Feedback request: The Pleasure Giver Chronicles, Ch. 5 by SomaSlave (BDSM, F/m)

[SomaSlave]

I've been disappointed by the lack of response to the episodes in my two latest series with overt BDSM elements. BDSM is my first love and was the subject of my first Literotica submission (24 Hours). Recently, I've been giving thought to a series of stories based on my early explorations and search for the DOMD (Domme of My Dreams). I found a very special Mistress, who taught me much. Before I begin this series, I'd like to find out what I'm not getting right in my writing in this genre (or in general). If you could take a look at this story and let me know how it can be improved, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

The story in question: https://literotica.com/s/the-pleasure-giver-chronicles-ch-05

 

[yukonnights]

I read CH-05, and technically I see no issues. My best guess on this one is the theme of what I would consider extreme abuse of Soma the sub. I'm not a BDSM expert, but it does seem to me that the use of "home-brewed torture concoctions" is not what serious BDSM readers would approve of.

The story idea is creative and unique — but maybe it just didn't resonate with the target audience?

 

[SomaSlave]

I read CH-05, and technically I see no issues. My best guess on this one is the theme of what I would consider extreme abuse of Soma the sub. I'm not a BDSM expert, but it does seem to me that the use of "home-brewed torture concoctions" is not what serious BDSM readers would approve of.

The story idea is creative and unique — but maybe it just didn't resonate with the target audience?

Thank you for your kind words. Interestingly, the basic torture was something that happened to me many years ago. In that instance, the Domme used IcyHot and confined it to my penis. It was quite an experience, and one I hope to write about one day soon.

I am curious: what, specifically, did you consider extreme in Soma's treatment?

 

[yukonnights]

I think that more importantly than what I consider extreme is; What do serious BDSM readers consider extreme? In my time here on Lit I've followed the BDSM Forum a good bit and my take is that BDSM is not focused on breaking the sub to the point of severe pain while using a home-made concoction that burns flesh. My understanding is that pain and restraint are tools/techniques but potential bodily harm isn't the goal. The goal is to build trust in the Sub, explore the edges of domination, etc. But it's not the goal to inflict burning pain that could potentially be dangerous or irreparable — submission isn't about being a lab rat it's more of a head-space game. Obviously the BDSM readers found some flaw in the story and what I've said is just my best guess at what that flaw is.

If you want to perhaps get more feedback from the BDSM crowd, perhaps you could do a forum post on the BDSM discussion board asking for opinions on CH-05 from those who are more involved in such activities? They are your target audience and hopefully they can give you a better reason for the drop in score on that chapter/part. For what it's worth; I enjoyed the read even though it seemed a bit over my pain threshold.

 

[SomaSlave]

Thank you, again, for your thoughtful reply. I have posted to the BDSM board and am awaiting feedback.

In my own experience, pain can be quite intense without doing damage to the sub. At a certain point, it can trigger the release of endorphins which can help take the sub to a special headspace. It's happened to me a couple of times and it's a magic moment.

As for the ginger cream in the story, I had hoped to make clear that its function was to cause pain, but not to burn tissue or cause damage. Bodily harm was not the point of the Domme's experiment: it was bodily pain. She was using a loaner sub because she wanted to be absolutely certain of the efficacy of the cream. She wasn't testing its safety: as she was a medical professional, she would have considered that a Phase 1 trial. She wanted to be sure it wasn't too weak. Keep in mind, she was described as a sadistic Domme. Sadists enjoy inflicting pain for the sake of inflicting pain.

There were head games going on here, as in any good BDSM play. Her calling him "lab rat" was one of those games. She was letting him know she regarded him as disposable and of no concern. That was a form of getting into his head and building up his uncertainty and mental pain.

In my mind, the most controversial aspect of the story was the Domme's treatment of the safeword. She used a very shady technicality to avoid honoring it. In real life, that would have been reason for her to be ostracized from the BDSM community. Being fiction, I allowed it happen, primarily as an illustration of a truly sadistic mind in action. Mrs. King's acquiescence to the Domme's logic was intended to raise questions about her stated goal to protect our hero. Her final two words, at the end of the story, were supposed to explain that and be the big twist in the story. Apparently, I didn't do a good enough job with that, as no one has mentioned it...once again, I fear I'm too subtle for my own good,

 

[yukonnights]

Soma, I hope that you'll get some more feedback from folks over in the BDSM Forum. Like you, I'm curious as to why the rating doesn't reflect the quality of the writing and presentation. Hope you get some good input over there — and be sure to share what you get on this thread too.

 

[SomaSlave]

Soma, I hope that you'll get some more feedback from folks over in the BDSM Forum. Like you, I'm curious as to why the rating doesn't reflect the quality of the writing and presentation. Hope you get some good input over there — and be sure to share what you get on this thread too.

Thank you for your encouragement. I know my style isn't for everyone: for me, the sex is almost secondary. It's important, of course, but it's more a catalyst for the hero's development and transformation. I suppose if my story arcs have one underlying theme, it's transformation. The character is being acted on by external forces and, in responding to them, his true inner self is given an opportunity to emerge. As in real life, he is genuinely surprised, and often disturbed, by those self-discoveries. And, of course, that's a reflection, in large measure, to his creator's journey.