Hi, I've just published my first story and would appreciate any feedback that could be provided.
https://www.literotica.com/s/a-new-life-ch-01-11
https://www.literotica.com/s/a-new-life-ch-01-11
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Feedback on new story - A New Life
- Thread starter Patsy_P
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Jada59
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Could you give us the link to the story?
Bramblethorn
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Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
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I think there is a thread specifically for the purposes of Feedback.
UsuallyPresent
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Enjoyed the story. The start is choppy, lots of short stubby sentences which might be combined for better flow, or not - authorial voice is your call, just my 2c.
You also have a LOT happening. Now don't take that as a complaint - I have a lot going in some of my tales too - it's just flooding the reader. Your call again, but you MIGHT consider breaking this into a couple tales, maybe one with the sister and the store clerk, another with the new neighbors? Then again, sometimes a 'busy' tale can work quite well, all depends on your intent.
As you polish your style further, I look forward to reading more.
You also have a LOT happening. Now don't take that as a complaint - I have a lot going in some of my tales too - it's just flooding the reader. Your call again, but you MIGHT consider breaking this into a couple tales, maybe one with the sister and the store clerk, another with the new neighbors? Then again, sometimes a 'busy' tale can work quite well, all depends on your intent.
As you polish your style further, I look forward to reading more.
