Feedback!

[Bizkit_Writer]

Hey Y'all please read my story! Steamy stormy night with Fred Durst! it's good! and give me feedback! good bad anything I'll take

 

[Axeltheswede]

Increasing feedback

I suggest you check out the note from Laurel at the top of this BB. Put in a link to your story. You will increase your chances of getting feedback.

I read your story. As a piece of fan fiction, it serves well enough.

Running a two character dialogue in a single paragraph is distracting. Observing the conventions of written dialogue is a courtesy to your readers.

It would be to your benefit to check out some of the elements of short story writing. Keep writing and see if you can improve with each effort. Good luck.

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

thanks and i did axel

im trying to put on the link now axel and i did read the note from Laurel, my new story is up! PLEASE send feedback Y'all!

 

[Guest]

Durst30: Hi, you can't sleep either?

Bizkit_Writer: Yeah, there's a storm raging outside my window, keeping me up

Durst30: same here, hey I'm from Jacksonville but staying in Westminster for awhile where you at?

Bizkit_Writer: Westminster Colorado

Durst30: no way me too! Where?

Bizkit_Writer: off of 92nd Ave Cascade Village

Durst30: no way me too! I'm in 13205

Bizkit_Writer: No kidding! I'm in 13208

Durst30: Shit! Hey you want to come over for a drink or something?

Bizkit_Writer: Ok, I'd like that

Durst30: Great! Come on over whenever

Bizkit_Writer: Ok, but I hope you don't mind me being in my pajamas

Durst30: Not at all I'm in mine too

Bizkit_Writer: Ok then I'm logging off and coming

Durst30: I'm logging off too see you in a bit

Bizkit_Writer: Yep!

I'm torn between mildly amused and slightly worried, but since you are in Lala land...

With each new dialogue, you should start a new paragraph, as Ray would say.

An interesting piece.

Edited to ask
Who's Fred Durst?

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

chilled Vodka

Fred Durst is a guy who lead sings for the band Limp Bizkit, and the dialog is suppose to be via instant message on AOL

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by Bizkit_Writer
Fred Durst is a guy who lead sings for the band Limp Bizkit, and the dialog is suppose to be via instant message on AOL

Sorry if my orignal post was unclear to you. By dialogue, I meant the conversation between Diane and Fred at Fred's house at 13205.

I did understand the part I quoted in my first post was a chat room conversation. I quated it because I was wondering if people give away their addresses to the strangers on the Net.

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

Re: Post

Oh ok totally understandable, ok blond moment! Anyway I know you dont really give addresses over the internet but this is fiction right? and in the story it was ok to do so.

 

[Guest]

Perfectly.