Feedback on my new story "Before the Vows"

[CheatingHot]

Hello guy,

So this is about the seduction of a bride by the best man, just a night before the great wedding ceremony. A harmless dance leads to a night full of sex. I hope you enjoy it and give me some constructive feedback. Feel free to support my work. Stay naughty.

https://www.literotica.com/s/before-the-vows

 

[Gamblnluck]

Getting less than a 2 score should tell you. The MC was a despicable bitch. If can't even like a character, don't expect a decent review.

 

[annabellebrito]

I'll give it a read

 

[annabellebrito]

This story is no longer available. The link does not work

 

[lovecraft68]

This story is no longer available. The link does not work

The author probably pulled it after getting unhinged abuse heaped on him by people like post #2.

This is a category that has a large faction-but not all of them-of 'male' readers who are so weak and immature and insecure they lose their minds over a story where a fictional woman cheats with a fictional man.

Some of us not only don't care, but revel in the abuse (raises hand) because seeing man babies cry is worth a bad score.

But other people take it personally. Sadly this person may never post another story here thanks to a bunch of internet bullies.

 

[CheatingHot]

Hey loves, I’m sorry, I couldn’t handle the negativity and decided to take the story down.
A lot of the insults and backlash weren’t really about the quality of the writing, but about the ‘cheating’ theme itself. I didn’t take it very well, to be honest.
I’m not great with that kind of personal attack, so I pulled the story to put an end to it. I hope you understand.
Thank you for the love and support you always show me.

Love, Moni.

 

[annabellebrito]

Hey loves, I’m sorry, I couldn’t handle the negativity and decided to take the story down.
A lot of the insults and backlash weren’t really about the quality of the writing, but about the ‘cheating’ theme itself. I didn’t take it very well, to be honest.
I’m not great with that kind of personal attack, so I pulled the story to put an end to it. I hope you understand.
Thank you for the love and support you always show me.

Love, Moni.

Can you send me the story? I never got a chance to finish it?

 

[annabellebrito]

Can you send me the story? I never got a chance to finish it?

I'm sorry it got that far. Id still love to read it.

 

[annabellebrito]

I'm sorry it got that far. Id still love to read it.

Here is my contact

Posting email addresses on the forum is prohibited.

 

[annabellebrito]

The author probably pulled it after getting unhinged abuse heaped on him by people like post #2.

This is a category that has a large faction-but not all of them-of 'male' readers who are so weak and immature and insecure they lose their minds over a story where a fictional woman cheats with a fictional man.

Some of us not only don't care, but revel in the abuse (raises hand) because seeing man babies cry is worth a bad score.

But other people take it personally. Sadly this person may never post another story here thanks to a bunch of internet bullies.

Yeah. I read a story on here and it got few comments with some negativity, I loved it though and contacted the author for praise. I did help him add to the story a little bit and it helped big time.

 

[lovecraft68]

Yeah. I read a story on here and it got few comments with some negativity, I loved it though and contacted the author for praise. I did help him add to the story a little bit and it helped big time.

Good for you, authors here, especially new ones, need support not abuse and that goes for here too. Looking at troll in post #2 personal feelings are not feedback.

 

[CheatingHot]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They truly mean the world to me.
About the deleted story: I’ve published it for free on LushStories, in case anyone still wants to read it. I hope it’s okay to share external links here. If not, I sincerely apologize and kindly ask the mods to remove it and forgive me for the mistake.

@annabellebrito For some reason, I can’t seem to start a private conversation with you, love. I tried to send you the story via PM, but it didn’t work. So I’m sharing the link here instead. I really hope this doesn’t violate any guidelines. Fingers crossed!

[Do not redirect users to external websites]

 

[Rob_Royale]

Getting less than a 2 score should tell you. The MC was a despicable bitch. If can't even like a character, don't expect a decent review.

As someone who writes mainly 'mary sue' characters, I find a little selfishness or despicableness refreshing. Not all characters are supposed to be relatable or even likable.

 

[CheatingHot]

As someone who writes mainly 'mary sue' characters, I find a little selfishness or despicableness refreshing. Not all characters are supposed to be relatable or even likable.

You nailed it, dear.

