Feedback & Suggestions for Celebrity Liaison

[johndoe2007]

Feedback & Suggestions on my First Stories

I've started a new series called Celebrity Liaison and I want feedback. #1, 2 and 3 are out, while #4 are pending and #5 is almost finished. I'm happy with them.

The links to the stories are on my profile page at this link.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=823166&page=submissions

Also if anyone wants to recommend a celebrity for the next story than I'm more than happy to listen.

 

[johndoe2007]

Just an update. I'm having Keira Knightley in the #6. Should be done in maybe 1-2 weeks. Anyway 5 is now pending.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Don't get cross with me here, but I think you're writing for yourself more than readers.

I've absolutely no problem with celeb fantasies but it is often hard for an outsider to understand the point.

If you want to include us, make us feel more involved.

 

[johndoe2007]

Example? It being narrated by someone, how do you want me to include the reader?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Example? It being narrated by someone, how do you want me to include the reader?

Let me explain what I mean using your Natalie Portman story (which has some dreadfully long paragraphs, by the way).

What is there in the whole story that says 'Yup, this is definitely Natalie Portman, not Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or Barbara Bush'? As you write the story you see Natalie Portman in your mind but there are no hooks - references to films, friends, press or filming schedules - to fix the character in our minds.

To write well in the Celeb category, you not only need a good erotic fantasy, you also have to make us 'recognize' the celeb in the context we relate to. Just you (anyone) screwing fim stars needs more of a plot to work.

Because of that, my fantasy about a threesome with Al Gore and Dick Cheney will have to remain on the drawing board.

Hope this helps

Elle

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Actually, Elfin is right. You use Portman as a NAME not a character. The way you've written her, she could be anyone. There is nothing that sets her apart as the individual person, Natalie Portman.

What you should have done was insert pieces of her real life into the story. For instance a simple line like:

I met Natalie as she was leaving the set of Closer for lunch.

Wow! Suddenly she IS Natalie Portman. It couldn't be anyone else.

The story wasn't bad, but it just doesn't seem to make it as a Celeb story.

 

[johndoe2007]

Keeping in mind the story is part of a series. I'm not exactly going to pretend the readers a complete moron by going back to that fact again and again and again.

The story would suck real bad if every time I have the name Natalie I keep writing, "you know, the actress from star wars" or some crap like that.

Anyway, I do see what you mean by the paragraphs. What did you think of the other chapters?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

You're missing the point. You have written a story using Natalie Portman's name but you haven't researched her to find her personality, accomplishments, awards, films she's been in, talk shows she's been on, who was her last boyfriend and so on. That is WHO she is, not some name you have assigned to some faceless character you have imagined. That is what Cleb Fan Fic is all about.

 

[johndoe2007]

I understand what you're saying but this story was just meant as a filler story for the series. I do admit that it is the weakest series I've written so far but it was more something for the people who read the series from the start. Because I noticed that my main character never actually got it on with Natalie Portman, it's just been mentioned, this is despite her being my 2nd main character.

If you look at the other stories in the series, I have actually developed the celebrities. Plus I think its better to make the celeb more like average people, not some spoilt star who is always compared to their roles and acomplishments. But I do see where your coming from.

Lets just leave that chapter for a moment. What did you think of the other stories in the series?

 

[ravensfx]

Hello

I've started a new series called Celebrity Liaison and I want feedback. #1, 2 and 3 are out, while #4 are pending and #5 is almost finished. I'm happy with them.

The links to the stories are on my profile page at this link.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=823166&page=submissions

Also if anyone wants to recommend a celebrity for the next story than I'm more than happy to listen.

Don't write about Teri Hatcher. She's now suing people for that. Doesn't mean I wouldn't like to sleep with the Desperate Housewife though.

 

[johndoe2007]

I'm not a big fan of Teri Hatcher or any of the Desperate Housewives.

Oh, and thanks to everyone thats voted on chapter 1. It now has a red "H" icon next to it.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Aw, come on, Bree - with that hair, pale skin and incredible sangfroid. I'm so jealous of her. Does she lose her cool when she's, you know, coupling?

That'd be a good celebs fantasy.

Seriously, I think there is a difference between character and actor when it comes to celebs stories. I can imagine a story about Teri Hatcher as Lois Lane or in DH, but, because I know nothing about her in RL, you might as well write a mature story about a tall, skinny 40-something.

 

[ravensfx]

Honestly

Aw, come on, Bree - with that hair, pale skin and incredible sangfroid. I'm so jealous of her. Does she lose her cool when she's, you know, coupling?

That'd be a good celebs fantasy.

Seriously, I think there is a difference between character and actor when it comes to celebs stories. I can imagine a story about Teri Hatcher as Lois Lane or in DH, but, because I know nothing about her in RL, you might as well write a mature story about a tall, skinny 40-something.

I really don't like Celeb stories. You really don't have to work at creating a character nor character development (as much). It is an easy way out for Erotic writing. Morally, I'm opposed to it since these people do have private lives. Real fiction writers won't use a person's name in a story without their consent. To each his own, but I think morally it is wrong to do it. And, since some are suing, I wouldn't do it for that reason either. You might want to note Teri Hatcher was molested as a young teen as she came out about it to convict the sicko after he raped someone else. I think that is the primal reason she's suing over stories about her.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I really don't like Celeb stories. You really don't have to work at creating a character nor character development (as much). It is an easy way out for Erotic writing.

You read my post in the AH thread on this a couple months ago, didn't you? Man, did I get flamed.

 

[ravensfx]

Hi

You read my post in the AH thread on this a couple months ago, didn't you? Man, did I get flamed.

No, didn't read it, but real writers do hold that ideal.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

You read my post in the AH thread on this a couple months ago, didn't you? Man, did I get flamed.

No, never did. But I would like to. Can you give a link and I'll go check out the stuff.