dannychellette
Virgin
- Joined
- May 6, 2011
- Posts
- 21
I would greatly appreciate scornful feedback on the three Moses and Curio stories I put on here. The positives I get tend to be generalized and mundane. The scornful ones tend to be more laser-focused and direct.
I have alot more of those stories and I am trying very hard to get all 15 completed so I can begin shopping them around. The three I posted on here are more sexually tinged than some of the others, though sex is sprinkled in the others in various stages and scenarios- not all of them a positive- and given the nature of this site I thought those three would be best received. Below is a synopsis of the stories as a whole. They center on a couple from the time they meet until the time they part and are set in the South from roughly 1990-95. Hope you like them and if you don't, hit me with both barrels.
TY
-Daniel
Synopsis
Moses Holliday is a button man who solves problems for his best and only friend, the Cajun mobster, Bertrand “Grizzly” Fontenot. He is a hard yet jocular man, reared in the west Texas desert, an ex-Marine Vietnam veteran and an occasional convict. The uniqueness of his job description has worn away with time; it is merely what he does when the phone rings him into action. He does so laconically and with a shrug.
After garroting a man who has stolen from the boss, he decides to spend a day drinking in New Orleans, since he has been cooped up in a jail cell for a six-month stretch. He meets a stunning young runaway named Lemarie Leblanc and against his normal character, feels oddly compelled to reach out to her.
After a long day and night staggering the festive streets, the pair hit it off unexpectedly. She has no family to speak of, never known a father, mother killed in front of her at age eleven. She has been living by her wits and body on the streets of the Big Easy, her existence flying in the face of that city’s jovial nickname.
Circumstance sends them fleeing the city together in haste, leaving all her possessions and life as Lemarie Leblanc behind. Moses takes her under his wing and confesses what he does to pay the bills. She does not shy away and in fact, falls for him.
He sets her up as Curio Phelonie, coddles her, loves her passionately. Eventually, he still has jobs to do and leaves, often for a week at a time, to take care of a problem for Grizzly. Stewing alone at his secluded home on Flechette Bayou in the Louisiana swamp, the impetuous teenager, worried sick about losing him if a hit goes bad, finally lays down an ultimatum: I want in or I’m leaving.
Despite ample reasons not to do so, Moses trains her to kill. He does so in secrecy, since mob bosses, even his good friend Grizzly Fontenot, are not keen on their best hitmen having hot teenaged girls literally riding shotgun on business trips that could get them all the death penalty. Grizzly finds out unexpectedly about Curio and does not take the news well, but defers to Moses' judgment due to their history together. After a while, however, he grows fond of her and occasionally utilizes her femininity when particular problems need a woman’s touch. Grizzly’s threshold for signing a death warrant on a wayward soul is increasing razor-thin, as events in the mobster business unravel. The pair finds themselves working more and more.
Curio begins to find herself sexually aroused at work, feeling omnipotent and fearless as she works with Moses. Whereas Moses yawns at the prospect of going to work, Curio embraces the feeling of power, since she has never had any to speak of. Behind the trigger of a dead Nazi officer's personal sidearm and with Moses covering her six, she feels untouchable.
That is not to say they do not occasionally take their own lumps. Moses always manages to pull them through the harder jobs, though.
Eventually Grizzly begins to feel the heat of prosecution, age, and his past catching up to him. He begins to make plans to get out of the life and urges Moses to take Curio and get away from it all.
Moses has barely had time to ponder a life less ordinary for him and his lover when he hears of the brutal kidnapping and rape of his ex-wife, the mother of his son back home in west Texas, by extended family members of a local Mexican drug cartel’s honcho. He has never told Curio of her existence and has had no contact with them in over ten years. He chivalrously, (in his Texan brand of the word), goes back to his hometown of Odessa, Texas to avenge the deed, Curio stubbornly insisting to come along. He causes a great deal of mayhem and dynamites a Mexican restaurant in Odessa, packed with cartel members and their women, killing many, and later kills the two rapists and the cartel honcho in a spectacular ambush. This puts the Feds on his trail and, by association, Grizzly’s. Though the boss had nothing to do with the attack, he tries to shield his friend Moses as best he can while trying to extricate them all from the life he fears will lead them all into a dead end.
The cartel is enraged by the attack and sends their best hit man, a sadistic pedophile nicknamed, Hermano Duermo, “Brother Sleep” in Spanish, to track Moses down. Despite Grizzly’s brutal attempts to shield all of the gang from both the cartel and the Fed’s hunts, to buy them time to exit the life, Duermo does find them, aided by a Fed with a personal motive to sell Moses out. With the inside information Duermo intends to trap the couple and avenge the honcho's death. Knowing something is coming, Moses and Curio lock and load and wait.
