Feedback

[TheStoryTeller]

I would be very appreciative of any feedback good or bad for my story The Hunting Game. This is my first story adn I would like to know how well (or bad) it was received.

Thank you.

 

[Whispersecret]

It helps if you provide a direct link to your story.

 

[E.NonnyMuse]

Review of "The Hunting Game"

I finally found it under non-consenting and read it a second time. I thought the business at the end was a little confusing and this plotline has been done a zillion times, but it was well written; though I read it quickly, I only found one error: an "it's" that should have been an "its". Hope this is encouraging. Would have responded privately, but no email was linked.

 

[KillerMuffin]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=3553

Actually, I came across several errors. I am sure Ms. Secret could back it up as well. Primarily:

"Jesus." The cowboy moaned. Should be: "Jesus." the cowboy moaned.

No. No. You're not allowed to fight. Now be still," he growled. Should be: Now be still."

There was no way she was going to get loose; the knots were just too strong. Should be: There was no way she was going to get loose, the knots were just too strong.

Her two captors sat in a chair on either side of her. Should be: Her two captors sat in chairs on either side of her.

Their wicked grins showing how pleased they were with the situation. Should be: Their wicked grins showed how pleased they were with the situation.

Just a few examples.

The end was too abrupt. There was no foreshadowing at all. You have to tell the reader what you're going to tell the reader before you tell the reader. Make sense? You don't have to do it during the story, but you do have to do it before they start talking family history, otherwise the ending turns off the reader. The fact that they knew her name just confused the hell out of me rather than gave me the thought that they knew her.

The story itself was good, despite the fact that it was another take on an old storyline didn't bother me because it held my interest.

This is, BTW, my humble opinion.

 

[JHolley67]

[B

Her two captors sat in a chair on either side of her. Should be: Her two captors sat in chairs on either side of her.
[/B]

Okay, Killer, you were dead on with all of this, but let's be fair. Her two captors may very well have WANTED to share that chair.

But that is not my humble opinion. hee hee


Jason

 

[KillerMuffin]

Her two captors sat in a chair on either side of her. Should be: Her two captors sat in chairs on either side of her.

Okay, Killer, you were dead on with all of this, but let's be fair. Her two captors may very well have WANTED to share that chair.

But that is not my humble opinion. hee hee


Jason

LOL, now why didn't I think of that?

 

[Whispersecret]

<dons her teacher's hat>

Due to time constraints and the fact that if I start to read for comment, it'll take me four hours, I haven't read the story. However, I wanted to clear up some mistakes on KM's post. (I need to spank you, Muffgirl! Shame on you! <winks>)

"Jesus." The cowboy moaned. Should be: "Jesus." the cowboy moaned.
Should actually be: "Jesus," the cowboy moaned.

Unless the cowboy says "Jesus," and then moans separately. I'm assuming he's moaning the word.


There was no way she was going to get loose; the knots were just too strong. Should be: There was no way she was going to get loose, the knots were just too strong.

Actually, it was correct the first time. The second way is a run-on. Heh heh.

 

[Whispersecret]

I just realized that I said something that could be misconstrued. When I said that it would take me four hours to critique the story, it was not that it was SO rife with errors that it would take me that long. No. It takes me that long no matter how well-written. I just wanted to make that clear.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Of course, how stupid of me. The semicolon is replacing the word because. Oh well.