Feedback requested.

[Pen_Dragon]

The second chapter of my story has posted. Siege of Graesol is a fantasy story set in a small town that is under attack by a barbarian horde. I'm be interested in whatever feedback can be given, especially regarding the story, characters, scene length, etc. I'm looking to improve as the series progresses.

Thank you in advance!

Siege of Graesol ch. 02

 

[drksideofthemoon]

The second chapter of my story has posted. Siege of Graesol is a fantasy story set in a small town that is under attack by a barbarian horde. I'm be interested in whatever feedback can be given, especially regarding the story, characters, scene length, etc. I'm looking to improve as the series progresses.

Thank you in advance!

Siege of Graesol ch. 02

I didn't find the story particularily interesting, nor did I find the characters interesting. The pace of the story seemed forced, it didn't seem to have a natural flow to it. There's nothing that makes want to know what happens next.

I also didn't find the story erotic, but then I'm not into humiliation, non-consent etc.

It's my guess that a lot of beginning writers think fantasy is the easiest genre to write in as they can create their own worlds. And after digesting book after book by Brooks, Donaldson, Goodkind, and even Tolkein, they feel they are up to the challenge. I think it's probably the most difficult genre to write as the author must make the reader believe the world they have created is real.

Your writing wasn't bad, it wasn't very interesting. I think you've bitten off a bit more than you can chew.

My advice? Try writing some shorter pieces and get a feel for what you are trying to do.

 

[_Lynn_]

I didn't find the story particularily interesting, nor did I find the characters interesting. The pace of the story seemed forced, it didn't seem to have a natural flow to it. There's nothing that makes want to know what happens next.

I also didn't find the story erotic, but then I'm not into humiliation, non-consent etc.

Your writing wasn't bad, it wasn't very interesting.

Just read the story. I struggled from the beginning getting into it, but like drk, I am not into humiliation.

You used descriptive words, but nothing that gave it any feeling.

It lacked interest in My opinion, and again as drk said, nothing made Me want to know what happens next.

 

[Pen_Dragon]

I didn't find the story particularily interesting, nor did I find the characters interesting. The pace of the story seemed forced, it didn't seem to have a natural flow to it. There's nothing that makes want to know what happens next.

Well, I guess that explains the lack of comments and anon feedback, both in this story and the previous!

Your writing wasn't bad, it wasn't very interesting. I think you've bitten off a bit more than you can chew.

My advice? Try writing some shorter pieces and get a feel for what you are trying to do.

Thanks for the advice! I've already started this one, so I have to see it through to the end. If I want the next entries to be better I need to find out how to make the flow of the story more natural, and the characters more interesting.

You said the pacing seemed forced. When I re-read it, I can see that a lot of the scenes are fairly short. Is this what you meant?

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Well, I guess that explains the lack of comments and anon feedback, both in this story and the previous!

Thanks for the advice! I've already started this one, so I have to see it through to the end. If I want the next entries to be better I need to find out how to make the flow of the story more natural, and the characters more interesting.

You said the pacing seemed forced. When I re-read it, I can see that a lot of the scenes are fairly short. Is this what you meant?

I would put the series on hold for a bit. You may be better served in just trying to write some shorter pieces and see what works and doesn't work. I think that's how you're going to discover how to make a series better.

Read whatever books you find interesting, but read them from the perspective of a writer. Try to find what works for you in their writing, and then try to incorportate bits of it into your own.