Feedback Request - Sara Jean Underwood

[toldastory]

My first story here -

https://www.literotica.com/s/sara-jean-underwood-and-me-ch-01

 

[Bramblethorn]

Might want to mention the genre (celeb/incest) so readers can judge whether it's going to be their cup of tea. Not my kink so I won't comment on hotness, just some things that caught my eye:

Sarah doesn't seem to have any reservations about having sex with her uncle and a bunch of random guys. If I'm reading a story about somebody breaking a taboo or doing something risky, I want some feeling for why they're doing that, but Celeb isn't my thing and I don't know whether other readers there feel the same.

There were quite a few proofreading errors:

My arms encircled her thin figure and I smelled her hair, my lips brushing against her neck as I did so. She moaned quietly, and

- incomplete sentence.

Her muscles clenched under the thin fabric of her shit

- bit of a mood-killer there!

I bit back am moan

I haven't held you this close in a ling time

I wanted to see her on her knees sucking and sucking a room full of strange men

I knew she anted him