save_marla
a cookie.
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2006
- Posts
- 1,566
Feedback, please?
- Thread starter save_marla
- Start date
tickledkitty
Precious.
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2007
- Posts
- 6,753
This is really well written, especially for a first effort.
Not sure about believeability or medical accuracy. As you said, though, it's not for everyone.
The only problem I noticed with the writing itself is that you tend to bury dialogue within a paragraph of narrative. It's better to start a new paragraph.
You kept my attention to the end, in spite of the fact that the story wasn't really my cup of tea. Good job.
Not sure about believeability or medical accuracy. As you said, though, it's not for everyone.
The only problem I noticed with the writing itself is that you tend to bury dialogue within a paragraph of narrative. It's better to start a new paragraph.
You kept my attention to the end, in spite of the fact that the story wasn't really my cup of tea. Good job.
Singularity
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2002
- Posts
- 284
I thought it was quite well written, marla. None of the often-seen new author distractions like poor paragraphing, lack of dialog, consistent tenses and point-of-view.
I thought you did a good job of conveying the discomfort and awkwardness that the patient felt, and the exasperation of the doctor. I liked the way you conveyed the idea that the doctor sees this kind of problem on a semi-regular basis.
I think what made it better than the usual story is the fact that the doctor does NOT take advantage of the situation to ravage her and to directly 'solve' her problem. That would be the easy ending to the script. Handling it the way you did made it definitely more fetish-y than sensual or sexual - which I believe was your intent.
Well done.
S.
I thought you did a good job of conveying the discomfort and awkwardness that the patient felt, and the exasperation of the doctor. I liked the way you conveyed the idea that the doctor sees this kind of problem on a semi-regular basis.
I think what made it better than the usual story is the fact that the doctor does NOT take advantage of the situation to ravage her and to directly 'solve' her problem. That would be the easy ending to the script. Handling it the way you did made it definitely more fetish-y than sensual or sexual - which I believe was your intent.
Well done.
S.
elfin_odalisque
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2004
- Posts
- 10,056
Hi Marla
I enjoyed the first two thirds, but thought the ending let you down (it often does in TV shows).
You write very well and I'm envious of your ability to create tension. I got my SO to read it and, coming from the doctor's perspective, he was panting as well.
There's loads of doctor stories on Lit but you nearly had the best one. When you changed perspective to give the doctor the predominant role it slipped a notch in my estimation. The embarrassment was beautifully done.
You got the tension across and have a way with words - great stuff.
When's the next one coming?
I enjoyed the first two thirds, but thought the ending let you down (it often does in TV shows).
You write very well and I'm envious of your ability to create tension. I got my SO to read it and, coming from the doctor's perspective, he was panting as well.
There's loads of doctor stories on Lit but you nearly had the best one. When you changed perspective to give the doctor the predominant role it slipped a notch in my estimation. The embarrassment was beautifully done.
You got the tension across and have a way with words - great stuff.
When's the next one coming?
