Feedback wanted re: erotic humor

[imaginethis]

Hi all,
New story just up:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=309034

Title: Can This Marriage Be Saved?

I got two really good comments on my satirical take on BDSM and sexual roles (thanks for those!), and am wondering if there's a "market" for erotic humor/comedy? I have one story pending, and another in the pipeline, all humor. For some reason, I seem to be on a humor kick at the moment, although it's not the most widely read.

So, just wanted to get your opinions on the above story, and your general feelings about this type of erotic writing. Is it worth doing, other than for my own self-amusement? LOL

Thanks!

 

[MarshAlien]

"Of course you should keep doing it!"

he screams, knowing that his own piddling little authorial career rests on the acceptance of humor. In addition to the "Humor and Satire" category that you posted in, I think people are happy to read humor elsewhere as well. I have a number of stories (parts of two larger stories) posted in "Mature" that I like to think of as humorous, and that have been well received, both as "Mature" stories and as humor.

All in all, in fact, I thought yours was a very, shall we say, modest proposal. And very well done. I would imagine that "Humor and Satire" and "Fetish," which include 3/4 of your stories, don't get as many views as stories in some of the other categories. But once you develop a following, they'll follow you into all sorts of categories.

Besides, anything that you take the time to write, particularly if you take the time to really do it well, is worth doing. If it just amuses me, is that enough?

Of course, as for amusement, I have to say I was disappointed that "you" reconciled at the end. You sound like you would have been a real fun date after the separation.

Marsh

 

[imaginethis]

hey Marsh, thanks for the encouraging words and the advice. And yes, if even one person is laughing, that's good enough for me Hopefully, it's more than one. Yes, bondage can save a marriage LOL
After writing it, I thought of lots more funny scenarios that could have been included (isn't that just the way?), so maybe there will be a Part 2.
Yes, there was a reconciliation at the end (ahhhhhhhh, sorry), but perhaps their problems aren't over yet. He's gonna backslide. He's FAR from cured of his need for "romantic" sex. That's for sure. Soooooooo, you just never know about the future of that pair!
LOL

Like I said, I have a couple more humor things in the works, so I might as well get it all out of my system, right I'll be sure to read yours too....thanks again...

 

[GolfGirl2448]

LOL that was really funny, I was laughing most of the way through. I really love Jim's mom's reaction, as the only "normal" person in the story. I've never really read any erotic humor like that before, but I thought it was really good. I definetely see the potential for a sequel, even with that ending--maybe the "nice girl from work" comes back into the picture. Honestly I can see the story going in a lot of different directions, but I'm anxious to see what happens next

 

[christabelll]

Now that I have dragged my eyebrows back to the front of my head...
This was truly funny. A few minor glitches in grammar but nothing that detracted from the overall story.
In places it sounded dead serious and others so slapstick-y that I giggled all through it.
Its a really good turn about on this particular "scene".
Not something I would recommend to my "straight flying" friends but I would recommend to those who fly below the horizon as it were...
Good Work.
I look forward to seeing more.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Thumbs up from the crumudgen of humor. Nice work twisting reality. Just wish we could see more of this kind of story in the Humor Cat.

 

[Nasha]

Hi there.

Your concept--the reversal of the usual idea of someone going outside their marriage to explore more dangerous sex--is great, and you voice the story well. It reads just like a chapter out of one of those self-help improve your relationship books. (I'll ask myself how I even know that, later, on my own time. ).

I was amused as I read. For me, personally, it never quite hit the humor bulls-eye, though. I wish I had a constructive, concrete reason to offer, but I'm not sure why that is. I think part of the problem may be that, with the exception of the Thanksgiving dinner scene, I never feel like I'm seeing the interactions up close and personal--the deterioration of the relationship is related somewhat distantly by the narrator. It might have worked better to have a fully fleshed-out scene or two where she's expecting to be tied up and fucked like in the good old days, and let us feel her dawning disappointment as he tries to make gentle love.

Just my opinion, of course--others seem to have cracked up at the story, just as it is.

Nasha

 

[jomar]

I like Nasha's idea of a fully fleshed out scene, but it was a fun, light read. God job!

 

[writelove]

I enjoyed the story. Lately I've been thinking about what it takes to write an erotic humorous story. Yours has been one of the few that I have read, need to check out others.

You definitely put a twist on what is normal and what is not, kind of depends on perspective.

Writing a genuinely humorous tale is actually quite difficult. I am not sure how to do it. Good job.

 

[imaginethis]

Thanks so much for all the feedback! I appreciate the time you took to read the story and give me your opinions. Nasha, your comment that you would have liked some more fleshed out scenes is interesting. Indeed, I could have expanded a bit in some areas. The fun thing about this particular "story" is that the comedic possibilities were endless, and that's always nice for a writer. You're only limited by your own imagination.

I'd like to get further feedback on one issue, and that is, when I write a story like this, (satire), I intentionally don't dwell much on plot development, characters, etc. In my mind, this isn't quite the same as a typical story. It's more like an extended joke. Therefore, for people who are used to seeing plots, well developed characters and storyline, they might not understand what I'm doing. For me, the characters are more like stick figures to advance the joke, period. For instance, I don't care what color their eyes are, or what they wear, or where they live. My feeling is, if I develop them that much, it takes away from the running joke. In this instance, the role reversal bit. I want the reader to concentrate on the joke, the "gag" as it were, and not the typical story elements. Does that make sense to anyone? Or am I wrong in doing that? In my opinion, this story is more like a one-liner in a comedy club, vs. a comedy movie where all the characters are developed. I'd really like your opinion on this idea, because I'm afraid at times people may be thinking, well, why aren't these characters more developed in her humor "stories"?

