan rally and announce you're queer. Seriously, use your common sense. If you are with people who will become dangerous if they find out your sexual orientation leave as soon as possible.

For most of us, our family and our friends are likely to be far less offended by our sexual orientation than we imagine. After all, we've spent years piling up the expectations of our loved ones in the closet with us, so the burden seems immense, yet it's often far more negotiable then we imagine.... When I told my mum. She said, "I know." God knows how, but she knew.

My friends had varying responses, some faded away, some stayed on, but socially I gained so much much more: Friends that liked me for who I really was. And that's worth more than anything. I became a whole person. I became a real person with nothing to hide.

No one violently rejected me. (Of course, I never did notify my pals at that Hell's Angel bar I use to frequent....

My experience was fortunate but not uncommon. Situations and strategies vary, but the end result is always a new wholeness of being. Irrational fear itself is your worse enemy.

 

[sandm321]

Do you really like being treated like that? for roleplay sometimes it might be good but being treated like that on a consistent basis must be such a mental torture.

 

[wooger]

thank you for the advice and insight into this situation...

I agree with alot of what lustatopia says!

but also with regards to my orientation, I only have no clue. Like I can do the deed with a girl, but a vagina just looks a bit weird to me, whereas a cock makes me harder than I have ever been able to get with a girl....

 

[CandiCame]

thank you for the advice and insight into this situation...

I agree with alot of what lustatopia says!

but also with regards to my orientation, I only have no clue. Like I can do the deed with a girl, but a vagina just looks a bit weird to me, whereas a cock makes me harder than I have ever been able to get with a girl....

This is actually how I feel- I really like chicks, I have been in love with women, but I REALLY love cock. I'd actually like to be in your situation.

Maybe not the undies thing. I don't really have the underwear fetish- I like my boxers.

And... I think that you're supposed to feel dirty- that kinda the point; for me anyway. I LIKE that feeling- I feel it with women as often as with men, and when it starts to fade I start getting bored. That little bit of uncomfortableness that makes for the most intense orgasm- it's like a mind manipulation kind of thing.

edit: Have you had anal yet?

I do think that, at least where I'm at, you get it more with guys because it's so much scarier for people to find out. Everyone's so closed minded that the stakes seem higher when you're with a man.

 

[wooger]

edit: Have you had anal yet?

Not yet... I am kinda scared to be honest...but at the same time the idea of being bent over and spanked and fucked REALLY hard is a major turn on for me

 

[Spacefender]

Where the fuck were you guys when I was a teen-ager?

Oh yeah, probably in diapers and shit.

I always have the worst timing.

 

[fingermagic]

To me, it sounds like the feeling dirty (possibly ashamed) is simply part of the recovery phase. Clearly the whole scene excites you very much. It sounds like a pretty thrilling time indeed. The dirty guilt feeling goes away after awhile. You just need that time to recover. Then, you are ready for more. Seems pretty normal to me. Recovery after sex that is, just performed a bit differently.

 

[ashlee91]

I do think that, at least where I'm at, you get it more with guys because it's so much scarier for people to find out. Everyone's so closed minded that the stakes seem higher when you're with a man.

As a girl who's recently opening up to the idea of bisexuality, i feel thats not true. I'd be horrified if my family, friends, or anyone I didn't straight out tell found out. I can see where you're idea might be coming from as for some reason there's a common perception that girls just get drunk and make out with each other, but in reality I've been in college for two years and have maybe seen something like that once or twice. Society may be a little more understanding of bisexual girls and lesbians but that still dosn't mean everyone's parents, friends, etc. will be completely ok with the idea.

 

[girlsmiley]

As a girl who's recently opening up to the idea of bisexuality, i feel thats not true. I'd be horrified if my family, friends, or anyone I didn't straight out tell found out. I can see where you're idea might be coming from as for some reason there's a common perception that girls just get drunk and make out with each other, but in reality I've been in college for two years and have maybe seen something like that once or twice. Society may be a little more understanding of bisexual girls and lesbians but that still dosn't mean everyone's parents, friends, etc. will be completely ok with the idea.

You're absolutely right, Ashlee.
Coming out is not easy for some of us.

Candicame, would you just stop with the tedious "it's harder for a man" comments?

For fucks sake.

 

[CandiCame]

As a girl who's recently opening up to the idea of bisexuality, i feel thats not true. I'd be horrified if my family, friends, or anyone I didn't straight out tell found out. I can see where you're idea might be coming from as for some reason there's a common perception that girls just get drunk and make out with each other, but in reality I've been in college for two years and have maybe seen something like that once or twice. Society may be a little more understanding of bisexual girls and lesbians but that still dosn't mean everyone's parents, friends, etc. will be completely ok with the idea.

I meant for me, personally, it's harder to be with a man because that's gay.
If you're a chick, it'd be harder for you to be with a woman- because that's gay.

edit (this one line): That's why I wrote, "It's harder when you're with a man," and not, "It's harder when you are a man".

Strait sex doesn't have as much of a taboo, and therefore doesn't give me that feeling for as long. Plus, the chicks I've been with want me to top, which really doesn't do anything for me- because I crave that, I guess you would call it humiliation factor- I don't want to be Suzan Suranden-ed to death (could someone please tell me how to spell her name?)

I didn't mean, "It's harder to be a gay guy" I meant, "It's harder to be gay then strait in a heteronormitive society".

Now that you bring it up, though- it does seem like society is, for some reason, more acceptable of lesbians- but only hot lesbians- and only if they follow some preconceived heteronormitive, masculine, bullshittery standards like the ones you described. I've even seen shirts that say, "I support gay marriage- if both chicks are hot," but I also own a shirt that says, "Will yaoi for fangirls" so that might make me a raging hypocrite.