Feedback please-Be brutal

[Guest]

I request your brutal criticism of my story.

There are three chapters so far, but each chapter should be readable as a seperate entity(Of course, it's easier to understand what's what if you read it from the top.)

Chapter one: Mind control (It's not hypnosis, or drug use)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=41871

Chapter two: Non-concent

http://www.literotica.com/stpries/showstory.php?id=45603

Chapter three: Incest

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=45608

If you liked what I write, or if you'd like to rubbish more of my stories click on below:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=95091

 

[Impetus]

Much as I *would* like to be brutal, I really can't think of much I'd criticize.

Perhaps it's just my mood, but I'm really liking the drug dealer/whore stories these days. I just really enjoyed reading your story. There were enough touches of realism, fantasy, and tension that it made a top-notch story, in my opinion. Good work.

-I

 

[Guest]

P.S. It's not fair to call Katie a whore..., is it, Impetus?

 

[superlittlegirl]

enjoyed!

Hi svet,

I'm afraid I won't be brutalizing your stories, either. I enjoyed them as a whole. Conceptually, I like it that you have a character who is a (former) prostitute yet you resist the idea of going all Pygmalion/Pretty Woman on the plot. I prefer it raw and gritty. You achieved that quite well.

At first I was confused by the role-playing element, but I really got into the game of wondering whether his partner was a new conquest or one of Katie's inventions. I found her character to be tough, yet vulnerable and sexy, and I'd really like to know more about her. I know that her point of view is not the point of the story, but she's rather appealing, so more character development there would be most welcome. That's kind of a strain on the story, though, because her anonymity is a huge impetus behind the way I perceive her. I wonder if companion chapters from her POV could be a fun project? There's so much material here to work with. I'm excited about it, and they aren't even my characters. But I found myself imagining what they'd be like and what adventures they'd have after I finished the stories last night.

The stories are edgy, sexy, and satisfying. I'd like to see more of those two.

--Freya

 

[Guest]

Thanks supperlittlegirl very much

The story will have three more chapters, and core of the following chapters are done.

But, one of my novella is in editing, and I'll finish that one first. so be patient with me.

Yes it's difficult for me to develop her character, because it's 'Billy' who's narrating, and to him, Katie is nothing more than an easy lay.

Yes, it's a good idea to write a story from her point of view, but I've got so many stories I have to finish up. (You can borrow the character if you're interested. I don't mind. Knowing the way you write, I'm sure you'll do justice to the character.)

I'm glad the story made you imagine future possibilities.

Thanks again,

svet

 

[superlittlegirl]

oh, I was hoping you'd offer!

Hi svet--

I hope I didn't sound demanding-- it wasn't my intent. I know that you can't just drop everything and write the Katie-view chapters. How wonderful it is that you're so busy with your projects. I'm eagerly anticipating more of those two. I'm glad to know that there is more forthcoming. I just got so excited....

I'd simply love to play with your characters. Thanks for offering! I've never had the opportunity to write within an already developed plot and set of circumstances. I'm sure it's going to be more of a challenge than I ever could've imagined, but a fun challenge. I'll let you know how it goes.

I am honored that you're willing to let me try this. Thank you.

--Freya

 

[Impetus]

My dictionary defines 'whore' as one who engages in promiscuous sexual acts for money. So in that, at least, it is fair to call her a whore.

She does start off pretty innocent in the first chapter, which is perhaps why the reader wants to see her 'saved' from life in the whorehouse. In subsequent chapters, heck, even in the first one, she really gets into the whole 'promiscuity' thing. I think calling her a whore would be right-good, if it wasn't that the word was kinda vulgar, and she really isn't vulgar nearly so much as simply sexual. The word fits, at least, but it might not be the best one. I can't, off the top of my head, at least, think of a better word, though, so I leave it to you.

Good luck/writing!

-I

 

[Guest]

You're right!

Impetus,

You are right on the mark about vulgar vs sexual.
I'm just being protective about the character. That's all.

Thanks for the comment.

 

[Fairytat]

When I read it I thought, courtesan.