I agree, we need more entries in the humor category because there's a lot of potential there. Writers can often make social commentary with a few laughs that would turn people off otherwise. I don't find it particularly difficult to write this type of material. In fact, for me, it's quite easy, because I view life in a funny way I guess the prerequisite is a truly warped sense of humor Without that, you indeed would have difficulty writing such scenes. Apart from that, you must have a good EAR for dialogue, and be able to capture the feel of whatever you're poking fun at. (such as the cliched "why can't we communicate?" idea of marriage manuals.) You must be a shrewd observer of society to successfully write or perform comedy material. I don't think that can be taught. That's why so few people do it. You can't just sit down and invent a plot and use standard tools. The funny concept has to spring from the writer, and if it isn't there, it can't exist. This is a really fascinating topic, erotic humor.
I look forward to hearing more of your opinions/ideas. Thanks again for all your remarks!

 

[Nasha]

...Nasha, your comment that you would have liked some more fleshed out scenes is interesting....

I'd like to get further feedback on one issue, and that is, when I write a story like this, (satire), I intentionally don't dwell much on plot development, characters, etc. In my mind, this isn't quite the same as a typical story. It's more like an extended joke. Therefore, for people who are used to seeing plots, well developed characters and storyline, they might not understand what I'm doing. For me, the characters are more like stick figures to advance the joke, period. For instance, I don't care what color their eyes are, or what they wear, or where they live. My feeling is, if I develop them that much, it takes away from the running joke. In this instance, the role reversal bit. I want the reader to concentrate on the joke, the "gag" as it were, and not the typical story elements. Does that make sense to anyone? Or am I wrong in doing that? In my opinion, this story is more like a one-liner in a comedy club, vs. a comedy movie where all the characters are developed. I'd really like your opinion on this idea, because I'm afraid at times people may be thinking, well, why aren't these characters more developed in her humor "stories"?

I get what you're saying, and I think the piece can work well without being turned into a proper story with a full cast of fleshed-out characters.

But structurally, it felt a tad like going around the same block over and over:

One night out of the clear blue, he refused to handcuff me to the wall...
The next night he refused, just outright refused, to tie me up...
He'd promised me just last month that we'd try out some new restraints, but he never bought them...
A small, thoughtful thing like being handcuffed or tied up and he couldn't even take a few minutes out of his busy evening to do that one thing for ME?...

I think the joke would deliver a stronger punch-line if there was more of a build-up from less to more extreme. If you were to go from her being upset at being called "honey," to being disgusted by the romantic card, to hoping for a spanking and being disappointed by the caress, on to not getting tied up, then on to no anal rape, your joke gathers momentum as your reader gradually understands the wife's frustration.

Again, just my humble opinion. I couldn't write a humor piece to end a war, so you have my admiration.

-Nasha

 

[MarshAlien]

Thanks so much for all the feedback! I appreciate the time you took to read the story and give me your opinions. Nasha, your comment that you would have liked some more fleshed out scenes is interesting. Indeed, I could have expanded a bit in some areas. The fun thing about this particular "story" is that the comedic possibilities were endless, and that's always nice for a writer. You're only limited by your own imagination.

I'd like to get further feedback on one issue, and that is, when I write a story like this, (satire), I intentionally don't dwell much on plot development, characters, etc. In my mind, this isn't quite the same as a typical story. It's more like an extended joke. Therefore, for people who are used to seeing plots, well developed characters and storyline, they might not understand what I'm doing. For me, the characters are more like stick figures to advance the joke, period. For instance, I don't care what color their eyes are, or what they wear, or where they live. My feeling is, if I develop them that much, it takes away from the running joke. In this instance, the role reversal bit. I want the reader to concentrate on the joke, the "gag" as it were, and not the typical story elements. Does that make sense to anyone? Or am I wrong in doing that? In my opinion, this story is more like a one-liner in a comedy club, vs. a comedy movie where all the characters are developed. I'd really like your opinion on this idea, because I'm afraid at times people may be thinking, well, why aren't these characters more developed in her humor "stories"?

I agree, we need more entries in the humor category because there's a lot of potential there. Writers can often make social commentary with a few laughs that would turn people off otherwise. I don't find it particularly difficult to write this type of material. In fact, for me, it's quite easy, because I view life in a funny way I guess the prerequisite is a truly warped sense of humor Without that, you indeed would have difficulty writing such scenes. Apart from that, you must have a good EAR for dialogue, and be able to capture the feel of whatever you're poking fun at. (such as the cliched "why can't we communicate?" idea of marriage manuals.) You must be a shrewd observer of society to successfully write or perform comedy material. I don't think that can be taught. That's why so few people do it. You can't just sit down and invent a plot and use standard tools. The funny concept has to spring from the writer, and if it isn't there, it can't exist. This is a really fascinating topic, erotic humor.
I look forward to hearing more of your opinions/ideas. Thanks again for all your remarks!

Why, he thinks to himself, should he start a whole new thread to plug his own pathetic work when he can just revive this one? It's perfect! Thanks, i.t. My first entry in the Humor and Satire Category is Who Snite and the Seven Whores Pt. 01. I like to think of it as a satiric look at contemporary American society as well as an allegorical treatment of the clash of a technologically superior culture with one that perhaps enjoys a more developed collective conscience. Others who've read it like to think of it as a piece of crap. No matter! I did get to use some really wicked puns. Let me know what you think.

As far as your comment, i.t., I think it depends on the length of the piece. You can certainly get away with some short little one-joke sketches in Humor, like a lot of Woody Allen's early essays. But if you want to tell a funny story, I still think you need one of them thar' plot things and some o' those characters that people really care about. Or at least care enough about to continue reading after the first sketch peters out. Or the first peter sketches . . . no, no, no, we're being serious here. Sorry. I'm going now.