Feedback

[Debbie]

I wrote a story in Non Conensual called Absolute Terror

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=19840


I got this anonymous feedback and was so thrilled!!! What a compliment! I wanted to say thank you to this person. You made my day!!!

"Thank you very much for you story Absolute Terror. Not only was it highly
erotic, but the characters were fleshed out enough to make the motivations and
the action much more believeable than the vast majority of such stories, and the
writing was very good. I appreciated the artistry of this story, as well as its
sensuality. I hope you write many more!"

I have never tried this category before and was so nervous about it. SO to all those people who emailed me anonmously or not THank you thank you thank you

 

[Nudemodel]

I have to begin by saying that the idea of rape turns me off. Still, the story was well done. The long paragraphs made reading, for me at least, a little difficult. Some of them seemed to long enough for as many as four paragraphs. But other readers might not feel this way. I do things different. You could look at my most recent one, "After Bar 69: True Story"

http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...ry.php?id=20662

It's actually a sequel to "Bar 69: True Story"

http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...ry.php?id=20661

It's just my style. I like shorter paragraphs.

 

[Nudemodel]

I tried a shortcut to put in those two URLs for my stories. Somehow they would not retrieve. So here thay are, again.
"After Bar 69: True Story"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=20662

The first in the series was "Bar 69: True Story"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=20661

Nudemodel

 

[Debbie]

Thanks for the feedback Nudemodel!!!
The idea of rape isn't thrilling to me either
It was a request from an Audiosite Story so i tried my hand at this category
I take note on the long paragraphs!


Off to read your stuff







when one is troubled
silence is not peace
but words unspoken

 

[Weird Harold]

I take note on the long paragraphs!

Debbie, check out the editors forum. Back in the old threads, there are two or three discussions on how paragraph breaks affect readability in online publishing, and other thoughts about paragraphs.

 

[Debbie]

Thank you Weird Harold will do!!!

 

[Barbara]

Lots of encouragement

Debbie, my darling.
An exciting new talent takes time to develop. I wrote my first novel and was reluctant to even show it to others, fearing scorn and rejection. We all go through various stages of lacking the self belief to ask. As I have been there recently, may I take the opportunity to encourage your endeavours.
Presentation will never improve to the level required for traditional publishing without lots of practice and repeatedly subjecting yourself to the voting public on this site.
You WILL succeed!! It's all in the mind, in so many ways.
JUST REMEMBER:
EVERY BENEFIT TO MANKIND ORIGINATED IN SOMEONE'S FANTASY WORLD AT SOME POINT IN TIME.

 

[Chrysalis65]

Hi Debbie!
I'm Chrysalis. I took the time to read a few of your stories today and I wanted to commend you on your style. I enjoy your vivid characters which is high praise from me indeed, since strong charaterization is one of the things I constantly harp about.

I do agree with the suggestion to shorten your paragraphs though. It'll hold the attention of your reader more and the eyes won't be so tempted to start skipping down to the next chapter too soon.

Good writing though. I look foreward to reading more!
I have one story listed under "romance" called "Pranks and Promises"

Chrys.

 

[Guest]

Character Development

Hey Debbie!

You did do a great job on the characters of your story. That is one of the few things that people have also emailed me regarding some that I have written. I think (though it takes time) to develope the characters, it makes for a far more enjoyable read and allows the reader to be able to bond with some of the people in our stories alot easier.

I also commend you on a great job, but as I was also told (and as I can see you have now been as well)....shorten up the paragraphs for sure...it tends to bog down the story and causes the reader to lose interest, or have to reread what was just said, which also detracts from the "jist" of what your trying to accomplish.

To sleep.........perchance to dream - William Shakespear

 

[Debbie]

Thank everybody for the fantastic feedback! It all helps so much as sometimes I get bogged down in a story and come here to get cheered up by your positive feedback!!!
And lol them paragraphs are getting shorter Practise makes perfect


P.S

"I love it when you are always right
It just proves I COULD be wrong"

By Debbiexxx

 

[Guest]

Yeah I read your story Absolute Terror and it blew my mind. The way you described your characters was so realistic, he was so believably sick. And she was so hot!
Your kidnapper with his sick mind reminded me of Hannibal
I gave your story a 5 and clamour for me, no damn it I beg for more!

 

[Debbie]

Thanks unregistered!
Absolute Terror chapter 2 will be submitted in the next day or so! And ch 3 is nearly finished!
Did you check out my whole bio?
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=15324
Debbiexxx

 

[Guest]

Non-consent

Hey all...I finally got posted a story along these vains called

"Captive Till Dawn"....I'd really appreciate some feedback from this group on the story to hear what you thought of my treatment of it.


Thanks!

 

[Guest]

By the way....

Here's the link to my story.........

I'd appreciate any "thoughts" on it by those of you who've read it.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=21349

To Sleep...........perchance to dream - William Shakespear

 

[Debbie]

Thesandman4u, you have mail!

 

[SierraMyst]

Really good, I commend you. One suggestion, though. Your sentences tend to sound a bit monotonous. Shortening paragraphs would help, but I noticed something else that made me wince:
"Nina suddenly became aware how quiet the streets were tonight. It was a dark night with very little moonlight showing through the clouds. Nina hoped Ned would hurry. She was feeling a little apprehensive and vulnerable standing there alone. She stood as close to the doors as she could. Nina could see her reflection in the window as she nervously waited. She laughed as she could see the outline her cold nipples poking out from the material of her sheer black dress. Nina was not one for admiring herself or being vain but she knew that she was pretty and that men found her fascinating. She was petite at 4 foot 11, thin with long slender legs, small but well rounded pert breasts. She tossed her head to see her long hair flow over her shoulders and down her back. It was her pride and glory. Her beautiful blond hair that she spent hours , shampooing, conditioning, brushing and taking good care of it."
Now, I saw this throughout the story, but it wasn't always as bad as here. The sentences in the above paragraph start with the words "Nina, It, Nina, She, She, Nina, She, Nina, She, She, It, Her." It got a tad boring. Like I said, you did this throughout the story, but for the most part it wasn't as noticeable -- I was just struck while reading this particular paragraph. All in all, good job.

 

[Debbie]

Thank you SierraMyst for your feedback! I agree wwith you on the Nina, she repeating itself too much... I continue on the long journey to making my work better!
Thanks for the positive feedback too.