Coquetteprincess
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 7, 2023
- Posts
- 135
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- Thread starter Coquetteprincess
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ElectricBlue
Joined 10 Years Ago
- Joined
- May 10, 2014
- Posts
- 16,496
It's high fantasy, but fundamentally unbelievable. In this day and age, it's never going to happen, not in a million years.
There's a writer's notion called "the suspension of disbelief." If you're going to write a story like this, you've got to at least try to make it believable, by offering much more tease and seduction, long build up, much more "will they, won't they?" Indeed they might, because even now, these seductions happen, but not like this. This is school girl fantasy, to be frank.
The guy risks losing his career, his job, his reputation. He's not going to do the things or say the things he does in this story. It's simply not credible. You need to make it more credible if you want readers to suspend their disbelief
It's also a bit of a con for your readers. You've set it up, but not delivered. You're offering to write more "if people like it." I think you need to commit more to a story than that, at least have something culminate in each chapter. Of course you'll get readers saying it's great, please continue, but you should be offering more in the first place.
What I would do, if I was you, is knuckle down and write the second chapter, and complete the story. Don't wait for comments before you continue, knuckle down and deliver.
When you do, pay much closer attention to your punctuation, get it right. You're missing capital letters at the beginning of sentences, inconsistent use of terminal commas in dialogue. Go find a style guide on punctuating dialogue, and get the basic mechanics right. If you do this now, you'll set up good habits in your writing - this comes across as rushed, and needs a good edit. This is not grammar nazidom, it's saying to a new writer, get the fundamentals right early, and you'll become a better writer much faster, if you do.
TLDR: keep writing, but deliver more in your first chapter, and do Grammar 101.
There's a writer's notion called "the suspension of disbelief." If you're going to write a story like this, you've got to at least try to make it believable, by offering much more tease and seduction, long build up, much more "will they, won't they?" Indeed they might, because even now, these seductions happen, but not like this. This is school girl fantasy, to be frank.
The guy risks losing his career, his job, his reputation. He's not going to do the things or say the things he does in this story. It's simply not credible. You need to make it more credible if you want readers to suspend their disbelief
It's also a bit of a con for your readers. You've set it up, but not delivered. You're offering to write more "if people like it." I think you need to commit more to a story than that, at least have something culminate in each chapter. Of course you'll get readers saying it's great, please continue, but you should be offering more in the first place.
What I would do, if I was you, is knuckle down and write the second chapter, and complete the story. Don't wait for comments before you continue, knuckle down and deliver.
When you do, pay much closer attention to your punctuation, get it right. You're missing capital letters at the beginning of sentences, inconsistent use of terminal commas in dialogue. Go find a style guide on punctuating dialogue, and get the basic mechanics right. If you do this now, you'll set up good habits in your writing - this comes across as rushed, and needs a good edit. This is not grammar nazidom, it's saying to a new writer, get the fundamentals right early, and you'll become a better writer much faster, if you do.
TLDR: keep writing, but deliver more in your first chapter, and do Grammar 101.
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jsmiam
Literotica Whisperer
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2003
- Posts
- 1,563
You have a good vocabulary and a way with words, without (key point) overdoing it. You have people who like your story.
I bet if you try (and spend hours proofing) that acceptably good grammar will come to you quite easily. Please do that. There are lots of people who flat out stop reading by the second or third mistake, but some who stop at the first. Especially if it’s in the first sentence.
This isn’t a genre I go out of my way to read, so I will defer to people who like it for judging that sort of thing. The commenters so far seemed to like it. And there did seem to be a realism with regard to the main character’s feelings regarding what was happening.
As far as believability, it’s complicated. This is a sex fantasy site at its heart, so while I do agree the professor will have to move to Florida to backfill the coming shortage of legitimate educators, there is still leeway for stories to be a bit unrealistic. (I’d write more, but i have four female pro sand volleyball players waiting patiently for their massages.)
Keep writing, you’ll be fine!
I bet if you try (and spend hours proofing) that acceptably good grammar will come to you quite easily. Please do that. There are lots of people who flat out stop reading by the second or third mistake, but some who stop at the first. Especially if it’s in the first sentence.
This isn’t a genre I go out of my way to read, so I will defer to people who like it for judging that sort of thing. The commenters so far seemed to like it. And there did seem to be a realism with regard to the main character’s feelings regarding what was happening.
As far as believability, it’s complicated. This is a sex fantasy site at its heart, so while I do agree the professor will have to move to Florida to backfill the coming shortage of legitimate educators, there is still leeway for stories to be a bit unrealistic. (I’d write more, but i have four female pro sand volleyball players waiting patiently for their massages.)
Keep writing, you’ll be fine!
MediocreAuthor
You can call me "M"
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2022
- Posts
- 1,468
I enjoyed the story. Short and sweet. The "lack of believability" isn't a problem for me. I actually dislike noncon tales that seem too believable, because real life rape is so horrible. A lack of realism is often a feature of NC/R stories to me, not a bug.
The grammatical issues are a problem, but I understand the excitement that we feel immediately after finishing a story. It's so tempting to post it immediately. But proofreading is key. Most people will only read your story once, so they might not even finish it if they see the grammar is poor.
The first ever comment that I got on this site was an old man telling me that he'd never read my work because I mistook "shudder" for "shutter". That's extreme, but many readers will bounce away the minute they see poor grammar/punctuation. Many of your errors would have been caught by a basic spell/grammar checking program. So I would suggest using that. Also, I use a text-to-speech app to listen to my stories. That can help with some basic errors, because your ears will pick up mistakes that your eyes miss.
So welcome to Lit, and keep striving. Your grammar needs work, but I enjoyed your ideas
The grammatical issues are a problem, but I understand the excitement that we feel immediately after finishing a story. It's so tempting to post it immediately. But proofreading is key. Most people will only read your story once, so they might not even finish it if they see the grammar is poor.
The first ever comment that I got on this site was an old man telling me that he'd never read my work because I mistook "shudder" for "shutter". That's extreme, but many readers will bounce away the minute they see poor grammar/punctuation. Many of your errors would have been caught by a basic spell/grammar checking program. So I would suggest using that. Also, I use a text-to-speech app to listen to my stories. That can help with some basic errors, because your ears will pick up mistakes that your eyes miss.
So welcome to Lit, and keep striving. Your grammar needs work, but I enjoyed your ideas
