Feedback Request: Bigfoots Come A Knockin'

[MarkoAaron]

Story has just posted.

https://www.literotica.com/s/bigfoots-come-a-knockin

It has light Non-con, but not too much.

 

[blin18]

Hi, conceptually, the four on two monster gang bang is a good set up, so kudos on wrapping up some nice big cock dubious consent in a more original package.

The tension of the attack on the cabin was deftly done. I felt myself clenching, so we'll done on that.

The other thing I liked was that it was a very clean edit. I think I spotted one typo only - very rare for a first story here.

So, what didn't I like?

The first page was dull. Sorry, but someone needs to say it. I think your plan was character development, then drama, then fucking, but your character development completely missed the mark. The boyfriend story was a waste. I know the idea was to set up a plausible scenario for two girls to spend spring break at a remote cabin, but it's not a complex set-up. "Hey Ash, wanna grab a bag of weed and come up my cabin for spring break? We can bang some loggers." We didn't learn anything important or entertaining about their characters on that first page, so it was actually WORSE than nothing as it has the effect of driving readers off.

The second thing that bothered me was the paragraphs. Too many one sentence paragraphs. Pick a subject and an idea, and talk about it for a few sentences, then change subject, change idea (heck, change both) and hit up a new para.

Lastly, the sex. It was pretty good, and you played the dubious consent card deftly. But this was a big cock story too, and that needs a slow, detailed description of the initial entry, especially when narrated by a woman. Big cock readers want to wallow in the tightness, the stretching, the pain and the pausing, trying a new angle and getting him deeper. And then when you have him all the way inside, describe the helpless feeling of being impaled, the shalow breaths, the pain of your cervix. Then the gradual acclimatisation, stretching, slow, deep thrusts, thudding into your desensitised cervix, and feeling like you're going to be pulled inside out by every withdrawal.

Big cock sex? MORE DETAIL!

Good story, keep writing. I didn't vote, but I would have given it four stars because I enjoyed it in spite of a number of annoyances.

 

[MarkoAaron]

Hi, conceptually, the four on two monster gang bang is a good set up, so kudos on wrapping up some nice big cock dubious consent in a more original package.

The tension of the attack on the cabin was deftly done. I felt myself clenching, so we'll done on that.

The other thing I liked was that it was a very clean edit. I think I spotted one typo only - very rare for a first story here.

So, what didn't I like?

The first page was dull. Sorry, but someone needs to say it. I think your plan was character development, then drama, then fucking, but your character development completely missed the mark. The boyfriend story was a waste. I know the idea was to set up a plausible scenario for two girls to spend spring break at a remote cabin, but it's not a complex set-up. "Hey Ash, wanna grab a bag of weed and come up my cabin for spring break? We can bang some loggers." We didn't learn anything important or entertaining about their characters on that first page, so it was actually WORSE than nothing as it has the effect of driving readers off.

The second thing that bothered me was the paragraphs. Too many one sentence paragraphs. Pick a subject and an idea, and talk about it for a few sentences, then change subject, change idea (heck, change both) and hit up a new para.

Lastly, the sex. It was pretty good, and you played the dubious consent card deftly. But this was a big cock story too, and that needs a slow, detailed description of the initial entry, especially when narrated by a woman. Big cock readers want to wallow in the tightness, the stretching, the pain and the pausing, trying a new angle and getting him deeper. And then when you have him all the way inside, describe the helpless feeling of being impaled, the shalow breaths, the pain of your cervix. Then the gradual acclimatisation, stretching, slow, deep thrusts, thudding into your desensitised cervix, and feeling like you're going to be pulled inside out by every withdrawal.

Big cock sex? MORE DETAIL!

Good story, keep writing. I didn't vote, but I would have given it four stars because I enjoyed it in spite of a number of annoyances.

Thanks for the feedback. I can't argue with anything that you said, but one thing I'd like to add.

I spaced the paragraphs so much, hoping it would be easier on the reader's eyes. I viewed the guideline and that was mentioned. I may have went a tad overboard on it, now that I read it and see how many one-lines I had. I guess a reader won't have a problem with losing their place, that's all I can say in my defense lol

 

[sr71plt]

Lastly, the sex. It was pretty good, and you played the dubious consent card deftly. But this was a big cock story too, and that needs a slow, detailed description of the initial entry, especially when narrated by a woman. Big cock readers want to wallow in the tightness, the stretching, the pain and the pausing, trying a new angle and getting him deeper. And then when you have him all the way inside, describe the helpless feeling of being impaled, the shalow breaths, the pain of your cervix. Then the gradual acclimatisation, stretching, slow, deep thrusts, thudding into your desensitised cervix, and feeling like you're going to be pulled inside out by every withdrawal.

Big cock sex? MORE DETAIL!

My thought in reading the story was the same as this. The concept of a Bigfoot sexual encounter with a young woman (noncon or otherwise) is a good one; the story itself, though, would only have lifted itself up to something exceptional by getting detailed and serious in the effect of the huge cock sexing as blin18 notes. The women were too casual Valley Girl for me even when they were being tracked down and assaulted. The surrounding story could be light but the story would be stellar for me only if the actual sex was graphically scintillating based on the size of the cocks and the relative size of the couple. Otherwise it fell short of my expectations for it; a great opportunity missed. My imagination was providing a more arousing scene than that.