Feedback wanted for voyeur/Sapphic story

[Flashlight7.5]

I wrote this story based on a conversation my wife heard between two local Amish girls. I've been told I screwed up the Dutch phrase at the end a bit, so any help with that would be appreciated, as well as any other general comments.

Thanks.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=280848

 

[Athena_e19]

As a big fan of voyeur fiction, I loved it. I think one of the difficulties in writing voyeuristic erotica is capturing the intensity of the scenes without overstepping your bounds as the voyeur and your utilization of the lightning flashes to frame them like pictures, worked perfectly.

Would love to see some more development of this storyline. If anything, it was too quickly over.

 

[Toa_lin]

As a big fan of voyeur fiction, I loved it. I think one of the difficulties in writing voyeuristic erotica is capturing the intensity of the scenes without overstepping your bounds as the voyeur and your utilization of the lightning flashes to frame them like pictures, worked perfectly.

Would love to see some more development of this storyline. If anything, it was too quickly over.

I'm in total agreement with Athena on this one, excellent work. And all i have to say besides for that; is I also beleive you should continue the story-line.

 

[ungenderless]

Not sure specifically what kind of criticism you're looking for (other than the phrase, which I can't help you with), but I really enjoyed it. I left a public comment. The setting of a storm & under a tree made it more interesting than the usual 'sex on the bed' scenario. And I loved the ending.

 

[MagicFingers]

Nice story

Kinda like the forbidden lust of incest, the story of a group of seemingly prudish Amish girls makes a great premise. Good imagery too.
And the ending is perfect. Leaves room for a follow-up...

I usually have trouble reading first person stories, you know, I, I, I, I, but it was easy to overcome in this story.

Great to discover a "New" prolific old timer. You make me feel like a newbie!
Keep it up.