Feedback on story idea

[Secretauthor2021]

Hi all,

I’ve been writing a story, think erotic thriller, but I don’t know if it’s too dark a concept to post.

Basically it starts with a bunch of teens (age appropriate of course)

Who wake up in a cell, at this point the boys have been separated from the girls.

One by one they’re taken away to a room, one boy, one girl and made to have sex for an unknown watcher. Its kind of psychological and goes through how the group deal with it and the dynamics between the friends.

Do you think this is too harsh a concept?

 

[Nightscream89]

I don't think it's too harsh.
It's a bit on the extreme side, but there is always an audience for what you want to write.

So just write what you want to write.

If I would think about this concept, I think seperating the guys and girls is a bit of a mistake. I think the dynamic of them having to be just 'friends' or 'classmates' after having been forced to have sex with each other could be interesting.

For me personally, I would make them classmates and include a female teacher who is just as powerless. Then 2 of the teenagers (18+) would be a couple, however the GF is selected, but instead of the BF, his best friend is selected. Now he has to watch how his GF is forced to have sex with his best friend.

Maybe one of the guys could be a secret sadist who really enjoys everything that is happening.

Do you just want to force them to have sex, or will the ones controlling them also decide how the have sex?
Like when the female teacher is selected she accepts it, she had sex before and figures that even though she doesn't like it and besides it's with one of her students, she has no major other issues with it in this scenario, at least until she hears that the assignment is 'Anal'.

I think the idea is very interesting, but it needs some details, make sure the characters have unique qualities besides their looks. Like a shy girl, maybe one of the girls is a bit of a slut who sees it as an opportunity to have sex with the other girls BF.
Some may be just terrified and think this is just horrible, others may think it's horrible, but see some positive sides to it.

Finally, I think you would need a 'punishment' for when someone refuses to have sex when they are ordered to.

I hope this helps, again it would be a dark theme and definately in the noncon category, but I think there will be people who would enjoy a story like this.

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Thank you for your feedback. I had started writing the story already. I’m about 9-10 chapters in, but wasn’t sure if I should stop or not.

I did merge the boys and girls together in the end. Just have to work out how to end the story.

 

[ericrodman101]

This has the tension of Love Island and other dating shows where the couples pair up, but are then subjected by Big Brother or whomever, to explore different couplings. Put them all in the room together so they can be arbitrarily removed and the remaining guys and girls know the absent couple are fucking. And make it as unvanilla as possible. They're captive, the unseen controller is forcing them to fuck in whatever acts and combinations he wants, they're all dreading or maybe yearning to be picked, they're all returning with a new story or shock, dejection and disgust. It's a story to test the limits of friendships, relationships and tolerance. Five couples are kidnapped and taken to Fuck Island. Who will soar and who will fall?

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Now there’s an idea.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

It's a story to test the limits of friendships, relationships and tolerance. Five couples are kidnapped and taken to Fuck Island. Who will soar and who will fall?

Is there a "voted off" mechanism, or is it an endurance test? "Which relationship can survive the 12 weeks of ... Fuck Island?"

-Annie

 

[TheOtherTeacher]

Hi all,

I’ve been writing a story, think erotic thriller, but I don’t know if it’s too dark a concept to post.

Basically it starts with a bunch of teens (age appropriate of course)

Who wake up in a cell, at this point the boys have been separated from the girls.

One by one they’re taken away to a room, one boy, one girl and made to have sex for an unknown watcher. Its kind of psychological and goes through how the group deal with it and the dynamics between the friends.

Do you think this is too harsh a concept?

I really like this idea. Mind if I steal/copy it?

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Well I did it. I wrote the first part of my story. Would love to know what you think.

https://www.literotica.com/s/beyond-the-red-door

 

[JrkngSwede]

Well I did it. I wrote the first part of my story. Would love to know what you think.

https://www.literotica.com/s/beyond-the-red-door

Mmm, thank you for a long wet morning read. Sexy and thought provoking story with so many layers.

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Thank you for the feedback. Just thinking about part 2 now and what should happen next.

 

[JrkngSwede]

Thank you for the feedback. Just thinking about part 2 now and what should happen next.

I’m not into long stories but I really liked yours! (For me) novel concept and the story setup was sexy as hell. Naked and unaware.

 

[Secretauthor2021]

I’m not into long stories but I really liked yours! (For me) novel concept and the story setup was sexy as hell. Naked and unaware.

I know what you mean, I prefer stories that are short, maybe 3 parts at the most. I’ve written longer, but the more I write the harder it is to maintain that initial interest.

 

[JrkngSwede]

I know what you mean, I prefer stories that are short, maybe 3 parts at the most. I’ve written longer, but the more I write the harder it is to maintain that initial interest.

Amen, if you don’t get into the story after first page you stop reading. Most long stories put the sex first and then go on forever. You did it differently ️️️️️

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Amen, if you don’t get into the story after first page you stop reading. Most long stories put the sex first and then go on forever. You did it differently ️️️️️

Thank you, it was my first story in this category. Wasn’t sure how it would turn out. Although, saying that the ratings aren’t my best, barely scraping a 4.5 at the moment.

 

[JrkngSwede]

Thank you, it was my first story in this category. Wasn’t sure how it would turn out. Although, saying that the ratings aren’t my best, barely scraping a 4.5 at the moment.

