Feedback on first story needed

[solid_]

Whould love some feedback with my first story. Is there anything in regards to my style that needs changeing. Before i start on writeing the second chapter to this.
Friends Night

 

[Fairytat]

Possibilities

Solid,

I tried to enjoy this tale but unfortunately there were too many errors in it for me to ignore. You didn't separate dialogue, misspelled many words, wrote several grammatically incorrect sentences, didn't use punctuation very well, and switched between present/past tense. I think there is a great story buried beneath all that and you just need a good editor to find it.

 

[solid_]

suggestions taken on board Fairtat but i not seeing the misspelled words.? Maybe i had a bad english teacher or my microsoft word spell check is acting up ... lol I wonder how it ever got approved.

 

[Debbie]

I read your story also.

"I head to the kitchen to get some more beers from the fridge for me and my friends Tony grunts out "what about some snacks Rob I'm starving." Darren and Steven agree with him saying all this beer and no food I look at them and say "dam you guys are a pain in the ass ill ask Leanne to make us some snacks when she comes out of bed room." Darren being the loudest says, "I wouldn't mind snacking on Leanne" I say yeah in your dreams buddy and we laugh at each other."

Edited version.
(Just quickly doing this. )

*I was heading to the kitchen to get some more beers.

"What about some snacks Rob? I'm starving." Tony yelled out.

Darren and Steven agreed with him. Muttering about all this beer and no food. I looked at them and said.

"Damn you guys are a pain in the ass. I'll ask Leanne to make us some snacks when she comes out of the bed room."

Darren being the loudmouth that he is? He has a reply for everything.

"I wouldn't mind snacking on Leanne" He laughed.

"In your dreams, buddy." I say to him and we laugh at each other. *

It is easier to read a story if it is similiar to this. I should know. My stories used to be like this till I got invaluable advice from others here at lit.

As for the spelling mistakes? Yes there are quite a few. I quickly ran microsoft spellcheck and found them.
Don't give up. The only way to improve is to make mistakes and learn from them.
There are volunteer editors at lit. Contact them if you would like help with getting your stories edited.

 

[p_p_man]

Far to many errors...

to make the story enjoyable.

Literotica has a great editing service and I recommend you use it before submitting more work.

Don't despair though. It's not the end of the world.

Just part of the learning curve....

 

[solid_]

Thank you

A big thank you to everyone thats took the time to read my story and offer there opinions. You guys and gals are cool

 

[Latinababe]

Well Solid....You story is good and like people have said a few mispelled words...But this is your first one. The next one have help from someone. The more help the better for your stories to come out sounding great.

 

[solid_]

reworked first story

Story re edited take a look and tell me what you think please.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=43178