A climactic battle in a secluded patch of central Louisiana wilderness ensues.
It does not end happily. Most bad love does not…
I have alot more of those stories and I am trying very hard to get all 15 completed so I can begin shopping them around. The three I posted on here are more sexually tinged than some of the others, though sex is sprinkled in the others in various stages and scenarios- not all of them a positive- and given the nature of this site I thought those three would be best received. Below is a synopsis of the stories as a whole. They center on a couple from the time they meet until the time they part and are set in the South from roughly 1990-95. Hope you like them and if you don't, hit me with both barrels.
TY
-Daniel
Synopsis
Moses Holliday is a button man who solves problems for his best and only friend, the Cajun mobster, Bertrand “Grizzly” Fontenot. He is a hard yet jocular man, reared in the west Texas desert, an ex-Marine Vietnam veteran and an occasional convict. The uniqueness of his job description has worn away with time; it is merely what he does when the phone rings him into action. He does so laconically and with a shrug.
After garroting a man who has stolen from the boss, he decides to spend a day drinking in New Orleans, since he has been cooped up in a jail cell for a six-month stretch. He meets a stunning young runaway named Lemarie Leblanc and against his normal character, feels oddly compelled to reach out to her.
After a long day and night staggering the festive streets, the pair hit it off unexpectedly. She has no family to speak of, never known a father, mother killed in front of her at age eleven. She has been living by her wits and body on the streets of the Big Easy, her existence flying in the face of that city’s jovial nickname.
Circumstance sends them fleeing the city together in haste, leaving all her possessions and life as Lemarie Leblanc behind. Moses takes her under his wing and confesses what he does to pay the bills. She does not shy away and in fact, falls for him.
He sets her up as Curio Phelonie, coddles her, loves her passionately. Eventually, he still has jobs to do and leaves, often for a week at a time, to take care of a problem for Grizzly. Stewing alone at his secluded home on Flechette Bayou in the Louisiana swamp, the impetuous teenager, worried sick about losing him if a hit goes bad, finally lays down an ultimatum: I want in or I’m leaving.
Despite ample reasons not to do so, Moses trains her to kill. He does so in secrecy, since mob bosses, even his good friend Grizzly Fontenot, are not keen on their best hitmen having hot teenaged girls literally riding shotgun on business trips that could get them all the death penalty. Grizzly finds out unexpectedly about Curio and does not take the news well, but defers to Moses' judgment due to their history together. After a while, however, he grows fond of her and occasionally utilizes her femininity when particular problems need a woman’s touch. Grizzly’s threshold for signing a death warrant on a wayward soul is increasing razor-thin, as events in the mobster business unravel. The pair finds themselves working more and more.
Curio begins to find herself sexually aroused at work, feeling omnipotent and fearless as she works with Moses. Whereas Moses yawns at the prospect of going to work, Curio embraces the feeling of power, since she has never had any to speak of. Behind the trigger of a dead Nazi officer's personal sidearm and with Moses covering her six, she feels untouchable.
That is not to say they do not occasionally take their own lumps. Moses always manages to pull them through the harder jobs, though.
Eventually Grizzly begins to feel the heat of prosecution, age, and his past catching up to him. He begins to make plans to get out of the life and urges Moses to take Curio and get away from it all.
Moses has barely had time to ponder a life less ordinary for him and his lover when he hears of the brutal kidnapping and rape of his ex-wife, the mother of his son back home in west Texas, by extended family members of a local Mexican drug cartel’s honcho. He has never told Curio of her existence and has had no contact with them in over ten years. He chivalrously, (in his Texan brand of the word), goes back to his hometown of Odessa, Texas to avenge the deed, Curio stubbornly insisting to come along. He causes a great deal of mayhem and dynamites a Mexican restaurant in Odessa, packed with cartel members and their women, killing many, and later kills the two rapists and the cartel honcho in a spectacular ambush. This puts the Feds on his trail and, by association, Grizzly’s. Though the boss had nothing to do with the attack, he tries to shield his friend Moses as best he can while trying to extricate them all from the life he fears will lead them all into a dead end.
The cartel is enraged by the attack and sends their best hit man, a sadistic pedophile nicknamed, Hermano Duermo, “Brother Sleep” in Spanish, to track Moses down. Despite Grizzly’s brutal attempts to shield all of the gang from both the cartel and the Fed’s hunts, to buy them time to exit the life, Duermo does find them, aided by a Fed with a personal motive to sell Moses out. With the inside information Duermo intends to trap the couple and avenge the honcho's death. Knowing something is coming, Moses and Curio lock and load and wait.
A climactic battle in a secluded patch of central Louisiana wilderness ensues.
It does not end happily. Most bad love does not…
