Feedback, please. :)

[lnlycollegegirl]

-deleted-

 

[Epmd607]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=422573

Hello all,
That is the link to my poetry submission, which is also my first submission.
I'm new to the site and would greatly appreciate feedback.
If you would prefer I post the poem instead of the link I can certainly do that

Thanks for reading!

Hmlycollegegirl, it helps having multiple poems to look over when you're crticizing someone's work. I liked the first sixteen words of your poem: "The arousing ache of want courses through my veins./It comes out my pores, copper taste," but the rest of the poem was vague, generalized description of orgasm line for line, just uninteresting. Not that it doesn't show some knowledge of poetry, it's just sloppy: "need to be a part of him" "nirvana/heaven" "light beneath eyelids" "aching to take". There's nothing that seems personal and an orgasm is pretty personal.