Feedback on my first story :)

[Jorvik1220]

Hi all

Just got my first story published (number 2 well on the way!!!). I'd love some feedback:

https://www.literotica.com/s/getting-what-i-want-2

Jorvik

 

[NotWise]

Hi all

Just got my first story published (number 2 well on the way!!!). I'd love some feedback:

https://www.literotica.com/s/getting-what-i-want-2

Jorvik

You may bet a better response on this if you post your request to the Story Feedback forum.

 

[hadruprider]

Great, nice to get it published after your post!

It's a nice story. I'm not sure about starting in the middle then going back.
There is a bit of tense switching between past and present but I don't think that matters much.