Feedback Question, Cuckold Story

[engine1844]

I've written many bisexual/gay stories, this is a chapter where I focus purely on a cuckold sex scene. Wondering if any of you enjoy it and what you say.

https://www.literotica.com/s/dominated-in-brazil-ch-03

I'm going to add chapter 4 soon.

 

[AwkwardMD]

I read chapter 3

This was pretty short, so there’s not a lot I can say about it. The plot pretty much breaks down to “Epilogue of one sex scene, then a fight scene, then some days pass in which sex occurs but isn’t explicitly described, and then more descriptive sex.”

First and foremost, this is WAY too descriptive. It felt like you couldn’t go for more than once sentence without describing a specific body part. After a while it felt like you were running out of things to describe, so we get things like “her erotic smile” or “his serratus”. I can appreciate not being repetitive (and you were bordering on being repetitive), but when you’ve pushed yourself to having nothing left to describe but the serratus anterior muscle, you’ve probably gone too far. You had gone too far less than halfway through the story.

The kink doesn’t work at all for me. Cuckolding is a tough kink to write because writing takes confidence, but cuckolding is all about submission. Dominated in Brazil reads like it was definitely written by the beta because it can’t stop going on about how awesome the alpha is. The narrator is so over-the-moon for Carlos that it’s hard to take the narrator seriously.

So much time is spent describing Carlos in all his glory that I’m left with zero mental image of Jenny. She’s a tool Carlos uses to twist the narrator into a pretzel. It’s my understanding that, as a kink, the idea of enjoying being cuckolded is seeing your wife/significant other get off, but there’s no focus on Jenny. Jenny is an afterthought. This read like a Gay Male story in which a woman gets fucked while the narrator pines for Carlos.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not the story I was expecting to find. There’s no jealousy here. There’s no feelings of insecurity. All the punches are being pulled, metaphorically.

 

[gordo12]

I've written many bisexual/gay stories, this is a chapter where I focus purely on a cuckold sex scene. Wondering if any of you enjoy it and what you say.

https://www.literotica.com/s/dominated-in-brazil-ch-03

I'm going to add chapter 4 soon.

\

You've got a guy salivating over another guy. What part of GAY CATEGORY don't you get?
Erotic couplings would be a hetero category or 95% of the readers. Gay readers are maybe 5%. There is NOTHING erotic about gay sex to the hetero crowd.

Put your story where it belongs.

 

[AwkwardMD]

There is NOTHING erotic about gay sex to the homophobic crowd.

Fixed.

 

[gordo12]

Very funny. It shows disrespect to your readers when you pull shit like that. Nothing to do with being homophobic.

 

[AwkwardMD]

EDIT: Reported.

 

[gordo12]

Thank you to the lady that wrote. I tried to respond but your email address bounced.