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Feedback Please

Dani_allie said:
So, I'm a rookie writer and am looking for some feedback on my first submission.

It's a story I actually starting writing many years ago-when I was much younger-but still I thought I could use it to break the ice, so to speak.

Please let me know what you think.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-stepdaddys-delight
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"I was much younger when I wrote this." Were you a child when you wrote it? It sounds very pubsecent. Despite your "disclaimer" of "she had just turned 18" in the first paragraph was as though you were worried the owners would have denied your child-fuck tale.

"Ow daddy it hurts."
"Your you ng pussy feels so good."

:rolleyes:
 
So the words "Young Pussy" mean under eighteen, and no girl over eighteen would ever call her father Daddy, right?

My daughter is thirty-three and she still calls me Daddy half the time. I think some of you need to check the way you see things.

I think an alder guy sees every pussy under the age of twenty-five as young.

If I want to write about an eighteen year old that calls her father Daddy, and she has a young pussy, I'm well within my rights. Just because you're forty, and forgot what it's like to be young, doesn't mean I can't write about it.

Get off your high horses and get over your own damn hangups.
 
does your daughter call you "daddy" While you are fucking her? I have no ojection to incest or to being young. But it does seem to me that if your character is married to a woman with an eighteen year-old daughter, then she is probably at least 36, makes yo a forty-year-old lurking around the pool waiting for this young maiden to turn eighteen. In other words, a slimy pedophile.

Your writing is very immature and sounds like Jr. high valley speak.

Your story seems like a veiled attempt to write kiddy porn. No amount of glad handing and saying, "gee whiz" ain't young people great?" can hide this obvious attempt to passs off kiddy porn as something else. Sorry but if it quacks,it's a duck.
 
Says the 60 year old man two generations removed, LOL.

Don't like it, don't read it robert, but heres a news flash, every eighteen story isn't a pedophile story, my god, grow up.
 
And by the way, the story is posted, and the author didn't ask for your opinion on their moral compass, they asked for feedback on the story.

How would you like it Robert, if when you asked for feedback someone got on their bible thumping soapbox and read you the riot act about homosexuality?

There's no law about writing underage sex, its just a rule here, so quit acting like it is.
 
lowphat said:
So the words "Young Pussy" mean under eighteen, and no girl over eighteen would ever call her father Daddy, right?

My daughter is thirty-three and she still calls me Daddy half the time. I think some of you need to check the way you see things.

I think an alder guy sees every pussy under the age of twenty-five as young.

If I want to write about an eighteen year old that calls her father Daddy, and she has a young pussy, I'm well within my rights. Just because you're forty, and forgot what it's like to be young, doesn't mean I can't write about it.

Get off your high horses and get over your own damn hangups.
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Does she only call you daddy when she wants something? Mine are 25/22 and its been "Dad" since their early teens...until they want something then its 'daddy' and the big doe eyes....:rolleyes:

I agree young does not have to mean a child. I'm 47 if I was screwing around with a 22 year old I'd think "young pussy"

And its interesting because in mom son incest "mommy" is rarely used because no 18+ guy calls his mom mommy, but in dad/daughter 'daddy' is the key buzzword

And d/d is driven by 'daddy's little girl' type dynamic.

I admit there's room to wonder if this is under age, but I don't think its a 'lock'.
 
I'm going to chime in that the writing came across a little immature. Now if you were doing Ivy's POV you can get away with it-to me-because if you're writing as a 18 year old girl it would be immature to a point.

But you were doing from dad's so it came across childish at points

But...you're a new writer and I think practice can help with that and would expect you will improve with more stories.
 
lowphat said:
So the words "Young Pussy" mean under eighteen, and no girl over eighteen would ever call her father Daddy, right?

My daughter is thirty-three and she still calls me Daddy half the time. I think some of you need to check the way you see things.

I think an alder guy sees every pussy under the age of twenty-five as young.

If I want to write about an eighteen year old that calls her father Daddy, and she has a young pussy, I'm well within my rights. Just because you're forty, and forgot what it's like to be young, doesn't mean I can't write about it.

Get off your high horses and get over your own damn hangups.
Click to expand...

Did your daughter say "I think we learned about these penises in sex ed but I don't know what one does" ?????? Or "owww daddy it hurts" while you said "It's oksy baby it'll get better"...as you ignore her cries and rape her?? :-/ The OP even said "she wrote this when she was quite young".

I think advocates supporting this story may be closeted pedos.
 
I never even read the story, because those aren't my thing. I responded to your lame ass post, nothing more. I made it clear how I felt about the use of daddy, and young pussy. Now I'm a closet pedophile?

My god, grow up. Reluctance is fine, sim rape is fine, loving wives are fine, but using the word Daddy isn't?

We got some narrow minded people at Lit don't we.

If it breaks the rules, report it. If it doesn't, don't piss and moan about it, just move on.
 
Well if rape is an issue you best rush over to the non con section and ban all those.

If you want to push its under age you may have an argument.

But its obvious rape is not an issue on this site, despite claims other wise.
 
This story "is waiting approval"... It was at 3.21 the last time I saw. Maybe 2 positive feedback posts out of 20ish comments.
 
Wow! The writer did not ask my opinion about grammar, but about the content of the story. And attacking me personally about my own age, which you got wrong, has nothing to do with feed back, but only with ageism. I spoke of the characters in the story, the plot of the story and about immature writing style, nothing personal about the author, since I know nothing personal about the author, only what he wrote. One does not have to be young to have an immature writing style. However, I do recognize that the main female character in the story is one day past eighteen. Was that accidental or written by a real person with real intentions?

My objections were not about morals, but about human decency and writing as if it is okay to use a position of power and influence (step father) to wait and lurk for one's stepdaughter to turn eighteen. The writer could have made her nineteen or twenty-two. She still would have been young. Why did he choose eighteen? Can you guess?
 
Who gives a shit why she's one day past eighteen? You say it isn't a morals thing for you, so why are you up on your soap box pissing and moaning about it? She's eighteen because that's the rules, not nineteen, or twenty.

And again, I haven't read the story, so I have no iidea about the maturity of the writer, or the lack there of. But if you think this is a normal story review by you, your an asshole Robert.

It doesn't matter, the story is gone, so you can throw a parade if you want. And by the way, I think Dani is a girl.
 
lowphat said:
Maybe she deleted it after your warm welcome :D

Have a great day Robert!
Click to expand...

Nope. Site owners put it in limbo. It's pending approval again because Laurel is looking it over.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
"Harassing" and "attacking" are more appropriate words for what you were doing.
 
Its 'pending approval" because someone used their interpretation of it to report it.

Better get busy then because there's countless stories here-many dad/daughter-where the girl is said to eb 18/19 and acting 12.

If the site really cared they would actually screen things rather than rush them up there to go do other things.

I have long since given up on reporting anything, no matter how bad it is because its not my site and if they don't care, why the hell should I?

They have a story with "Snuff" in the title of a contest story. Whether it has it or not anyone searching snuff on google is going to come running right here to a site that says "oh, we don't allow that."

meanwhile I'm running around my 60k story changing some ages because I realized I had a 16 year old being threatened with rape. She isn't hurt, but they "say" what they want to do to her and that would be under age here:rolleyes:

Good to see I make the effort for a good reason.

Well actually I do it because its supposed to be the rules so I'll follow them whether they are enforced with any type of consistency or not.
 
So a newbie author gets a fine literotica welcome. Bullying and harassment from someone who "Thinks" the story was under age by their opinion only.
 
It's Hilarius, I knew pilot couldn't stay away. He tried and he tried, and then he gave in.
 
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