Feedback wanted for group sex tale

[Flashlight7.5]

I'd appreciate any feedback anyone would like to give on my latest story, "And Then the Maid Walked In."

The premise is based on a true event, but I'll leave the readers to guess how much truly happened once the premise was established.

This is the first story I've written in a long time without any dialogue in it. Dialogue is my strong suit, so I challenged myself by deciding to eliminate all dialogue from the story since the main character has limited English skills.

Thanks in advance.

flash

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=243220

 

[Sissy Adele Howells]

Very sexy

Hi,
I really enjoyed your story. I was so excited, that I wished i could have joined in with them. It only goes to show that dialogue was not essential in this story, as your vivid description was enough to make anyone feel aroused. Cant wait for your next story.
Sissy Adele

 

[kbate]

Last two sentences of Paragraph 2 - just "ennnh" - I would rewrite those.

this one:

She knew Lupita would come along any moment to say hell as she leap-frogged to the next room.

is Lupita supposed to say hell, give her hell, or say hello?

Anyway, Very good story, minor mistakes, but these are the only ones that stopped me in the read.

 

[Flashlight7.5]

The missing O

Ha! It's supposed to be "hello." Thanks for catching that. It's easy to miss little things in a manuscript you've read several times. My wife didn't catch it either.