feedback

[Sabina_Tolchovsky]

looking for some creative feed back on
"Need" posted on 2-10-05. Sabina....



"Words of love and words leisure
words are poison darts of pleasure"
F.Ferdinand

 

[Hotcappucino]

You can find the story at this link.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It’s a beautiful story, intense and very well-written. I especially enjoyed the erotic atmosphere and the tension you maintain throughout, It turned a we-meet-again story into something special.

I was also impressed with your use of sensual imagery. It gave the story an especially lush and physical feel. Very nice use of language too. You know how to write.

I look forward to more.

---dr.M.

 

[weed]

Creatively speaking, I thought the story was very good. You have a descriptive way with words and the reunion you told of touched my heart. The poet in you comes through in your prose.

Since I was reading the writing critically I'll mention a couple of things that can sometimes distract a reader from the meat of a story...

Let me feel what it is I would only feel with him, briefly we had a passionate affair when I was younger.

I think this would read better as two sentences myself. There are a couple of other sentences like this.

I freelance write and photograph for a few European publications,

I think this would read better as "I am a freelance writer and photographer for..."


Well, I pretty much just wanted to read the story by the time she was exploring the warehouse and didn't want to pay attention to those nit-picky things, if that tells you anything.

I will say this stuck out at me a bit:

"Tell me, tell me what you want" he says "Look at me and tell me." he urges

The only other thing I'd mention is the improper usage of ellipses...something I am quite fond of myself...in informal writing...however, I know it bugs the hell out some people.

Overall, well written, and creatively, beautiful.