You’ve got so many more stories I’ll have to read, maybe your ratings will improve as I jerk my way through them

 

[Secretauthor2021]

You’ve got so many more stories I’ll have to read, maybe your ratings will improve as I jerk my way through them

Much appreciated my friend, don’t forget to hydrate

 

[SteelPoint]

One by one they’re taken away to a room, one boy, one girl and made to have sex for an unknown watcher. Its kind of psychological and goes through how the group deal with it and the dynamics between the friends.

Do you think this is too harsh a concept?

How? Why?

This needs explaining or there is very little left of your "story idea", frankly.

 

[Nightscream89]

Thank you for the feedback. Just thinking about part 2 now and what should happen next.

I really love your take on the story. Also the end with desperation.
I think part 2 could be more about their surrender, knowing that there is no way to go and not knowing how many Watchers there are.

I would love to read what the watchers have planned next. For ideas personally I would love to see the watchers starting to track the girls menstrual cycle. Maya is the first to ovulate, they force all the guys to cum inside her, last one Lucas.
The watchers noticed his affections towards her and give him a chance, if he wants he can eat all the cum out of Maya's pussy before cumming inside her, increasing his own chance of impregnating her.
A really cruel thing to do, giving him a choice like that is really psychologically damaging. Since he eats cum "Of his own free will" even if he just does it so his chances increase of being the father of her child. He does it but in the end it doesn't matter, the next body scan of Maya reveals that she's pregnant, and the father is not Lucas. Now he did that for nothing.

Just an idea, figured it wouldn't help to suggest it. Either way, can't wait for the next chapter.

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Interesting idea nightscream89. I wanted to break Lucas because he was the joker and the most naive and I thought this would have the greatest psychological impact on him. I was thinking along the lines of group action with Maya, but making him watch, but this is definitely a step further again.

 

[Nightscream89]

Interesting idea nightscream89. I wanted to break Lucas because he was the joker and the most naive and I thought this would have the greatest psychological impact on him. I was thinking along the lines of group action with Maya, but making him watch, but this is definitely a step further again.

I like the idea of breaking Lucas.
Another interesting thing is that are 4 guys and only 3 girls.
I could imagine that Ethan and Zoe get into some sort of relationship, it kinda felt like it was already heading there in the first chapter.
Maybe Maya does tend to get closer to Lucas because she sees how much he loves her and that makes her feel safe with him, maybe not quite love from her side, more like she likes the feeling of having someone who would do anything for her.
And having Caleb and Elena more as a 'Neutral' stance who get along and talk but more on a friendly level.

This leaves Jonah as the odd one out that doesn't have a deeper connection to any of them. This frustrates him a bit. So of course the watchers decide to throw him a bone. Jonah is selected for a BDSM assignment, he will need to whip, fuck and humiliate one of the girls maybe even add some other things that aren't pleasant for the girl.(maybe add some watersports here as well.) But the watchers make him choose his own victim, knowing that this would piss off one of the other guys. (If it were me, I would have him choose either Elena or Maya, to elevate Ethan and Zoe even more as 'leaders' of the group.)

You could even make this the beginning of a 'Jonah villain arc' where the watchers try to turn Jonah into a villain and slowly twist his morals. Maybe they could have a plan for everyone in the group? Just to see if they can alter the personalities of everyone like they are doing with Lucas.

Again just some ideas. I hope they help you as inspiration.

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Loving your enthusiasm on this. I’m two chapters in at the moment, but as usual I’m writing two other stories at the same time and I’m jumping between all three of them.

Anyway, tempers are flaring and Zoe, Ethan and Lucas have split from the group to find answers. I do appreciate your ideas, especially like the Jonah villain idea.

 

[Nightscream89]

Loving your enthusiasm on this. I’m two chapters in at the moment, but as usual I’m writing two other stories at the same time and I’m jumping between all three of them.

Anyway, tempers are flaring and Zoe, Ethan and Lucas have split from the group to find answers. I do appreciate your ideas, especially like the Jonah villain idea.

Yeah, sometimes I read something and my ADD just starts working overtime
If it's too much just tell me, I tend to go in too deep sometimes. (Also why I always mention I just mean it for inspiration. I never 'expect' author's to actually use my ideas, though it's a nice surprise if they do.)

I am thinking about starting a second series while still writing my first, but that seems like a lot of juggling ideas in my head. So I can't even imagine writing 3 at the same time

Can't wait to read your next chapter!

 

[Secretauthor2021]

Yeah, sometimes I read something and my ADD just starts working overtime
If it's too much just tell me, I tend to go in too deep sometimes. (Also why I always mention I just mean it for inspiration. I never 'expect' author's to actually use my ideas, though it's a nice surprise if they do.)

I am thinking about starting a second series while still writing my first, but that seems like a lot of juggling ideas in my head. So I can't even imagine writing 3 at the same time

Can't wait to read your next chapter!

Tell me about it. I need to focus on one at a time, but way too often I’m like, ooh that would be a good idea for this story.

I also get swayed by the amount of feedback / favourites / ratings of my other stories. So if I see feedback from yourself, I’m encouraged to write the follow-up to this, but if I see feedback from my other story such as ‘The exchange student’ I’ll be like, oh this is what people want to read more of.

To be honest I’m surprised by how many stories I’ve actually managed to get published .