The way they talk, you can feel the years of teasing, the pent-up heat that’s been building between them.

It’s pure sexual tension, thick enough to cut. He catches her off-guard, vulnerable, and finally says fuck it, because he’s wanted her for way too long.

She drives him crazy, and this time he’s done pretending.
And let’s be honest: She’s not the only one soaking wet in seconds.

He’s rock-hard while they dance, his cock straining in his pants, and every move they make just makes it worse. They’re both so turned on it’s only a matter of time before one of them snaps.

So that’s basically the setup, and honestly, that’s how cheating happens in real life sometimes.

I’ll never understand why people read a story, then vote or comment just to bash it when they clearly hate the very idea of seduction, losing control, giving in to raw, primal urges, and eventually crossing that line.

If that’s not your thing, why even click?‍

 

[Gamblnluck]

You nailed it, dear.

The way they talk, you can feel the years of teasing, the pent-up heat that’s been building between them.

It’s pure sexual tension, thick enough to cut. He catches her off-guard, vulnerable, and finally says fuck it, because he’s wanted her for way too long.

She drives him crazy, and this time he’s done pretending.
And let’s be honest: She’s not the only one soaking wet in seconds.

He’s rock-hard while they dance, his cock straining in his pants, and every move they make just makes it worse. They’re both so turned on it’s only a matter of time before one of them snaps.

So that’s basically the setup, and honestly, that’s how cheating happens in real life sometimes.

I’ll never understand why people read a story, then vote or comment just to bash it when they clearly hate the very idea of seduction, losing control, giving in to raw, primal urges, and eventually crossing that line.

If that’s not your thing, why even click?‍

You asked for feedback. I gave it. Your MC might not be the best person around, but if you want a reader to relate, you have to give him or her some redeeming qualities.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Not all characters are supposed to be relatable or even likable.

They should have something the reader likes. If not don't expect to mesh with your readers.

Hitler could and did get somebody to relate to him. I know some authors relish the idea they can throw their middle finger in the readers' faces and say 'I don;t care', but I wonder who really likes wasting their time writing something nobody likes, personally I have better things to do. (The lawn needs mowing. The squirrels in the yard could use a few BB's shot at them...)

 

[annabellebrito]

Thank you so much for your kind words. They truly mean the world to me.
About the deleted story: I’ve published it for free on LushStories, in case anyone still wants to read it. I hope it’s okay to share external links here. If not, I sincerely apologize and kindly ask the mods to remove it and forgive me for the mistake.

@annabellebrito For some reason, I can’t seem to start a private conversation with you, love. I tried to send you the story via PM, but it didn’t work. So I’m sharing the link here instead. I really hope this doesn’t violate any guidelines. Fingers crossed!

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/cheating/midnight-before-the-vows-part-one-2

Thank you , for some reason my messages are off on Lit. I have been trying to correct this, that's why I posted my contact. I will look into your story and finish it. I read all kinds of erotica. Don't let some criticism get you down. With any form of art, you have to develop some thick skin and able to distinguish constructive criticism from simply mean baseless emotional comments. Best of luck.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Okay, I'm gonna piss some people off here. The OP posted a story that did not get above a 2 for a score. He or she saw comments written by readers. Yes,they were hurtful. What was the next step? He came here, where, for the most part the feedback is from other authors, for another opinion. I told him honestly where he FAILED. For that I was called a troll by Lovecraft.
I suppose if the Op's story had been simply, "I screwed the girl." I should praise him for a well-written first story. The grammar was correct. It told the story the way the author wanted to say it and everybody should praise the effort. WRONG.
He asked for feedback from other authors. I assumed he wanted to know why his story got no traction. Why his score was in the toilet. I told him an honest truth: You have to connect with your readers.
Too many on these forums say, "I write what I want. I say what I want, how I want and if the readers do not like my efforts, screw them, they are not paying me anyway." In my opinion that is like walking outside and farting into a big wind. If you really wanted to offend somebody, stay inside, walk into a nice restaurant, let one loose and yell 'enjoy it assholes! I love the smell of my own farts, and if you don't like them, fuck you!'

If you ask for an opinion that might be counter to the feedback you already got, don;t be offended if it isn't.