feedback please for a poem

[aquaglide1]

just looking for comments/criticism of my first poem on lit. the link is below

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=135304

thanks
Aqua

ps. i promise to read one of yours

 

[jthserra]

I took a peek...

and left a public comment. I liked your unique language and pacing, but thought some enhambment and punctuation would enhance the overall poem. All in all pretty good...


jim : )

 

[aquaglide1]

"girl land" feedback

Jim

thanks for your careful, critical reading and comments. coming from one as prolific and talented as you, it means a lot.

in regard to your public comments, I used the cliches intentionally, hoping people would think of the phrases in a non-cliched way. what ever that means. I guess you thought it didn't work as well as it might have.

anyway thanks a bunch
Aqua

 

[Shadowsandflames]

Aqua,

I liked this poem. It did the most important thing a poem can do, which is to elicit an emotional response from the reader, or at least this reader. I certainly can't say I know exactly how it would feel to live this poem, but I understood all the excitment of it. I also love the irony of a poem with a fairly original feel to it being made up of so many cliches. Oh, and don't sweat the punctuation. I never know where to put it in my poems either. All in all, very nice. Keep writing.

Shadows

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Felt what you did man. Had my imagination working.

 

[aquaglide1]

shadows

thanks for reading my first poem...glad you liked it...hope there are more in me..we'll see...
nice to have feedback from one who has written some nice stuff of their own.

Existential

wonderful to know I caught your imagination...from reading a couple of your poems it's clear you have quite an imagination to work with

thank you both
aqua