feedback request

[jeleane]

Ok so some of you guys gave great feedback to me for my last 5 stories. Punctuation and grammar were big complaints as well as description here and there. I took everyones advice and wrote another story. An erotic coupling called Can I Take Your Picture? I am not able to put up a link right now, but if you are able to find it before I put the link up please feel free to comment, provide feedback and vote. Thanks all!

 

[jeleane]

Here the story!!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=452947

 

[Ginger_Girl]

I liked it! very hot. Can't wait for part 2... perhaps more photography involved? mmmm

two notes: last paragraph, I think you meant to say Unintelligible, "Andrew moaned something UNintelligible as he shoved himself down Vanessa's throat." And when she is describing his body you say "lean, strong and strong."

 

[jeleane]

OMG! Thank you soooo much i was so worried about spelling it right that i used the wrong word. I hope thats not the reason people seem to be giving me a low score lol.

 

[jeleane]

i hope someone else provides some feedback on my story

 

[HoneyFortune]

edited