Feedback please!

[not_in_1M_years]

First submission and first story. I am really interested in learning, so I would appreciate any constructive feedback--positive or negative.

The Door Opens...by not_in_1M_years
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=269839

Thanks so much for helping me out!

 

[larrydownunder]

Nice try

Hey keep up the good work, thoroughly enjpyed it, Look forward to more

Larry

 

[not_in_1M_years]

Thank you!

I appreciate the encouragement!

 

[Saucyminx]

Not bad. The premise is a good one, at least it appeals to some of my kinks. You write well.

Second person is a difficult voice to write in and make it work. It does have the effect of alienating people who are not of the same mind set--and as you saw from your illustrious anonymous comment--people can be down right nasty.

Having said that--who cares? Write what you like, and what turns you on.

Welcome to lit.

 

[not_in_1M_years]

Thank you!

Saucyminx,

Thank you for the comments about writing in second voice. That really started out as a challenge to myself.

I really appreciate you taking the time to do read my little story and give me feedback.

Amantha

 

[Lee Chambers]

I thought you did a good job. Second person doesn't always appeal to me, but I think you did well for your first time. Keep writing and I hope to see more work from you.

 

[not_in_1M_years]

Thank you!

Thanks for the encouragement! I am trying to finish a couple of stories now.

Thank you for taking the time to do this!

amantha

 

[itsame38]

A Voyeur's dream

A very good story and just the right length to hold a readers interest. Not a lot of extra filler material that adds nothing to the story.....thanks for a good read!!

 

[not_in_1M_years]

Thanks!

It is short. But of course one writes what one likes. I prefer concise writing although I have a tendency to ramble on things that seem inconsequential.

Thanks for taking the time to respond! I am very grateful.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Good imagination and writing. But, as you're looking for criticism that may improve, I offer this:

"You know I am close now. Your cock is just begging for my pussy."

My idea is this: "I'm so close you can smell my scent. It increases with every delicious step you advance towards me. The scent excites me more than anyone could possibly understand."

There are several places in the story you can add heat is all I'm saying.

Find a good editor, or when you get tired of that I'm available.

 

[not_in_1M_years]

Excellent!

Yes! Thank you!

I know that I need an editor. The first submission was just to get me over the fear of someone reading my writing. As is my habit, I tend to dive in head first.

Great crit. Exactly what I asked for. I will work on increasing some of the descriptive in order to increase the heat of what I am writing.

Thank you for taking the time to do this. It means a lot to me.

Amantha

 

[KiraDreams]

Great story, congrat for your work, it's really moving. Oh my I just realize that it's turning me on