ChimaeraDreams
Victorious in Defeat
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2004
- Posts
- 1,155
Mid-life crisis? I don't know, but certain events over the past few
months have forced me to take a good long look at my life and I'm not happy with who and what I've become. The confident, composed person that everyone else sees is a carefully constructed facade built by thirty-seven years of supressing my natural inclinations and conforming to societal ideals. I've been the obedient daughter, the over-achieving student, the loyal friend, the ambitious hard-working employee, the loving and supportive wife. I was honest, generous, dedicated and unselfish. Childhood is over, school is over, the need for a career is over and my marriage is over. Now, for the first time in my life I don't have a role to play and I find myself conflicted between what I really want to do/say/be and what was acceptable or
proper in the past.
So, after much soul searching, I've come up with my personal Bill of Rights:
1. I have the right to be imperfect. I don't have to be eat up with guilt for every little mistake.
2. I have the right to express my emotions. From now on, when I'm hurt or angry, its okay to rage or cry. Showing emotions does not make me weak.
3. I have the right to need and accept comfort from others. I don't have to be the rock all the time for everyone else.
4. I have the right to say "I don't know" without feeling like I'm
stupid.
5. I have the right to be "uncool". I can pursue my hobbies, watch what I please and listen to music I like because I want because I enjoy it...not because it is fashionable.
6. I have the right to be disliked. I don't have to analyze and
censure every word or keep my mouth shut in fear that someone won't like me. Not everyone is going to be my friend and that is okay.
7. I have the right to be unashamed of my sexuality. Its been a long time since I was a blushing virgin and I'm allowed to be an adult. I can be "unladylike" in the terms I use. I can tell my partner what pleases me instead of just expecting him to know. I don't have to put up with selfish lovers.
8. I have the right to do something "just because" without feeling the need to analyze the underlying reasons I want to do it.
9. I have the right to say "So what, screw you, bite me, go to hell, kiss my ass and/or shut the fuck up" to anyone brave enough or foolish enough to try to chastise me for reclaiming control of my life.
I wrote this all down tonight for ME. I feel better now about myself than I have in years. I had no plans to announce this declaration to the world, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to shout it from the rooftops just because I want to and it feels good.
If anyone gets the urge to add a feel good declaration for themselves, I say "great, go for it, more power to you."
months have forced me to take a good long look at my life and I'm not happy with who and what I've become. The confident, composed person that everyone else sees is a carefully constructed facade built by thirty-seven years of supressing my natural inclinations and conforming to societal ideals. I've been the obedient daughter, the over-achieving student, the loyal friend, the ambitious hard-working employee, the loving and supportive wife. I was honest, generous, dedicated and unselfish. Childhood is over, school is over, the need for a career is over and my marriage is over. Now, for the first time in my life I don't have a role to play and I find myself conflicted between what I really want to do/say/be and what was acceptable or
proper in the past.
So, after much soul searching, I've come up with my personal Bill of Rights:
1. I have the right to be imperfect. I don't have to be eat up with guilt for every little mistake.
2. I have the right to express my emotions. From now on, when I'm hurt or angry, its okay to rage or cry. Showing emotions does not make me weak.
3. I have the right to need and accept comfort from others. I don't have to be the rock all the time for everyone else.
4. I have the right to say "I don't know" without feeling like I'm
stupid.
5. I have the right to be "uncool". I can pursue my hobbies, watch what I please and listen to music I like because I want because I enjoy it...not because it is fashionable.
6. I have the right to be disliked. I don't have to analyze and
censure every word or keep my mouth shut in fear that someone won't like me. Not everyone is going to be my friend and that is okay.
7. I have the right to be unashamed of my sexuality. Its been a long time since I was a blushing virgin and I'm allowed to be an adult. I can be "unladylike" in the terms I use. I can tell my partner what pleases me instead of just expecting him to know. I don't have to put up with selfish lovers.
8. I have the right to do something "just because" without feeling the need to analyze the underlying reasons I want to do it.
9. I have the right to say "So what, screw you, bite me, go to hell, kiss my ass and/or shut the fuck up" to anyone brave enough or foolish enough to try to chastise me for reclaiming control of my life.
I wrote this all down tonight for ME. I feel better now about myself than I have in years. I had no plans to announce this declaration to the world, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to shout it from the rooftops just because I want to and it feels good.
If anyone gets the urge to add a feel good declaration for themselves, I say "great, go for it, more power to you."
